Texting etiquette: people who take for-ev-er to respond (or never respond)

[Apple fanboy]

The thing that does annoy me quite a bit though is when I send maybe three or four texts, and the person only replies to the last one. It’s almost as if they didn’t even read the ones above.

I’m struggling to think of a scenario when I would send 3-4 texts to someone without reply.
I don’t send many. Outside of work maybe 2-3 people.
But if I was texting someone I’d not send a second text unless they answered the first as a general rule.

But I’d say the same for phone calls. If I called someone 2-3 times without a reply I’d sort of get the hint.

If I called somebody I’d not call back for a few days, but probably not call at all until they called me back.
Missed calls or voicemails (well I have one friend who doesn’t have voicemail, but that’s a different story) show up on your phone. If people don’t call me back I don’t worry about it.

That said my contacts again out of work would look like
Mum (hasn’t called me in years)
Dad (speak every few days, mix between who calls who)
A couple of friends.

If I’m at work I call Mrs AFB every lunchtime and when I leave.

I have text messages with one other friend. That’s about it.

I guess I don’t need or want all that many people in my life.

 

[avz]

If I called someone 2-3 times without a reply I’d sort of get the hint.

Obviously rm5 is not a "quitter" and he does not care if "Elvis has left the building".

 

[russell_314]

The thing that does annoy me quite a bit though is when I send maybe three or four texts, and the person only replies to the last one. It’s almost as if they didn’t even read the ones above.

Maybe that’s a hint that you’re overwhelming the person with texts. Instead of sending three or four send one then wait for a reply. After that send another.

 

[fredrelated]

I’m struggling to think of a scenario when I would send 3-4 texts to someone without reply.
I don’t send many. Outside of work maybe 2-3 people.
But if I was texting someone I’d not send a second text unless they answered the first as a general rule.

But I’d say the same for phone calls. If I called someone 2-3 times without a reply I’d sort of get the hint.

If I called somebody I’d not call back for a few days, but probably not call at all until they called me back.
Missed calls or voicemails (well I have one friend who doesn’t have voicemail, but that’s a different story) show up on your phone. If people don’t call me back I don’t worry about it.

That said my contacts again out of work would look like
Mum (hasn’t called me in years)
Dad (speak every few days, mix between who calls who)
A couple of friends.

If I’m at work I call Mrs AFB every lunchtime and when I leave.

I have text messages with one other friend. That’s about it.

I guess I don’t need or want all that many people in my life.

If people don’t call me back I don’t worry about it.

So if you call someone and they don't return your call you don't care, doesn't bother you, etc.? So why did you call? I guess it depends on the content of the call/message, but you really don't care. Are you one of those people who doesn't call back?
To be blunt I think it's plain old individualism and poor upbringing. You do know that if someone texts you it's basically equivalent to a conversation in person. Could you imagine asking someone something and he/she just turns around and walks away? It would be extremely rude and is the same as texting.
Peace.

 

[Apple fanboy]

If people don’t call me back I don’t worry about it.

So if you call someone and they don't return your call you don't care, doesn't bother you, etc.? So why did you call? I guess it depends on the content of the call/message, but you really don't care. Are you one of those people who doesn't call back?
To be blunt I think it's plain old individualism and poor upbringing. You do know that if someone texts you it's basically equivalent to a conversation in person. Could you imagine asking someone something and he/she just turns around and walks away? It would be extremely rude and is the same as texting.
Peace.

I don’t call anyone who doesn’t call me back. If someone I know calls me and it’s not convenient to answer I’ll call them back.
Same with texts.

But if I called someone or texted them I’d not keep texting or calling until they responded. I wouldn’t need to.

 

[rm5]

Maybe that’s a hint that you’re overwhelming the person with texts. Instead of sending three or four send one then wait for a reply. After that send another.

This is true, and fair enough. However, I think the problem often is that the person gets so many texts that they just simply don’t see mine. I don’t think it’s out of laziness per se, just that they get so many and mine get buried underneath everything.

So often times I wait a few days, or even a week, and no response. But then I send another text, either about that thing or about something completely unrelated, and they respond instantly.

However, I don’t happen to be that type of person, and I always respond as soon as I can. Don’t care how many unread texts there are. 50 separate people could send me different texts and I would still read and respond to them. Likewise, one person could send me 50 texts and I would read and respond. I don’t get annoyed by constant pings because I can always turn on Do Not Disturb if need be.

 

[fredrelated]

This is true, and fair enough. However, I think the problem often is that the person gets so many texts that they just simply don’t see mine. I don’t think it’s out of laziness per se, just that they get so many and mine get buried underneath everything.

So often times I wait a few days, or even a week, and no response. But then I send another text, either about that thing or about something completely unrelated, and they respond instantly.

However, I don’t happen to be that type of person, and I always respond as soon as I can. Don’t care how many unread texts there are. 50 separate people could send me different texts and I would still read and respond to them. Likewise, one person could send me 50 texts and I would read and respond. I don’t get annoyed by constant pings because I can always turn on Do Not Disturb if need be.

Yeah, I like this way of dealing with communication. I am skeptical that people get so so many texts that they can't keep up. Why are you giving your number out to so many people then. I think some people enjoy the validation they get from getting texts, call etc., but don't have the personal integrity to deal with answering, and the little bit of stress it may cause them.

 

[Apple fanboy]

Yeah, I like this way of dealing with communication. I am skeptical that people get so so many texts that they can't keep up. Why are you giving your number out to so many people then. I think some people enjoy the validation they get from getting texts, call etc., but don't have the personal integrity to deal with answering, and the little bit of stress it may cause them.

I’m the complete opposite. You are very special if you have my phone number to send me a text or call in the first place.

 

[rm5]

Yeah, I like this way of dealing with communication. I am skeptical that people get so so many texts that they can't keep up. Why are you giving your number out to so many people then. I think some people enjoy the validation they get from getting texts, call etc., but don't have the personal integrity to deal with answering, and the little bit of stress it may cause them.

Don’t get me wrong, I love texting people (and receiving texts). I am serious—I really don’t mind it.

My rule is if you know me in-person, you can have my number. And you can text, call, FaceTime, etc. anytime you like.

I am a very chill person (others have described me as such, and I would agree), and I rarely get annoyed at people. Texting shouldn’t be a reason for that.

 

[HobeSoundDarryl]

MYOB. Whenever we all learn to stop trying to make others do things as we wish they would and focus on how we conduct our own lives, the sooner both we- and they- can be happier. There's too much of "me" trying to be projected onto "others." They have every right to conduct themselves as they wish. If they saw fault in their own actions, they would adapt/evolve. Perhaps their approach is- through their filter- the very best way to do things... and/or the best they can do for whatever reason.

Let people be however they want to be. Let them answer or not answer, be quick to respond or slow. That's THEIR business. Control what can be controlled: ourselves. Set the example ourselves and others may then follow a better example... or not.

Individuals have been trying to get compliance with "their" view from the beginning of time. It has NEVER worked. Even those who become king or dictator and threaten harsh punishments and/or death can't make everyone perfectly comply with even simple wants that seem generally good. "Do it MY way" is a fruitless pursuit. Throw in the towel and live & let live. Find happiness in your own, "better" way of doing things by doing it yourself.

Resistance is NOT futile. It is "normal"… even human.

 

[I7guy]

Email, text, iMessage, WhatsApp, sms, voicemail. They are all essentially the same. Someone reached out and a response was delayed.

I think the number of ways to contact many people are out of control and it gets overwhelming.

 

[rm5]

Yeah, agreed! Nowadays, I need to check iMessage, Instagram (for story replies and DMs), Discord, and Facebook Messenger. I mean, I don’t really mind doing this, because often times I do when I first get up in the morning, mid-afternoon, and then before I go to bed. (iMessage notifications I’m always getting so I respond to those quickly.) But I can see how this would be annoying for many people.

I will admit, I like it when someone messages me, because I feel at least a little bit valued. When I was younger, no one wanted to talk to me. I was the weird kid with an awful stutter. I did not feel valued at all. I know that may seem extremely self-centered, but I do like talking to people, whether speaking to them or texting, even though it often doesn’t appear that way. I never go hound people, “MESSAGE ME! MESSAGE ME!” or otherwise forcing it because it’s their business and their decision, just saying I appreciate when they do.

 

[jlc1978]

Why not just call him?

I think immediate needs ought to be done using other means, i.e., calling him/her. Why sit there stewing and getting frustrated when picking up the phone and calling him/her will solve the issue

Exactly. There is this app on an iPhone called Phone, that lets you actually talk to someone or leave a message.

I respond to calls and messages, but text may get lost in all the junk ones I get or not looked at until I notice the red dot. For me, a text means the message is not critical or time sensitive, just like an email.

YMMV

 

[Apple fanboy]

Email, text, iMessage, WhatsApp, sms, voicemail. They are all essentially the same. Someone reached out and a response was delayed.

I think the number of ways to contact many people are out of control and it gets overwhelming.

That’s why I limit the platforms I’m on.
Never joined FB, WhatsApp or Twitter. I only have my important email come to my phone. I keep most apps with zero notifications. Just works better for me that way.

 

[rm5]

That’s why I limit the platforms I’m on.
Never joined FB, WhatsApp or Twitter. I only have my important email come to my phone. I keep most apps with zero notifications. Just works better for me that way.

I found I needed to enable FB Messenger notifications as I was missing important texts about cancelled/reschedules rehearsals. But my Instagram notifs are always off. Or else I’d probably get upwards of 50 a day. I just see all that the few times a day I open the app.

 

[Apple fanboy]

I found I needed to enable FB Messenger notifications as I was missing important texts about cancelled/reschedules rehearsals. But my Instagram notifs are always off. Or else I’d probably get upwards of 50 a day. I just see all that the few times a day I open the app.

Not on Insta either. I just don’t have the beef or desire for social media.