I tried last night and couldnt get FTP to work with him logging in using fetch. I then tried AFP from the same filesharing menu in OSX and I was atleast able to connect to myself for test purposes... is this a good method?
I really wouldn't use AFP over the internet.
You haven't given us much detail of your combined setup.
Is is Mac to Mac, PC to Mac and what are each of you using to connect onto the net. Do you have routers with firewalls?
I sensible guesstimate is you have something like this.
YOU BROTHER
Fetch-osXFirewall--Router----Internet----Router--osXFirewall-FTPd
Note you each probably have 2 firewalls to deal with. OSX's and the routers with the router also doing Network address Translation.
So on whichever box is going to be the server, you'll need to add a router FW rule to allow TCP connections on ports 20 & 21 (FTP) mapped to the internal IP address of the server machine. You can do this in the router web interface.
Secondly in control panel you will have to permit inbound ftp access also.
Note 1 big caveat FTP is unencrypted, your/brothers password is being sent via clear text. This is not good. Personally i would do the above but only for port 22 which is SCP/SFTP This is at least encrypted.
Regards M.