Having made the promise, I'm going to be certain
So here's what I did (test with my 5c);
-In iPhoto go file/switch to library and in the dialog click create new, this was my library to use once for just the current photos.
-sync the phone to the new library getting just the photos I want there.
- delete all photos on the phone
On the 4s here is where I do one last backup to the mac in iTunes, delete all pictures, update the 4s and then;
-in iTunes click the iPhone icon, click photo setting, enable sync photos all photos events and Faces and checkbox for include videos. And that puts just the photos I want back on the phones. (after one sync I then unchecked that because I don't normally sync photos using iTunes myself). Then
-restore iphoto to the regular library in file/switch to my original library by selecting iPhoto Library.
I understand apple wants to make money on RAM. But this is a UE defect in their product. When I want to update my iPhone, I should be able to plug it into my mac and have that done in minutes with a few clicks. I've paid for a premium user experience, this ain't that. -Boyd Kneeland
PS And actually this has re organized the photos on my phone into the split events on my Mac. So, not a solution. She'll continue running 7.12, I have a house to rent out and a job hunt to ramp up. I will be replacing her 4s in the next year, not sure about apple for that at this point.