Teaser Opinion Needed!

Babybandit

macrumors regular
Original poster
Oct 29, 2008
126
0
Hello. Lately, I've came across a minor predicament - As part of my course, I have the honor of creating a teaser trailer. Which is problematic because I can't sell things! I've cooked up something short but there's just something missing about it that I can't pinpoint. Other than the audio which still needs a bit of fixing.

The teaser trailer is here : Hello! Click Me!, and if you could please spare some time and provide any comments for improvements, I would highly appreciate it.

Thanks!
Calvin!
 

puckhead193

macrumors G3
May 25, 2004
9,231
444
NY
Around the 7 seconds in, there is a hiss, is that intentional? Also at then end, that text, I would make it last longer. (say 3-4 seconds) By the time the animations end, the clip is over and youtube already suggests other videos..
 

diamond3

macrumors 6502a
Oct 6, 2005
828
251
The second subtitle "who were plit up because of..." should say split, not plit.

I agree with the previous comment as well.

Another suggestion is to ease into the dialogue. Show a few scenes without the voice over and subtitles in the beginning. Maybe show the two brothers before saying the two brothers. I think it needs a few shots to allow the viewer to get an idea of what it's talking about.
Also, do you want this to be more of a teaser or a trailer? I had a hard time grasping the concept of what it was really about on the first take. I got the few sentences at the beginning, but most the scenes cut too quickly where I didn't recognize the focal point of the shot.
 

Babybandit

macrumors regular
Original poster
Oct 29, 2008
126
0
Thanks!

It is indeed supposed to be a teaser. Thus, I was thinking of going for a quick teaser of the story, followed by a collage of images that represented the result of the split up. Seeing that it's confusing, I guess it's time for some restructuring.

As for easing into the dialogue, I'll have a look at that. Because I've generally started the dialogue before the image in short films I do - I guess it's a lack of teaser conventions. Time to start looking at the clips again.

'Doh! Had totally missed that plit error. Thanks!

Again, Thanks So Much for the comments! :D. Time to open up Final Cut!
 

diamond3

macrumors 6502a
Oct 6, 2005
828
251
I watched it again.

Here are some thoughts: The first part is pretty good as far as the clips being used. I still think that the dialogue shouldn't start as soon as I hit play. Maybe just give it a second or two to let my eyes notice the two boys and then start in. If the shots you have aren't long, don't be afraid to slow them down a little bit. I should note that since I don't speak the language, part of the problem is I'm drawn to the subtitles instead which may exaggerate the problem.

The last few shots from about :36 and later seem to be just random close ups. I'm not sure what you have to work with or what the video will go into, so I can't really provide a lot of detailed suggestions.
Here's what you have:
-Close up of face​
-Neck​
-Hand​
-Cigar?​
All of these shots don't really say anything. I think they're alright mixed in with the clips showing the actual story, but it seems like too many in a row.