Short film idea - Opinions / help needed!

conormossie

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Jan 19, 2012
6
0
Hello you wonderful Mac people,

My name's Conor, long time reader, first time poster.

I was just wondering if I could run by the synopsis of the script I'm currently writing. I feel like it's lacking something somewhere, like a clever twist or turn or potentially a different ending altogether.

'Folie' is about a journey into one man's psyche in a tale of twists and turns.
Max (20) is with his friend Josh (20) in the forest when an argument leads to Max pushing Josh over, hitting his head on a sharp edge of a rock and subsequently dying on the ground. Max freaks out and can't believe what he's done and after freaking out over what's happened, he leaves the body and goes home in an attempt to hide from what's happened.

The next day he is plagued with the vivid flashbacks to the incident happening. He tries to call Josh's phone but when he calls he hears the response "This number has not been recognised". Scared and confused he decides to return to the scene of the incident to discover Josh's body not there and the blood from the rock gone.
He starts to question his own sanity, whether he has made this up. Did this even happen? Is Josh even real? Could've have been that kind of person to make up something like this.

He calls up his recent ex-girlfriend and asks about his friend Josh and if she knows where he is. She declines even knowing he had a friend called Josh.

With all this new information in his head now, he starts to really question everything that happened, whether his really is losing it or not. So he decides to bring someone else to where it happened. Someone he's sure is real and alive to the very same spot in the forest to confront the issue head on. He manages to re-create the event identically to the event that happened the day before, and he ends up killing someone he knows is real.




It's the ending I'm really struggling to conclude cleverly, and for it to not be left unanswered or over the top.
Any positive or constructive criticism is very much welcome, and I hope you have a few suggestions!

Thanks in advance!
Conor
 

Demosthenes X

macrumors 68000
Oct 21, 2008
1,954
4
My first thought is, instead of someone else dying in the forest at the end, what if Max dies? Then you end of the implication that Josh was a manifestation of Max's own subconscious, and he foresaw his own death.

You could also leave it open-ended whether the third person was real or not, thus creating the question of who - if anyone - really died or was real.
 
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firestarter

macrumors 603
Dec 31, 2002
5,497
108
Green and pleasant land
How about a supernatural twist?

Josh is dead already, and has unsettled business with Max and his family. (Not sure how you'd succinctly explain this in a setup).

Story proceeds as you've written it - but the closing sequence is Josh observing Max committing the murder. Closing shot zooms in on Josh laughing... he's enticed Max into committing a real murder, and completed his revenge.
 
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conormossie

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Jan 19, 2012
6
0
Really appreciate the feedback guys!

Got some good things to work with now, I'll let you know how it all goes, and hopefully in the not too distant future link the finished video!

If you / anyone can think of anything, please feel free to share.

Thanks again!
 
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kolax

macrumors G3
Mar 20, 2007
9,181
115
How about Max's father heard his son confess during a bad dream that night, and decides to go down to see if it really happened. His father was the one who cleaned up the rock and hid the body.

The following day, Max keeps trying to reach Josh because his bad dream is so vivid and clear but is unable to. His family report him missing.

Now his father is part of it, though it is clear he was decided to sweep it under the carpet for the sake of his son's future. However, Max keeps getting the same bad dream. What will his father do to keep the secret hidden? Will Max's nightmares keep getting worse?
 
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conormossie

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Jan 19, 2012
6
0
Thanks a lot guys! Some really brilliant ideas!
I went down a more supernatural route in the end, but.... you'll have to wait and see the finished product to see what happens :)

I really appreciate all the input and suggestions, so really, thank you all so much.

----------

Oh, also Organicarts, I will check out the site you linked.

Thank for the help there!
 
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