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Should I get her a V-Day Gift?

C

CalPoly10

macrumors regular
Original poster
Sep 5, 2006
140
0
Here's my story:

I'm 21, I go to College and study Engineering. I'd say I'm a catch for a girl. I'm smart, very sociable, and athletic. Genuinely a nice guy, but I have my competetive spurts where I can be an ass.

Anyways, I met a girl a few months back (October). She is a Freshman at my school (I am a 3rd year). We have a bunch of mutual friends, and I've heard about her. She is a really, really sweet girl, has great morals, lots of girlfriends, very conservative.

I find her very attractive (which she is, friends had told me about her before I met her). For a few weeks, I would talk to her when i saw her, but she was shy. She's really funny, but it takes her a bit to open up.

After about 3 weeks of working at her, I asked her out for coffee one night. It was a big deal to her (and her girlfriends), because I am made out to be this "macho" 3rd year Engineer, blah blah blah.

So we got out, have a great time, and she tells me how she is happy I asked her out. We go on a few more dates in the ensuing weeks, end up kissing, etc. No sex or anything, but we both are passionate about eachother.

Now, fast-foreward to Dec 1. I get a job offer to work for 6 months for an Aerospace Engineering company about 5 hours from my school. The offer is great, the pay is amazing, and I'm living in a spectacular city. I couldn't turn the offer down, because I will be back at school next Fall. I told her that I had to take the offer, and she was sad, but she said she'd still be there when I got back.

So, since I left (Beginning of December), I visited her once in her hometown, and saw her one other time. We don't talk hardly ever (on the phone or anything), but when we do see eachother, we pickup where we left off. Holding hands and all, almost like we're a couple.

I don't want to date her while I'm away, because of a few reasons:

1) She's a freshman, and I think she needs to have her own fun with no "guy" around for a while.

2) I'm away and I don't want to start a relationship on those premises.

When I return in the Fall, I will date her if she wants.

Anyways, Valnetines day is ocming up. I'm debating on getting her something or not. Part of me wants to send her flowers, but the other part doesn't want to seem like a desperate guy that is chasing a young girl, if you guys understand what I'm saying.

This may sound weird, but I feel like sending flowers puts her on a pedastool, where she might feel like she has "got me". Sure, I do like her, but I'm not sure I want to succumb to that quite yet.

Any advice here?
 
I think it's a good idea to send her a small gift, nothing too pricey but a nice touch, like you said, flowers. It will show that you care ad it doesn't give the impression that you are desperate.

Ams.
 
CalPoly10 said:
Anyways, Valnetines day is ocming up. I'm debating on getting her something or not. Part of me wants to send her flowers, but the other part doesn't want to seem like a desperate guy that is chasing a young girl, if you guys understand what I'm saying.

This may sound weird, but I feel like sending flowers puts her on a pedastool, where she might feel like she has "got me". Sure, I do like her, but I'm not sure I want to succumb to that quite yet.
Click to expand...

Giving her a gift doesn't make you seem desperate, and that includes giving her flowers.


OK then, lets sit here and think of a present that definitely won't make her feel special. Wouldn't want to give her that impression on Valentines Day, now would we?

Hmmmm....I'm getting some good ideas......
 
anti-microsoft said:
I think it's a good idea to send her a small gift, nothing too pricey but a nice touch, like you said, flowers. It will show that you care ad it doesn't give the impression that you are desperate.

Ams.
Click to expand...

Agreed. Though don't too crazy with the flowers. And don't forget a nice card. :)
 
I see what you guys are saying.

Only thing I can really send her is flowers, and I don't know where she will be. She might be going home, she might be at school, etc. The last thing I want is for a box of flowers to come and they look like crap.

Maybe I just send a nice card? I think that puts in some good thought, isn't over the top (we aren't dating or anything), and shows her I care.

When I left her last, it was understood that now isn't the time. I made it clear to her, and she understood. She had no problem with it either, she's got a good head on her. I like the fact she doesn't call me all the time, text me, etc. We're both kind of waiting it out.

Anyways, I think a nice card will do it. Something sweet, but funny as well.
 
As I've said in other threads similar to this one - don't buy her a 'thing' - buy her an experience. Maybe a couple of tickets for her and a couple of friends to go to a gig or a play or a show or something. Maybe get in touch with a local restaurant you know she likes, organise to pick up the tab for dinner for her and her friends.

Then - her friends will think you're great as well - so when you get back....you're sorted :)
 
iBlue said:
I think there are less potential problems by sending something than not.
Click to expand...

Definitely agree with this one. Send her some flowers and a card, you don't have to go overboard, but I'm sure you'd make her very happy by sending her a small bouquet.

CalPoly10 said:
Only thing I can really send her is flowers, and I don't know where she will be. She might be going home, she might be at school, etc. The last thing I want is for a box of flowers to come and they look like crap.

Maybe I just send a nice card? I think that puts in some good thought, isn't over the top (we aren't dating or anything), and shows her I care.
Click to expand...

Use 1-800-Flowers or something similar and send them to her house/dorm, etc, assuming someone will probably be there to accept the delivery.

This is my personal opinion here, but I think just a card is a little too weak. I get Valentine's day cards from my grandparents, the last thing I want is a potential significant other to send me just a card. It definitely shows her you care, but I think it speaks a little more to the "I just want to be your friend and am not romantically interested in you" level.
 
djellison said:
As I've said in other threads similar to this one - don't buy her a 'thing' - buy her an experience. Maybe a couple of tickets for her and a couple of friends to go to a gig or a play or a show or something. Maybe get in touch with a local restaurant you know she likes, organise to pick up the tab for dinner for her and her friends.

Then - her friends will think you're great as well - so when you get back....you're sorted :)
Click to expand...

I think that's a good idea. I think perhaps even telling her that you may stop by in February, March (i.e. soon) is also OK. It doesn't have to sound all romantic, but



Like you said, perhaps sending her a card is the best thing for your situation, but make sure you send something. It appears that you're not dating right now because the timing is bad, not because you don't like each other. If you want to date her when you get back, Valentines day is a perfectly fine time to remind her of that. I think it's better than people who "play it cool", because that's really unclear, and it's easy to misunderstand exactly what is happening when someone does that.
 
I think I'm just going to send a nice card, with but of humor in it. If you knew me, comedy is my life. I try to put a comical spin on just about everything. It's the main reason I got her to go out with me. This is how it went down:

We're at a friends house, and I'm talking to someone about coffee, and how much I like it. From across the room, she's listening, and says "coffee is disgusting" and we have at it for a minute. The next day, I see her and say "So I was thinking we should go get coffee sometime, I know you love it". Just dumb jokes like that.

Anyways, I don't think I'll buy her a dinner for her and her friends, or tickets to a concert. To me, that is a bit too much.

Flowers would be nice, but I don't think she'll get them, and I think a good card is just as nice. There is a concert coming up in a few months that I will ask her to (Coachella), and I live in the area, so maybe she can meet my parents too at the same time.

She knows me pretty well, and she knows that if I took the time to pick out a card, write some goodies in it, find her address and mail it to her....it's pretty thoughtful. Not that I'm some sort of careless guy, but I've dated my share of women, and I couldn't give a hoot about most of them. She knows this about me
 
Get her flowers at a minimum, not just a card. You do this because A) every girl likes flowers/gift B) She probably won't get anything else for V-day C) She can put the flowers out and show them off to her friends, which only scores you points down the road when they ask about them. What I'm basically saying is is that the potential upside far, far outweighs any downside.

Just a card in the sort of relationship you guys have is kinda awkward, imo. Talk to her friends to find out where she will be to receive them, if you're worried about her not getting them.

You say you've dated your share of women, but this seems like social interactions 101 stuff, man (no offense) If most of the people in this thread say get her something more than a card, I would listen to them.
 
Send her a link to this post :)

That way she'll see you thought of maybe sending her something.

It's the thought that counts, no?
 
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