school + family + life. Help?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by elisha cuthbert, Jul 19, 2007.

  1. elisha cuthbert macrumors 6502a

    elisha cuthbert

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2006
    Location:
    Melbourne
    #1
    ok so my dad had a stroke last year, and is lucky to be alive. he has since stopped smoking and is still alive with all the other problems, eg alcohol addiction etc.
    he does pretty much nothing. he sits around all day and does sudoku and plays nintendo.
    my sister is in year 8 and seems to be the least effected so far. she still has fun at school and is starting to think about where she wants to end up in life
    my mum and i seem to be the ones hardest hit. my mum has recently gone back to work after having a hip replacement at 49, she is a flight attendant. I am at school in year 12. doing 3 subjects at school and 1 at tafe. i am mediocre at school and excelling at tafe. I want to be a chef and do my apprenticeship after i finish school.
    school is annoying me. i have been through a tremendous ammount of crap in my life, with massive bullying years ago and even attempting suicide in year 6. my family is basically falling apart. mum is sick of dad, im sick of dad. sister is none the wiser
    we want to get him doing things and maybe even a job again, but nothing works
    it is just getting annoying now. there is basically nothing i can do to help out my family, i try to help with money problems by working, at a restuarant and trying to help with the essentials. with my mum not being here alot because of work i am trying to run the family. i am 17

    i have no idea what to do
    i want to do something but i cant do anything and i dont know what else to do
     
  2. iSaint macrumors 603

    iSaint

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    South Mississippi y'all, near the water!
    #2
    I don't know if there's anything you can do in your position. I admire you for wanting to take care of your family. But, you're going to have to look out for yourself to help yourself in the long run. You can help keep the house clean, and your sister fed while mom is out. That's a big help!

    Is there anyone at school you can talk to? Or a priest? I would advise you to talk to someone for your own good as well.
     
  3. elisha cuthbert thread starter macrumors 6502a

    elisha cuthbert

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2006
    Location:
    Melbourne
    #3
    there isnt really anyone, i mean there are a couple of friends but other than that there isnt anyone. its usually just the mother son talks that help but it all seems to get worse.
    and the people at school, well the psychiatrist is someone my whole family has hated with a passion for years (i have been at the school for the last 13 years, this being my 14th)
    and the one teacher i would trust and talk to is on long service leave. he was basically my father figure in year 4 when my dad went to france for 6 months. he was the best teacher i have ever had.
     
  4. jng macrumors 65816

    jng

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2007
    Location:
    Germany
    #4
    The best thing you can do for yourself is leave your family and help yourself.

    When I was in high school, I went through something similar, but not that dramatic. My parents fought and as the oldest of 4 I tried to hold the family together, emotionally and financially. Ultimately my parents divorced and I went college and then left the country entirely.

    It sucked. I felt guilty and I still do at times. But it made me a hell of a lot saner.

    Finish school and just move out. See if you can put your dad in a home. It sucks, but you're 17 and you don't need this.
     
  5. elisha cuthbert thread starter macrumors 6502a

    elisha cuthbert

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2006
    Location:
    Melbourne
    #5
    also, should i mention that my dad is 56 years old
    and when he was in year 11 at age 17 his father had a stroke and later that year died?
    im trying to be careful with him, and if we put him in a home he would literally kill us for doubting him

    and i dont think i could ever move out to leave my mum with him, she needs the support. whether its making her dinner or getting her a cup of tea i still want to help her. and the whole family if i can
     
  6. nbs2 macrumors 68030

    nbs2

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2004
    Location:
    A geographical oddity
    #6
    Please find someone to talk to, that you can talk to face to face. Going through what you are going through is hard, and it is never going to get any easier. Having someone you can talk to, a shoulder you can cry on (yes, sometimes even men need that), is vital to staying healthy. Keepig everything hidden would be the hardest thing you could ever do, and not worth it.

    I am going to suggest you do something that others don't seem to agree with - stay there until you finish. You have what, one more year? The easiest thing for you would be to leave, but your mom and your sister need you now more than ever. Your sister may be happy, but life is quickly catching up with her and reality will set in soon enough. You leaving means that the only stable people in her life will be an alcoholic and a pre-teen/early-teen. I imagine that you mom has done a lot for you, and hoping that you can be there for is not too much for her to ask. When you do go to chef school (or whatever they call it), stay in contact with her and try to visit. She'll need you.

    EDIT - I was a bit slow with my post. I'm glad to see that you are going to be there for your mom. I don't think she'll ever be able to express her appreciation for that. May I make one more suggestion, even though it will appear to contradict what I've already written? Make sure that she understands that you need to live your life and that you will be an adult. It will be hard - she'll cling to happier days when you were a child and want you to stay that way. Just make sure she can let go, but understands that letting you go doesn't mean you don't love her.
     
  7. elisha cuthbert thread starter macrumors 6502a

    elisha cuthbert

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2006
    Location:
    Melbourne
    #7
    i have 3 months left at school,
    chef school aka tafe or trade school is going to be at the start of next year or the end of this one.
    i will always stay in contact with my mum and sister because they actually listen to me, and i would like to stay in contact with my dad but he has changed, he used to be the father everyone could wish for but since his stroke(s) he has just been an ******* most of the time and i think getting worse
     
  8. nbs2 macrumors 68030

    nbs2

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2004
    Location:
    A geographical oddity
    #8
    It may be prying too much, but have his motor skills been affected? Or has he just changed emotionally? I'm not a Dr, but I wonder if some of his change is due to where the clot was and if some is due to his own frustration with recovery (my dad had a stroke before I was born that left him half paralyzed - 29 years later, you have to look, but you can see slight differences in motor skills on both sides and he slurrs words on occasion). It's hard to look past what he is doing, but hopefully it will get better.
     
  9. elisha cuthbert thread starter macrumors 6502a

    elisha cuthbert

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2006
    Location:
    Melbourne
    #9
    i think its just emotionally because he hasnt really been effected motorskill wise
    but he did have a thing that caused him to loose balance and that was affecting him but not so much anymore
     
  10. jng macrumors 65816

    jng

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2007
    Location:
    Germany
    #10
    I know. I felt the same way. But it just got really bad and I just had to leave. At one point, I was studying full time at University and working 20 hours a week to pay for it AND taking care of my family, namely waking up at 7AM to send my brother to school, cooking later for him, etc. not including the errands I would do for my parents. It killed me. That was sophomore year and a huge reason why I chose to go abroad junior year.

    What I did (leaving the country) was drastic, but it made it saner. Definitely start in baby steps. Go off to trade school (will you move out? that would be best for you). Keep in touch, but try to start your own life that isn't hindered by them.

    I agree, definitely find someone you can talk to for the reasons mentioned above. It helped me to have older people I could talk to, mostly teachers who have since become surrogate parents to me :)
     

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