1. United States government
2. RIAA
3. Oil Companies
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The Axis of Just As Evil, by John Cleese:
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of
Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had
formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be
more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis
President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the
new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name.
"Right. They are just as evil . . . in their
dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being
evil .. . we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could
join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said
Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An axis can't have more than three counties", explained
Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's
tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and
Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a
secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool." International
reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain
triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical
chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that
they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia
to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally
Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the
"Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just
Generally Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable
clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda
applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the
Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the
Olympics".
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations
That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty
Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and
Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to
Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something
we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval
for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of
the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing
one of its members of filing a false application. Officials
from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis,
but privately world leaders said that's only because no one
asked them.
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