Please watch my latest short!

Discussion in 'Digital Video' started by TaKashMoney, Apr 14, 2008.

  1. TaKashMoney macrumors 6502

    Jul 15, 2005
    Hey guys,

    Here is a link to my latest video. Any comments/criticism would be wonderful.

    It is called "3:10 to Recess" and is about children's imagination.
  2. LillieDesigns macrumors 6502


    Oct 18, 2005
    Los Angeles
    Vimeo is running like crap today and I don't know why. As soon as I get it working I will let you know what I think. The beginning shot very well though so I'm sure it's great.
  3. Mr_Brightside_@ macrumors 68030


    Sep 23, 2005
    It looks really good but is running really slow.
  4. Buttuh B macrumors newbie

    Apr 1, 2008
    Tacoma, WA
  5. Texas04 macrumors 6502a


    Jul 2, 2005
    Not bad! I took off HD and it ran quick by the way.
  6. TaKashMoney thread starter macrumors 6502

    Jul 15, 2005
    Hey guys, yeah it sucks that Vimeo is running so slow. Please give it another go whenever you get the chance. I would really appreciate honest and detailed criticism/comments. The camera is a Canon Xh-A1. I am in love with its HD image quality/price ratio.
  7. justflie macrumors 6502a


    Nov 29, 2005
    Red Sox Nation
    Looks good! I'm no videographer or anything in that industry, but I knows what I likes on TV! :) It was cute, the twist caught me by surprise. Don't want to say too much and spoil the surprise.
  8. johnnyjibbs macrumors 68030


    Sep 18, 2003
    London, UK
    Nice video. Simple and effective.

    Gives me something to aspire to (although I'm no pro) - well done!
  9. Eastend macrumors 6502

    Aug 1, 2004
    Nara, Japan
    Looks very good especially with full screen, great camera.
  10. TaKashMoney thread starter macrumors 6502

    Jul 15, 2005
    Thank you for the comments. Are there any criticisms that people have?
  11. lighthouse_man macrumors 6502a

    Mar 13, 2005
    Take out the names from the beginning, you can keep the shots but a short film shouldn't have such intro credit sequence in my book. And no one should get his/her own title card in the end.
    Too many useless cuts. Lose the medium shot on the Mexican for example.
    Get to the gun faster.
    You have axis problems. Did the actors look into the camera? Don't do that.
    As soon as you hear the VO voice, it's clear that it is a joke. I prefer it had been adults playing around. In any case, you should cut out as soon as that kid says see you tomorrow.
    Yes you got a plane for the end shot, but the short would be better without that. You linger too much on an end that you showed us right at the playground.
    The duel should be tighter.
    In a western, duels are boring if you don't react to the characters, and since you don't show anything about the characters, I don't really care about the duel since I don't know who's after what. While your end may justify it, and it should be shorter, it makes this feel like commercial narrative than cinematic narrative.
  12. KeithPratt macrumors 6502a

    Mar 6, 2007
    I disagree with the idea of taking out the plane bit — that's your money shot! It's the right sort of climax to a film about kids' imagination.

    My word of advice would be: tighten. You should be able to chop a few frames off here and there without mucking up the pacing. And I'd take 30 off the kid's face the the very end.

    That said, I think ligthouse_man was right, there are a few too many cuts.

    Maybe see if you can drop a cut or two between 00:58 and 01:21. After the titles, I'd drop the first wide shot, and open on the MCU of the cowboy. Returning to the same wide shot jars. And I'd resist going back to the same shot when they're standing, ready to draw unless you're going make each return progressively shorter, building to a crescendo. If you don't give that sense of urgency and return to shots they've seen the audience will lose interest.

    You've got the right idea with the mirroring shots of the two of them when they're walking to the stand-off, but I'd see if you've got any more (CU of feet pacing, etc.) and cut them a bit tighter to make the rhythm really taut. It'll make it look like they've done this a thousand times, and in the process more dangerous.

    I like the distorted actor's faces you've got by getting the camera close at 02:51-03:15, but I'm not so keen on the noticeable swaying. There's probably nothing you can do about it now (motion tracking in Motion if you can be bothered?), but it might have been better to position the camera further back and zoom in so they don't appear to sway as much. You want it to feel like the slightest movement might get them killed. Along the same lines, tighter would have been better on the shots of fingers twitching over the gun. Subtler movements = more tense.

    I liked the wide shots, very cinematic. The colours are nicely done, and the natural lighting looked great (I wish people would use it more). And the 'match cuts' were well done.

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