Should my fiancé go to graduate school?

[puma1552]

Now that more information has come to light, I'd say the OP's fiance should damn well get a masters, and move on and be independent, not saddled at home pregnant and barefoot at 21 with no job prospects for when stuff hits the fan.

 

[TechGod]

Yes. Actually, I had wondered when the interesting light cast by past posts and earlier threads would give rise to informed comment.

Re this particular thread, I have a different take on this to many of the male posters, those offering the 'waste of time' and 'waste of money', arguments…..

While I understand why you posted this, I am a male and completely agree with on this. People need to have a back up plan regardless of the present. Don't think I can add anymore to your excellent point.

 

[0007776]

Just wondering OP, does your fiancé know that you are asking for advice about her future from random strangers on an internet forum?

 

[Keebler]

Hi Stephen,

Here are my thoughts as the stay-at-home Dad. Been at home over 12 years now.

She should wait to take the master's.

Here's why, in my opinion:

1. You both want a family sooner than later
2. You have loans to pay off

So, get married, pay some loans off & have kids.

It sounds like she's a self-starter and while having kids and looking after them at home is not easy, there will be time to take her masters later if she wants. I don't mean after they're in school either. She could always start pecking away at it when they get a bit older. If she wants. Or wait until they start school or enter high school - which seems like lightyears away, but Kenny Chesney sings it right ' Don't blink ' because life goes by fast.

I won't get into the other posts b/c people break up, figure out who they are, what they want and make things right the 2nd (or 3rd) time around.

My wife is the bread winner and I'm a-ok with it. It's a lifestyle choice and it works.

Wouldn't trade it for anything and would do it all over again.

Cheers,
Keebler

 

[juanm]

Yes. Actually, I had wondered when the interesting light cast by past posts and earlier threads would give rise to informed comment.

Alright. Even leaving aside those slightly…….intense……earlier threads, which, frankly, left me slightly uneasy, and I do wonder both at the intensity of feeling and at the different focus and direction this feeling takes depending on the OP's perspective at a given time.

Re this particular thread, I have a different take on this to many of the male posters, those offering the 'waste of time' and 'waste of money', arguments…..

Not surprisingly, as I am female. And I am the female daughter of a female mother whose father had somewhat retarded views towards advanced female education, which is why my mother didn't get a college degree until I was at high school and she was in her forties. She got that while working in paid employment, - holding two jobs over the summer - raising my brothers and I, and - receiving strong and passionate emotional and psychological (and physical -he stayed home the nights she attended classes) support from my father. Both of them thrived as a couple in a relationship, and we, as children, had an amazingly positive role model of a woman who worked, was there for us, and valued school enough to want to do it for herself and well as encourage us to want to achieve academically.

The bottom line is that life doesn't always work out as one might wish, irrespective of how 'traditional' one's perspective on gender roles might be. Women, especially women with families, need to be financially independent.

Basically, my view is that every woman in every relationship should be in a position where her economic & financial independence and autonomy does not become an issue, and is not dependent on the goodwill - or permission - of another person; that means, she works, and has a life and identity and income outside of the home. It means she has options if things go wrong (disaster, desertion, divorce, death…..you know, the stuff life throws at you).

It doesn't have to mean that she ought to work full time, unless she wishes or wants to. Part time work may satisfy her needs, psychologically and financially.

However, I must say that I always hear alarm bells whenever a male poster writes glowingly about 'we are both traditional and family oriented' (what is not family oriented about a woman holding down a job while also raising a family?) And, in my experience, whenever a male asks a public, family, or general audience whether his female partner should undertake further education, the answer he usually wishes to hear is 'No', not 'Yes'. Frankly, it is and should be your partner's decision....

This sort of mindset has always seemed to me to be as much about a desire for control and creating dependence as a preference for inhabiting - willingly or otherwise - traditionally constructed gender roles.

That is a general point. More specifically, I think it is bizarre to post a question on such a topic to an online audience in a tech and Apple forum; in my experience, I must say that nerds are such experts on the frailties and fallibilities of the human condition.

Of yet greater concern is the OP's earlier posting history. Me, I'd advise this lady to get at least 10 degrees, in ascending order of relevance and importance and future-proofed employability, ending with post-doc fellowships……..but then, maybe that is just me.

Yes, my advice for her would be pretty much the same (except that I cannot truthfully say that I'm a woman with a degree). I'd also add: do not get married, and do not have kids. As said before, asking that kind of questions on a tech forum to strangers shows how immature you are. And you've the right to be immature, and to get married, but with children comes great responsibility, and it's clear to anyone who has followed your threads, that you're not ready. It's better to grow up, treat your gambling problems, which in my opinion are only a symptom of larger subjacent insecurity or nervous problems. Life is not a sprint race. Trying to get married and have kids as soon as possible "just because" is not a good idea, and in my opinion you'd be on the expressway heading straight to divorce, which in itself isn't the worst thing, but with kids, they're the ones who'll pay the consequences. Cheers.

 

[dukebound85]

Am I the only one who thinks 21 is way to young for kids?

I am nearly 29 and have my masters and a nice job and still feel uncertain about bringing a life into this world. And the thing is is that I am probably in a much better position to do so compared to most.

OP, I say don't do the masters if she will never use it. They are not cheap to obtain, unless you are in a science field and they are paid for you.

Paying off student loans is not fun. Not sure why she will take on more if she has no plans to use it...

 

[malman89]

Yes. Actually, I had wondered when the interesting light cast by past posts and earlier threads would give rise to informed comment.

Alright. Even leaving aside those slightly…….intense……earlier threads, which, frankly, left me slightly uneasy, and I do wonder both at the intensity of feeling and at the different focus and direction this feeling takes depending on the OP's perspective at a given time.

Re this particular thread, I have a different take on this to many of the male posters, those offering the 'waste of time' and 'waste of money', arguments…..

Not surprisingly, as I am female. And I am the female daughter of a female mother whose father had somewhat retarded views towards advanced female education, which is why my mother didn't get a college degree until I was at high school and she was in her forties. She got that while working in paid employment, - holding two jobs over the summer - raising my brothers and I, and - receiving strong and passionate emotional and psychological (and physical -he stayed home the nights she attended classes) support from my father. Both of them thrived as a couple in a relationship, and we, as children, had an amazingly positive role model of a woman who worked, was there for us, and valued school enough to want to do it for herself and well as encourage us to want to achieve academically.

The bottom line is that life doesn't always work out as one might wish, irrespective of how 'traditional' one's perspective on gender roles might be. Women, especially women with families, need to be financially independent.

Basically, my view is that every woman in every relationship should be in a position where her economic & financial independence and autonomy does not become an issue, and is not dependent on the goodwill - or permission - of another person; that means, she works, and has a life and identity and income outside of the home. It means she has options if things go wrong (disaster, desertion, divorce, death…..you know, the stuff life throws at you).

It doesn't have to mean that she ought to work full time, unless she wishes or wants to. Part time work may satisfy her needs, psychologically and financially.

However, I must say that I always hear alarm bells whenever a male poster writes glowingly about 'we are both traditional and family oriented' (what is not family oriented about a woman holding down a job while also raising a family?) And, in my experience, whenever a male asks a public, family, or general audience whether his female partner should undertake further education, the answer he usually wishes to hear is 'No', not 'Yes'. Frankly, it is and should be your partner's decision....

This sort of mindset has always seemed to me to be as much about a desire for control and creating dependence as a preference for inhabiting - willingly or otherwise - traditionally constructed gender roles.

That is a general point. More specifically, I think it is bizarre to post a question on such a topic to an online audience in a tech and Apple forum; in my experience, I must say that nerds are such experts on the frailties and fallibilities of the human condition.

Of yet greater concern is the OP's earlier posting history. Me, I'd advise this lady to get at least 10 degrees, in ascending order of relevance and importance and future-proofed employability, ending with post-doc fellowships……..but then, maybe that is just me.

My only concern for her to get her Masters (or 10 degrees ) is that she will be over-educated and under-qualified from a lack of real work experience for any real job once she goes into the job market at a future date.

Sure, she could omit her degree from her resume, but there will either be an employment gap needing explained, or if she also worked during that time, what's the point of a degree you can't market to employers?

---

For grad school in general, the returns on investment seem to be less than the gap from a HS diploma/GED to a Bachelors. The main thing about grad school is you should never pay sticker. If you're one of the suckers paying sticker, bless you for subsidizing everyone else. This isn't often the case with Ph.D. programs with their fellowships, but for Masters degrees. Either an employer or scholarship should be paying for most of that degree.

 

[StephenCampbell]

Thank you for all the responses. We're pretty much decided now that one way or another the undergraduate loans should be paid off before/if she attends graduate school. Over the couple years it'll take to pay those off, we'll get a better idea of where my career is going (I'm just starting out and have had a 25% income growth year over year so far), so if by the time the loans are paid off I'm making enough to comfortably buy a modest house and start having kids (I'm already slated to make about 50k in 2014), then we'll just go ahead and do that. If for some reason my career goes awry and I'm only making 30k at the time we finish paying them off, then she'll consider graduate school.

Thanks again!