Teaser Opinion Needed!

[Babybandit]

Hello. Lately, I've came across a minor predicament - As part of my course, I have the honor of creating a teaser trailer. Which is problematic because I can't sell things! I've cooked up something short but there's just something missing about it that I can't pinpoint. Other than the audio which still needs a bit of fixing.

The teaser trailer is here : Hello! Click Me!, and if you could please spare some time and provide any comments for improvements, I would highly appreciate it.

Thanks!
Calvin!

 

[puckhead193]

Around the 7 seconds in, there is a hiss, is that intentional? Also at then end, that text, I would make it last longer. (say 3-4 seconds) By the time the animations end, the clip is over and youtube already suggests other videos..

 

[diamond3]

The second subtitle "who were plit up because of..." should say split, not plit.

I agree with the previous comment as well.

Another suggestion is to ease into the dialogue. Show a few scenes without the voice over and subtitles in the beginning. Maybe show the two brothers before saying the two brothers. I think it needs a few shots to allow the viewer to get an idea of what it's talking about.
Also, do you want this to be more of a teaser or a trailer? I had a hard time grasping the concept of what it was really about on the first take. I got the few sentences at the beginning, but most the scenes cut too quickly where I didn't recognize the focal point of the shot.

 

[Babybandit]

Thanks!

It is indeed supposed to be a teaser. Thus, I was thinking of going for a quick teaser of the story, followed by a collage of images that represented the result of the split up. Seeing that it's confusing, I guess it's time for some restructuring.

As for easing into the dialogue, I'll have a look at that. Because I've generally started the dialogue before the image in short films I do - I guess it's a lack of teaser conventions. Time to start looking at the clips again.

'Doh! Had totally missed that plit error. Thanks!

Again, Thanks So Much for the comments! . Time to open up Final Cut!

 

[diamond3]

I watched it again.

Here are some thoughts: The first part is pretty good as far as the clips being used. I still think that the dialogue shouldn't start as soon as I hit play. Maybe just give it a second or two to let my eyes notice the two boys and then start in. If the shots you have aren't long, don't be afraid to slow them down a little bit. I should note that since I don't speak the language, part of the problem is I'm drawn to the subtitles instead which may exaggerate the problem.

The last few shots from about :36 and later seem to be just random close ups. I'm not sure what you have to work with or what the video will go into, so I can't really provide a lot of detailed suggestions.
Here's what you have:

-Close up of face​

-Neck​

-Hand​

-Cigar?​

All of these shots don't really say anything. I think they're alright mixed in with the clips showing the actual story, but it seems like too many in a row.