OP, I understand that when you can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, it can be really hard. But you don’t have to taint your hands with an Android phone.
Remember you still have a lot to live for.
Hug your child, go for a picnic, or watch a sunset.
It’s never as bad as you think. There are a lot of people who care about you. Open up about how you feel. Talk to them.