Rant #400000- Parents

[CompUser]

Ok, I know I rant here a lot, but its the only place I feel comfortable ranting mostly because I don't really know anyone here.

I am sick and tired of being the only person doing anything at my house. I can clean the pool, mow the lawn (its 2 acres of grass), snow blow the driveway, put away clean dishes from the dishwasher. My mom vacuums and does the laundry (she does not work). My sister (19 years old, older than me) does nothing and my dad only does maintenance. I always have to walk my dog that I don't think even likes me.

My parents always yell at me to do stuff like go do things for them but never my sister. My sister tells me to do all sorts of things and I say no and my parents then yell at me to do it.

If anything ever happens its my fault- if there dirt somewhere in the house, if something is eaten, or if something breaks it is always my fault. (even if I am not home). Just a few days ago I was accused of "changing all the settings" on my dads blackberry when I didn't even touch it and that it was "broken" and it was "no longer usable".

Oh yea- yesterday I was yelled at to mow the lawn with the tractor and to trim with the push mower so I did. Then today my dad yelled at me that I didn't trim anything when in fact I did every part of the lawn that requires trimming.


I am sick and tired of being the b**** if you will of my family. I might be sounding like a housewife but my mom doesn't do crap around our house yet she claims she is the only person that ever does anything. All she does other than laundry and vacuuming a couple times a week is sit around and watch TV, go to the gym, and go shopping.

They never listen to me either. If I am trying to tell them something at dinner either my mom, dad , or sister will just start talking about some other thing in the middle of me talking. Plus my dad always mocks me. Two days ago we got back from vacation so there was no food in the house so we went out to dinner. Last night they decided to go to a party and my sister went out with her BF. So my parents come home at like 9:00 and I ask what I was supposed to eat for dinner (there was literally nothing). My mom says "Oh yea I forgot". In fact, for like the past few months my mom has just forgotten to cook dinner because my dads on a trip and my sister is at college or with friends and my mom wants to be skinny so she'll eat a salad or she says she ate lunch at 3:00 so she's not hungry. She also never wants me to do anything with my friends because "she is too tired to drive me" or "its to late" (when it is like 6:00pm). My sister always makes snide comments about my hair or appearance.

I am really tired of this! Honestly, I don't think they even like me. Its not like I am mean to them.

 

[WildCowboy]

You need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with your parents and share what you've just written. Looking back to when I was a teenager, I would have thought it was ridiculous a suggestion. But now I see how valuable communication like that is.

Yes, it will be uncomfortable for you. But keeping things bottled up is a lot more uncomfortable in the long run.

 

[sushi]

You need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with your parents and share what you've just written. Looking back to when I was a teenager, I would have thought it was ridiculous a suggestion. But now I see how valuable communication like that is.

Yes, it will be uncomfortable for you. But keeping things bottled up is a lot more uncomfortable in the long run.

Good advice.

To the OP, please realize that you are a lucky person and be thankful for what you and your family have.

 

[Kwyjibo]

everybody has to learn how to be independent at some point, you just get to do it very early.

The situation sucks, but well I don't think you can honestly do much about it except get used to it. I mean I hope they do, I just don't necessarily expect it.

There's one thing I think the majority of parents do not understand. Being unreasonable is going to cause more problems than it solves. I don't think they realize that kids learn things and create shortcuts around problems. Two examples.

Me and my good friend during high school. Our parents thought we hung out nearly everyday. Why was this? Its easier to say your hanging out with a person they sort of know, fewer questions. If I had a date it was the same story, fewer lectures and just overall simple for me. Eventually I don't even think I skipped a beat and they never question things when they fall into a pattern. My friend did the same thing. But basically my parents being nosy, leads them to know even less about me.

My cousin turned 16 about a year ago. During the football season he was having these headache before he went to bed. She's pretty paranoid about everything and well this was no difference. She refused to let him get his license until a doctor ok'd him, or the headaches stopped for like 2 months. He has his license now. I wanted to tell my aunt she was only creating an incentive to lie in the future, but i don't think she would understand it.

 

[Frozone]

I read one of your other posts and I think we're about the same age. (I seem to recall you saying you would be going off to College in the fall, as will I.) I can feel your pain when it comes to parents.

Trying to talk to them would be a great suggestion, but if they're anything like my parents then they won't listen nor even begin to try and see where you're coming from. If that's the case then there isn't really much else that can be done except try and ignore them for the remander of your summer. Make sure you've have places to rant though, such as MR's, etc. Ranting to folks is one of the things that has helped me SO much when dealing with parents, and without it I would probably be INSANE!

I wish you the best when dealing with your family, and I hope it goes well.

 

[2nyRiggz]

You have a pool?...cool!


Bless

 

[bousozoku]

It's a "me first" world, especially in the U.S.A. Sorry to hear that you're getting a bad time of it.

I suppose you're going to have to make sure you buy some food for yourself, though I wouldn't buy too much because someone else might eat it. Keep some good dry food on hand to keep in your room.

Talking to your family would be a good thing, but I understand about people talking over you. I would prepare a number of signs--black on white paper perhaps--or maybe cardboard for when they try to rip them out of your hands and destroy them. After all, can the situation get any colder than it is now?

 

[Kingsly]

You need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with your parents and share what you've just written. Looking back to when I was a teenager, I would have thought it was ridiculous a suggestion. But now I see how valuable communication like that is.

Yes, it will be uncomfortable for you. But keeping things bottled up is a lot more uncomfortable in the long run.

Ditto.

Make sure when you explain that you stay calm and logical. Pick and choose your words and try not to loose it. Otherwise they'll just say you're an emotional teenager.

 

[CompUser]

Ditto.

Make sure when you explain that you stay calm and logical. Pick and choose your words and try not to loose it. Otherwise they'll just say you're an emotional teenager.

I don't really think that work because they won't even listen to me in the first place- and if they change it will be for literally 5 minutes.

 

[Abstract]

Tell your mum that if your sister doesn't have any responsibilities, then neither should you. Tell them it's unfair, and until it's fair, you're only going to do as much as your sister. Be blunt, and then stick to it.

I know this is the opposite of what people here are telling you, but since you've bitched about your father/parents here before (or at least I think it was you) and I doubt things have changed, don't have a "heart to heart" convo with them. Some parents don't listen and don't care. You can't have a discussion with people like that because it just ends up with you talking, and them not listening. They'll hear what you're saying, but won't actually "listen" and understand.

 

[Felldownthewell]

I don't really think that work because they won't even listen to me in the first place- and if they change it will be for literally 5 minutes.

Make a list of the activites of all of your family member's movements having to do with chores. If you mow the lawn, record date/time and the activities of other members of your family. when they do chores (if at all) record date/time and what other members are doing during that time. If what you say is true (which I belive you that it is) you will have proof of the inequalities. Every time your mom can't drive you because it is too late- write it down and the date/time etc, for everything you hacve mentioned. Of course, they may blow it off when you show them your observations, but it at least gives you more footing than just approaching them emptyhanded.

 

[dornoforpyros]

you clean the pool, mow the lawn AND snowblow the driveway all in one day? I'm very confused as to how that works...

 

[Chundles]

Want my slightly more long-term malicious advice?

Suck it up, don't complain and moan about it, just do what you're told and then when you're old enough to do so, move out. Work as hard as you can, it keeps you fit and gives you the experience required to get through a lot of situations in work. Work hard and make lots of money. Then bugger off overseas and dump the folks on your lazy-arse sister when they get too old to take care of themselves.

That'll stuff her.

 

[jsw]

I suppose the plus to this is that marriage will seem like a piece of cake.

Seriously, though, it sounds like you're not appreciated and only noticed when things aren't working or need to be done. How much longer until you're in college? Two years? I know it seems like an eternity, but, if you can make it through until then, many things that your friends at the time will consider difficult will seem like nothing to you.

I'd imagine that it's not the chores that bother you so much as the complete lack of appreciation. Has it always been this way? Is there some reason your sister gets deferential treatment, and has that always been that way too?

 

[Felldownthewell]

Want my slightly more long-term malicious advice?

Suck it up, don't complain and moan about it, just do what you're told and then when you're old enough to do so, move out. Work as hard as you can, it keeps you fit and gives you the experience required to get through a lot of situations in work. Work hard and make lots of money. Then bugger off overseas and dump the folks on your lazy-arse sister when they get too old to take care of themselves.

That'll stuff her.

Or you can ignore my advice and go with Chundles. His way is far more evil. Which, in this situation, is a good thing.

 

[yojitani]

Well, from the point of view of someone who was in a similar situation as a teen and is now a parent, I'd say that Kwyjibo is right. Excellent examples of what happens when parents don't listen (that's exactly what I did, though I wasn't just 'going on dates' ). However, when you say your parents don't do anything, you might want to take a closer look at what they actually do. It is a horrible stress being a the only source of income for a 4 person family. Sounds like your dad is doing a fairly good job of it, but can you imagine his worry of failing (losing his job for example). And for your mom too. She's been doing the housework for how long while you were constantly making a mess, fighting with your sister and so on. Man, that is killer work - if I did that for just 10 years, I too might just want to plop in front of the TV and wonder what the hell happened to my life. All I'm saying is: give them a bit of a break. I wish I had with my parents.
That said, I figure it's better that my parents didn't know what I was up to ( won't even tell them now). And I can't say that I wish I had communicated better with them. The advice to brush off them ignoring you is good. Just get on with your life, work around whatever problems and stresses they create, and your parents will look a lot different to you in a few years.



yt

 

[benthewraith]

CompUser, I'm turning nineteen next month, and I know how you feel.

I grew up in a broken home (well, sorta, my parents were divorced and one remarried). While my stepmother and I get along great most of the time, there are times (Week of 9/11, no joke...and approximately a month after) where we have bitchfests of epic porportions. These bitchfests are annoying, and difficult, yes. But they are there nonetheless. When I was 14, I had enough of the fights and moved out, moved into my mom's. She would come home at 7, 8 at night, and sometimes wouldn't come home at all, opting for going out clubbing with her friends.

Combined with shyness and anti-social behavior, my high school life was boring as hell. Like you, I was the b**** for all their problems.

It hasn't gotten any better. Ever since I got my license and lived with my mom, I've been forced to go get her every stinkin' thing, including cigarettes. I used to not notice it, after being around that stuff almost everyday, but being 18, not around a single cigarette for virtually a year, it really annoys me. Particularly when I wished the stuff banned.

Anyways, not everyone has had a nice childhood. I thank god for my trust fund (wow......hmm).

Now, because of the fact that because of situations at home (and my inability to get a job, no one wants a 19 year old first time job applicant ).

 

[Jovian9]

Want my slightly more long-term malicious advice?

Suck it up, don't complain and moan about it, just do what you're told and then when you're old enough to do so, move out. Work as hard as you can, it keeps you fit and gives you the experience required to get through a lot of situations in work. Work hard and make lots of money. Then bugger off overseas and dump the folks on your lazy-arse sister when they get too old to take care of themselves.

That'll stuff her.

I kind of agree here; tough it out. Try to look at what's positive in your life and the advantages you do have and build from there. Learn as much as you can and be a better person for it. There are lessons to be learned everyday....and not everything you learn is "how it should be done"...often it is "how it should NOT be done".....so you will remember this and when you have children hopefully you will be able to apply this lesson to raising and communicating with them. Your mom has raised 2 kids and your dad supports your family....maybe it doesn't seem like they do as much day-to-day as you do, but they have gotten you and your sister this far haven't they? Regardless of what your opinion is on how your sister is treated.......never look at it as being unfair to you.....learn to play the cards you have. If you really are set on talking to them about it and they will not listen to you then bring it up until they do....once a week or every night if you have to. Schedule it; if there is a show they watch every week at the same time....bring it up then....they'll eventually realize they need to listen. Good luck!

 

[CompUser]

I suppose the plus to this is that marriage will seem like a piece of cake.

Seriously, though, it sounds like you're not appreciated and only noticed when things aren't working or need to be done. How much longer until you're in college? Two years? I know it seems like an eternity, but, if you can make it through until then, many things that your friends at the time will consider difficult will seem like nothing to you.

I'd imagine that it's not the chores that bother you so much as the complete lack of appreciation. Has it always been this way? Is there some reason your sister gets deferential treatment, and has that always been that way too?

Yea, I think that my under-appreciation is a major factor in the picture. I am going to be a sophmore when school starts. I guess my sister gets different treatment because she is the first born, valedictorian of her HS class, goes to a prestigious college, and is becoming a doctor. I am an honor role student and I take the highest level classes I can but I am not #1 in my class. I don't know. It has seemed that my dad in particular likes me sister more than me.

I like the idea of keeping track of everyone chores. I think my dad isn't worried about losing his job- probably more concerned with keeping up with all the business his company his getting and he is in charge of 3 departments of his company. Proposals and Electrical engineering which are very very busy- particularly busy. He hired a manager for his other dept, auxiliary systems. He works 75 miles away and commutes everyday so he probably is stressed. Even on vacation though he is always mean to me. I seldom have an conversation with him and its not like I go around annoying him. The action of "having fun" does not exist in his mind. Fun for him is work and I am not even kidding. The last time he got tickets to something was the Lion King Broadway Production because my mom told him to get them. I can't think of the last time he offered to get tickets to any type of sporting event.

If I was to make a chart of people's chores I guarantee my mom would say "You need to spend your time more wisely, like studying for the SATs".


Since obviously my dad is not around enough to do anything, I think he should hire either a landscaper or a pool cleaner. However, he does not believe in hiring people that do stuff that he can already do for some reason.

 

[cjc343]

Get a full time (summer) job:

1. You'll be out of the house most of the day, and unavailable to do the work you were doing before.
2. Depending on the job, you could be doing similar stuff to what you are already doing, except now you're getting paid.
3. You won't need to deal with your family most of the day.

Make sure it's close enough to home that you can either take public transportation there, or walk though...

 

[bousozoku]

Get a full time (summer) job:

1. You'll be out of the house most of the day, and unavailable to do the work you were doing before.
2. Depending on the job, you could be doing similar stuff to what you are already doing, except now you're getting paid.
3. You won't need to deal with your family most of the day.

Make sure it's close enough to home that you can either take public transportation there, or walk though...

They'd still want him to do the same work, plus, they'd probably either take his money or make him put all of it in a savings account where he couldn't withdraw it.

 

[wmmk]

I feel absolutely blessed to be growing up in a family where everyone is really supportive of each other. I know it seems odd, but give your parents more attention, and they may give more to you. Ask them how their day was, and they'll ask you in return. Also, try talking to other adults in your family who you know will relay the message on to your parents. That'll not only get your side of the story to your parents, but make them feel guilty about you feeling like you can't talk heart to heart with them. Also, try the 'kill 'em with kindness' approach. Be nice to them, and their general tolerance will go up. Bitching to them about how they favor sister won't help anybody, even if it's totally true. Also, try to see the world from their eyes. As yojitani said, they're working really hard to keep your house, family, and life running fairly smoothly. Hope the situation improves
-Will

 

[OutThere]

They'd still want him to do the same work, plus, they'd probably either take his money or make him put all of it in a savings account where he couldn't withdraw it.

Hmmm...strangely similar to my situation.

 

[bousozoku]

Hmmm...strangely similar to my situation.

It's not that uncommon, in my experience.

My adoptive mum's family is worse. They made her take a job working for her uncle at his meat market. Then, they took all her money and gave it to her older sister who was going to college. They also took money from the next younger sister, but never from her brothers.

 

[tristan]

The classic teenager solution to this problem is never be at home. Either get a job like one person said, or more typically, just hang out in your burnout friend's basement playing video games and sniffing glue. Or a little of both.

Eventually you will get married though and you and your wife will have the exact same arguments. By that time, you'll probably earn enough money to afford maid service every two weeks, which will help a lot.