Romantic Advice Needed!

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by bobber205, Feb 3, 2010.

  1. bobber205 macrumors 68020


    Nov 15, 2005
    Since the MR community is so awesome and my friends are not, I thought I should at least ask this here.

    I am currently in the process of what could best be called "courting" a girl at my college. I have yet to do this process even though I'm 22. I have very ambitious romantic ideals but I am also a realist. So with this in mind I ask: what should I do for Valentine's Day? Here are some caveats:

    1) She is coming back from a class trip to Vegas late on Valentine's day. I thought maybe something left at her door before she gets back would be a good idea?

    2) We're not "officially" dating or anything. She invited me to a party, a couple campus events (neither one of us have a car) and a small social gathering/dinner at school. She has invited me to a dinner with her 3 "girl friends" this weekend. We get along very well.

    3) I've tried to make it very clear I am interested through a variety of means (in person and online communications) and I haven't felt rejected yet so I guess that's a good sign.

    Here's the biggest thing I have to consider

    4) She's Asian. (From Vietnam specifically) She's lived here for about 4 or 5 years now. Her English is fairly good but I have to be careful and not use too many colloquialisms to avoid any confusion. Does anyone here have knowledge of the differences between the two countries? I am planning on just being myself but it would be to be aware of what she might be expecting.

    I was planning on being clever and getting her Vietnam's native flower for Valentine's day. But it turns out that flower would be a lotus which is hard to find... :( Is there some clever idea out there I am missing? I don't want to be TOO forward with the gift but I don't want to be passive either. Nothing will happen unless I take initiate. Years of not doing soon has taught me this and I am determined not to do it again. But considering her cultural background, I think I might have cause to be a little more careful than usual.

    Thanks MR for your assistance on this matter! :D
  2. Buzz Bumble Guest

    Oct 19, 2008
    New Zealand
    I wouldn't - some scumbag will steal it before she gets there.

    As for the rest of it, I have no idea ... didn't you know?? Girls have cooties so are best avoided. ;)
  3. MacDawg macrumors Core


    Mar 20, 2004
    "Between the Hedges"
    My advice, given where you are in your relationship would be this...

    1. Find an appropriate card, or better yet, make one and include things that are unique to your memories together

    2. Write something meaningful and sincere inside that expresses how you feel, but not over the top

    3. If you feel up to it, write a short poem or find one that is appropriate to share with her

    Woof, Woof - Dawg [​IMG]
  4. sushi Moderator emeritus


    Jul 19, 2002
    She is Vietnamese -- not American.

    ^ Think about this very carefully. Mindset is what counts.

    Hint 1. Learn about her culture concerning Valentine type days. You could really muck it up by doing something wrong/incorrect when you are trying to do something sweet/romantic.

    Hint 2. Learn some Vietnamese and surprise her with a couple of phrases.
  5. mscriv macrumors 601


    Aug 14, 2008
    Dallas, Texas
    My first thought is to give her something nice that would help her relax and settle back in after being gone on a trip. Aroma candles, bubble bath, etc. This may be too personal, but you could leave a note that says something along the lines of "glad your back in town and I hope these things help you unwind and relax as you prepare to get back into your normal routine".

    My second thought is uh-oh... a first generation Asian female who was most likely raised in a sheltered enviornment due to her culture is returning from a trip to "Sin City". This could be bad, very, very bad... :D

    Don't overthink it, nothing risked, nothing gained.
  6. Mousse macrumors 68000


    Apr 7, 2008
    Flea Bottom, King's Landing
    Get in good with her mother. Seriously. Sounds like she's Old Country Vietnamese. But there in lies the rub, her mother would be steep in tradition as well, so mum might not take too kindly to a non-asian wooing her daughter.

    Chinese New Year falls on Valentine's Day, so pretty much any asian supermarket will have a good selection this time of year.

    Here's a simple phrase: Chào em (pronounced Chào like the Italian Ciao). It means Hi, Hello or (if you're from the Independent Republic of Texas) Howdy pardnar.:)
  7. bobber205 thread starter macrumors 68020


    Nov 15, 2005
    I have an old school copy of Rosetta Stone that has the "Learn Vietnamese" lessons on it. I'll try to install it tonight and see if I can't learn a few basic phrases to put on the card or to say.
  8. James L macrumors 6502a

    Apr 14, 2004
    Or... you know... very very good. :)

    To the OP:

    Quit over thinking it!!! People give themselves ulcers and chest pain over these things. Let her know how you feel, do it in a way that doesn't make you look like a stalker, and see how it goes!
  9. bobber205 thread starter macrumors 68020


    Nov 15, 2005
    She went to Vegas this time last year. :D

  10. RawBert macrumors 68000


    Jan 19, 2010
    North Hollywood, CA
    I used to be like you when I was a teenager. A hopeless romantic. Listening to romantic music all the time...

    Do yourself a favor and stop being that way. Stop over-thinking things like this. It's hard not to, when you're already like that, but try. You'll be a lot happier with yourself. Just Be cool. Give this girl a card and a kiss. Casually ask her if she'd like to go chill at a mall or see a movie. Nothing too romantic. Don't rush it.:cool:
  11. Capt Crunch macrumors 6502

    Aug 26, 2001
    Washington, D.C.
    God, this one is easy. Ask her out to dinner. Take her to dinner. Have a good time. Ask her out again. This is pretty universal. If you're worried that I'm wrong and it won't apply to Vietnamese girls, well, it worked for me.

    She's not gonna go gaga over you because you bought some interesting present.
  12. Rodimus Prime macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

    Oct 9, 2006
    Something I learned is when boundies start getting confusing (are you dating or are you not) it some times a good idea just to try to define them.

    So ask her out on an offical date. I will admit one of the hardest thing for a lot of people is ask a girl out. Hell it was hard as hell for me to form the words with one girl I dated when for all piratical purposes we were there and I knew the answer would be yes. Still leap of faith even when you know the answer.

    Girl I am currently dating same story knew the answer still was not easy. I have a feeling for people who have ask their spouse to marry them it was a very hard thing to do even with a 100% certainty the answer will be yes.

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