Romantic Advice Needed!

[bobber205]

Since the MR community is so awesome and my friends are not, I thought I should at least ask this here.

I am currently in the process of what could best be called "courting" a girl at my college. I have yet to do this process even though I'm 22. I have very ambitious romantic ideals but I am also a realist. So with this in mind I ask: what should I do for Valentine's Day? Here are some caveats:

1) She is coming back from a class trip to Vegas late on Valentine's day. I thought maybe something left at her door before she gets back would be a good idea?

2) We're not "officially" dating or anything. She invited me to a party, a couple campus events (neither one of us have a car) and a small social gathering/dinner at school. She has invited me to a dinner with her 3 "girl friends" this weekend. We get along very well.

3) I've tried to make it very clear I am interested through a variety of means (in person and online communications) and I haven't felt rejected yet so I guess that's a good sign.

Here's the biggest thing I have to consider

4) She's Asian. (From Vietnam specifically) She's lived here for about 4 or 5 years now. Her English is fairly good but I have to be careful and not use too many colloquialisms to avoid any confusion. Does anyone here have knowledge of the differences between the two countries? I am planning on just being myself but it would be to be aware of what she might be expecting.

I was planning on being clever and getting her Vietnam's native flower for Valentine's day. But it turns out that flower would be a lotus which is hard to find... Is there some clever idea out there I am missing? I don't want to be TOO forward with the gift but I don't want to be passive either. Nothing will happen unless I take initiate. Years of not doing soon has taught me this and I am determined not to do it again. But considering her cultural background, I think I might have cause to be a little more careful than usual.

Thanks MR for your assistance on this matter!

 

[Buzz Bumble]

I thought maybe something left at her door before she gets back would be a good idea?

I wouldn't - some scumbag will steal it before she gets there.

As for the rest of it, I have no idea ... didn't you know?? Girls have cooties so are best avoided.

 

[MacDawg]

My advice, given where you are in your relationship would be this...

1. Find an appropriate card, or better yet, make one and include things that are unique to your memories together

2. Write something meaningful and sincere inside that expresses how you feel, but not over the top

3. If you feel up to it, write a short poem or find one that is appropriate to share with her

Woof, Woof - Dawg

 

[sushi]

Since the MR community is so awesome and my friends are not, I thought I should at least ask this here.

She is Vietnamese -- not American.

^ Think about this very carefully. Mindset is what counts.

Hint 1. Learn about her culture concerning Valentine type days. You could really muck it up by doing something wrong/incorrect when you are trying to do something sweet/romantic.

Hint 2. Learn some Vietnamese and surprise her with a couple of phrases.

 

[mscriv]

My first thought is to give her something nice that would help her relax and settle back in after being gone on a trip. Aroma candles, bubble bath, etc. This may be too personal, but you could leave a note that says something along the lines of "glad your back in town and I hope these things help you unwind and relax as you prepare to get back into your normal routine".

My second thought is uh-oh... a first generation Asian female who was most likely raised in a sheltered enviornment due to her culture is returning from a trip to "Sin City". This could be bad, very, very bad...

Don't overthink it, nothing risked, nothing gained.

 

[Mousse]

4) She's Asian. (From Vietnam specifically) She's lived here for about 4 or 5 years now.

Get in good with her mother. Seriously. Sounds like she's Old Country Vietnamese. But there in lies the rub, her mother would be steep in tradition as well, so mum might not take too kindly to a non-asian wooing her daughter.

I was planning on being clever and getting her Vietnam's native flower for Valentine's day.

Chinese New Year falls on Valentine's Day, so pretty much any asian supermarket will have a good selection this time of year.

Learn some Vietnamese and surprise her with a couple of phrases.

Here's a simple phrase: Chào em (pronounced Chào like the Italian Ciao). It means Hi, Hello or (if you're from the Independent Republic of Texas) Howdy pardnar.

 

[bobber205]

I have an old school copy of Rosetta Stone that has the "Learn Vietnamese" lessons on it. I'll try to install it tonight and see if I can't learn a few basic phrases to put on the card or to say.

 

[James L]

My second thought is uh-oh... a first generation Asian female who was most likely raised in a sheltered enviornment due to her culture is returning from a trip to "Sin City". This could be bad, very, very bad... .

Or... you know... very very good.

To the OP:

Quit over thinking it!!! People give themselves ulcers and chest pain over these things. Let her know how you feel, do it in a way that doesn't make you look like a stalker, and see how it goes!

 

[bobber205]

Or... you know... very very good.

To the OP:

Quit over thinking it!!! People give themselves ulcers and chest pain over these things. Let her know how you feel, do it in a way that doesn't make you look like a stalker, and see how it goes!

She went to Vegas this time last year.

Thanks!

 

[RawBert]

I used to be like you when I was a teenager. A hopeless romantic. Listening to romantic music all the time...

Do yourself a favor and stop being that way. Stop over-thinking things like this. It's hard not to, when you're already like that, but try. You'll be a lot happier with yourself. Just Be cool. Give this girl a card and a kiss. Casually ask her if she'd like to go chill at a mall or see a movie. Nothing too romantic. Don't rush it.

 

[Capt Crunch]

God, this one is easy. Ask her out to dinner. Take her to dinner. Have a good time. Ask her out again. This is pretty universal. If you're worried that I'm wrong and it won't apply to Vietnamese girls, well, it worked for me.

She's not gonna go gaga over you because you bought some interesting present.

 

[Rodimus Prime]

Something I learned is when boundies start getting confusing (are you dating or are you not) it some times a good idea just to try to define them.

So ask her out on an offical date. I will admit one of the hardest thing for a lot of people is ask a girl out. Hell it was hard as hell for me to form the words with one girl I dated when for all piratical purposes we were there and I knew the answer would be yes. Still leap of faith even when you know the answer.

Girl I am currently dating same story knew the answer still was not easy. I have a feeling for people who have ask their spouse to marry them it was a very hard thing to do even with a 100% certainty the answer will be yes.