Thanksgiving Prep

caseycicada

macrumors member
Original poster
May 27, 2014
80
1
It has been customary for my husband and I to go to either of our Parents' houses for Thanksgiving. But this year, I really want to have thanksgiving at our house, just my husband and I. Is this permissible? I can just hear my mother saying, "Your father might not be here for next Thanksgiving, and you want that to be his last impression of you??"

This is her typical response to things like this. My husband's parents are much more relaxed, but they always hope for us to join them on the holidays.

For the record, I am NOT the kind of person who will happily defy my parents... never have been.

Not sure what I'm asking here, but I just want to have a Thanksgiving with my Husband, in our house.
 

sviato

macrumors 68020
Oct 27, 2010
2,282
45
HR 9038 A
Something something family holiday. I'm sitting out this year too though. Everything will be okay.
 

Tomorrow

macrumors 604
Mar 2, 2008
7,155
1,336
Always a day away
But this year, I really want to have thanksgiving at our house, just my husband and I. Is this permissible?
Good Lord, if you're a married adult looking for permission from your parents to choose your dining companion for a day, you've lost the war years ago.

Have Thanksgiving when and how you like. If you have a good relationship with your parents and would like to keep it that way, continue to visit them when you see fit. If you miss Thanksgiving and see them on a different occasion, I say no harm done.
 

12vElectronics

macrumors 68040
Jul 19, 2013
3,927
1,222
California
Good Lord, if you're a married adult looking for permission from your parents to choose your dining companion for a day, you've lost the war years ago.

Have Thanksgiving when and how you like. If you have a good relationship with your parents and would like to keep it that way, continue to visit them when you see fit. If you miss Thanksgiving and see them on a different occasion, I say no harm done.
At the end of the day, regardless how old you are, most parents still view their kids as their babys. I'm a grown male and anytime me and my father disagree, it still eats at me inside. I respect his opinions and feelings alot. :)
 

Tomorrow

macrumors 604
Mar 2, 2008
7,155
1,336
Always a day away
At the end of the day, regardless how old you are, most parents still view their kids as their babys. I'm a grown male and anytime me and my father disagree, it still eats at me inside. I respect his opinions and feelings alot. :)
Respecting someone's feelings is admirable. Your father can - and should - extend to you the same courtesy.

Seeking daddy's permission to dine with your spouse when you're an adult is something that makes no sense to me.
 

12vElectronics

macrumors 68040
Jul 19, 2013
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California
Respecting someone's feelings is admirable. Your father can - and should - extend to you the same courtesy.

Seeking daddy's permission to dine with your spouse when you're an adult is something that makes no sense to me.
I agree that requiring permission is a tad bit extreme.. As with anything, compromise and finding a middle ground is usually best.
 

Jessica Lares

macrumors G3
Oct 31, 2009
9,274
781
Near Dallas, Texas, USA
Don't let your mother make you feel bad. First of all, it's a holiday that is still about two months away. Second of all, you're an adult, and you're married. She needs to understand that you need to have as much respect towards your husband, as much as you still have to respect her as your mother.

It is perfectly OKAY to have a quiet dinner between just the people who live in your household, even if it's just your significant other. You'd be surprised at how many people don't go to big huge family get togethers anymore and just have a nice meal. That has been the case with our family for at least 10 years now and for every holiday.

My mom once told me that it doesn't have to be a holiday to show your gratitude towards others and that random acts of kindness are better.

It would be another story if your mother was alone.
 

maflynn

Moderator
Staff member
May 3, 2009
66,704
33,594
Boston
I think its permissible to do what ever you want.

I've done the just the two of us type of thing in the past, now that we have kids, we frequently do the family gig.

Having dinner then visiting afterwards is always an options as well.
 

12vElectronics

macrumors 68040
Jul 19, 2013
3,927
1,222
California
Don't let your mother make you feel bad. First of all, it's a holiday that is still about two months away. Second of all, you're an adult, and you're married. She needs to understand that you need to have as much respect towards your husband, as much as you still have to respect her as your mother.

It is perfectly OKAY to have a quiet dinner between just the people who live in your household, even if it's just your significant other. You'd be surprised at how many people don't go to big huge family get togethers anymore and just have a nice meal. That has been the case with our family for at least 10 years now and for every holiday.

My mom once told me that it doesn't have to be a holiday to show your gratitude towards others and that random acts of kindness are better.

It would be another story if your mother was alone.
Only 49 days including today and Thanksgiving day in the calculation :D
 

vulcanvillalta

macrumors 6502
May 19, 2014
420
3
It's difficult to please everybody, and you never will succeed. I say that you should do what YOU want to do. If your parents would like to spend time with you, it should mutually be their efforts to make that happen. They should come to have lunch with you and your husband on Thanksgiving; that would be nice. And then maybe go to his parent's house for Black Friday dinner?
 

Apple fanboy

macrumors Westmere
Feb 21, 2012
37,235
26,299
Behind the Lens, UK
I can't relate to Thanksgiving Dinners (cause what's all that about?). But I remember we used to have similar issues in my house at Christmas.
Both mine and my wife's parents were divorced and that meant you couldn't do Christmas lunch with all of them. Also we live around 3 hours away from my parents, and 1-2 from my wife's.
As nobody had room to put us up, I used to spend 6 hours a day driving. One year there was s mix up with the visiting times, and both my parents got it into their heads we were having Chritmas lunch with them.
After our daughter was born (the first grandchild) it got even worse. When she got to about three, I said enough is enough. Your welcome to join us for Christmas, but I won't be spending it driving, as it's not fair for her.
My wife's mum passed away 6 years ago, and we don't ever see her dad (his choice). So my mum and dad visit us on separate days, but generally we have Christmas Day at home alone.
Family's are complicated. But ultimately you can't please everybody all the time, and nor should you try. Your imeadiate family is your wife now. Your parents should understand.
My dad would always lay a guilt trip on us, but that's his problem not ours.
 

maflynn

Moderator
Staff member
May 3, 2009
66,704
33,594
Boston
It's difficult to please everybody, and you never will succeed.
When it comes to your extended family, i.e., inlaws and extended family, you never will. I'd not look to doing the holidays with that in mind as well. It should be more about what's important to you and your immediate family. Not what your mother/father or mother-in-law or father-in-law wants because you'll drive yourself crazy trying to please everyone.
 

localoid

macrumors 68020
Feb 20, 2007
2,447
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America's Third World
I'm a girl on the internet...
Well, the rules say that the Internet is a place where men are men, the women are also men, and children are FBI agents.

But if you are indeed a true exception to the rule, to cope with the paradox that there are no girls on the Internet you probably should watch this informative video, The Girl's Guide to the Internet.

 

dianestory2

macrumors 6502
Sep 16, 2014
257
1
Well, the rules say that the Internet is a place where men are men, the women are also men, and children are FBI agents.

But if you are indeed a true exception to the rule, to cope with the paradox that there are no girls on the Internet you probably should watch this informative video, The Girl's Guide to the Internet.

YouTube: video
That is very informative. I think my username gives it away that I am a woman. I will have to change it to something else, and pose as a male to disguise the fact that I am not a woman. :p thanks, boys.
 

localoid

macrumors 68020
Feb 20, 2007
2,447
1,734
America's Third World
That is very informative. I think my username gives it away that I am a woman. I will have to change it to something else, and pose as a male to disguise the fact that I am not a woman. :p thanks, boys.
All kidding aside, MacRumors is one of the more "bright and well-lighted" places in Cyberspace, so I doubt you'd run into any serious problems here. :D
 
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