The Best Spam I've Ever Gotten

beatsme

macrumors 65816
Original poster
Oct 6, 2005
1,204
1
this is rather long, but I had to post it because it was so well done...

From: Jerome Lewis Esq.

The inspiration to contact you is simply divine providence, I am making this proposition because I have to seek the partnership of a resource person to help me realize this project.

I am Jerome Lewis Esq. a solicitor and investment consultant based in London, United Kingdom. I was attending a business luncheon in Berlin, Germany and I got introduced to the renowned German businessman and property mogul, Mr. Andreas Schranner(of the blessed memory).


He engaged my services as attorney and investment consultant and my primary assignment was to spearhead his investment forays in the United Kingdom. Three months later I invited him to London and under my professional guidance and based on my advice he made a fixed deposit of 30,000,000,00EUR at with security companies in Germany and Netherlands.


This deposit was for 12months and upon maturity I made effort to contact my client, I could not reach him or any member of his family. I was forced to travel to Germany and there I got the tragic news that on July 25TH, 2000, my client Mr. Andreas Schranner, his wife Maria, their daughter Erich and husband Christina and their two children perished in the Air France Concorde New York bound flight; please click here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

I have made effort to locate any member of his family with strong biological links to my late client without success. The search to find a close relation is one that has consumed time and resources. The institution is asking me to either present a next of kin to late Andreas Schranner or forfeit the deposit. My proposal is to you as next of kin to late Andreas Schranner and process the deposit and collect the deposits for our mutual benefit.

My capacity as solicitor/investment consultant to my late client gives me the discretion to package and transfer the deposit to you.

I will give you 30% for your effort, 60% for me and 10% for Charity and Tsunami Victims. It will amount to injustice if I do not take this decisive step to secure this deposit, and invest it The late Schranner was also a friend in addition to our business relationship.

I will wait for your reaction and response and then together we can jump start this project and nurture it to reality.

Please, make sure you respond through this my confidential email address:

jeromelewiseq@openbg.com
or
jeromelewis@katamail.com


Your swift response is anticipated.

Yours faithfully

Jerome Lewis Esq.
 

MacBoobsPro

macrumors 603
Jan 10, 2006
5,115
6
Wow. Mr Lewis is one hell of a genealogist! Just like all the others. I like the concorde bit though. Funny as hell!

Also I am apparently related to a Nigerian who died in a Diamond mine and hes left me $20m. I think i'll pick it up next time Im visiting Auntie Mdungpoo.
 

iGary

Guest
May 26, 2004
19,583
0
Randy's House
Filtered Mail
803 Good Messages
1020 Spam Messages (56%)
25 Spam Messages Per Day

SpamSieve Accuracy
14 False Positives
79 False Negatives (85%)
94.9% Correct

Corpus
496 Good Messages
746 Spam Messages (60%)
57265 Total Words

Rules
242 Blocklist Rules
501 Whitelist Rules

Showing Statistics Since
8/25/06 9:46 PM
I get some serious spam. Nearly 30 a day.
 

jdechko

macrumors 601
Jul 1, 2004
4,091
217
Man, you are one lucky guy, beatsme. :rolleyes:

Just a couple of things ...

Wouldn't it be 30.000.000,00EUR as they use "." in place of "," and "," in place of "." for numbers?

Also, wouldn't he have said 25th July 2000?

If he's from London, as he claims to be. (I know, it's a scam).
 

beatsme

macrumors 65816
Original poster
Oct 6, 2005
1,204
1
jdechko said:
Man, you are one lucky guy, beatsme. :rolleyes:
I know, right? They put so much thought into it, with the weblink and the very nearly proper grammar. This is really expert-level bullsh*t ;)
 

Blue Velvet

Moderator emeritus
Jul 4, 2004
21,920
166
No London-based solicitor would spell 'realise' with a 'z' nor would they use such a piece of ugly language as:

'I was attending a business luncheon in Berlin, Germany and I got introduced to the renowned German businessman...'

Got introduced? :rolleyes:


There's nothing 'expert' about this at all.
 

pianoman

macrumors 68000
May 31, 2006
1,962
0
i use Gmail so it filters out my spam into a different folder which i don't generally look at (only occasionally if i am waiting for an e-mail that hasn't arrived will i check there). very infrequently do i get an e-mail that made it past the spam filter but if i don't know who it is from i don't open it. it's as simple as that.
 

notjustjay

macrumors 603
Sep 19, 2003
6,043
114
Canada, eh?
I think the best one I ever got was this one (I posted it on my blog, I liked it so much):

Dear (notjustjay)
,

We recently noticed one or more attempts to log in to your TD CanadaTrus account
from a different IP address.

If you recently accessed your account while traveling, the unusual log in
attempts may have been initiated by you. However, if you did not initiate
the log ins, please visit PayPal as soon as possible to check-up your
account information:

https://easyweb36w.tdcanadatrust.com/

Thanks for your patience.

Sincerely,
PayPal
The URL link was COMPLETELY obviously bogus. Some scammer must have been having a really bad hair day.
 

iGary

Guest
May 26, 2004
19,583
0
Randy's House
notjustjay said:
I think the best one I ever got was this one (I posted it on my blog, I liked it so much):



The URL link was COMPLETELY obviously bogus. Some scammer must have been having a really bad hair day.
Unless they send me a letter, I don't do crap.
 

Diavilo1

macrumors member
Apr 12, 2005
80
0
iGary said:
I get some serious spam. Nearly 30 a day.
Nasty nasty stuff. A client of mine recently recorded 97,000 messages caught in their spam filter that I set them up wiht in a 24 hour period of time. They have about 25 users and it equated to about 600MB of data. Craziness.
 

MacBoobsPro

macrumors 603
Jan 10, 2006
5,115
6
iGary said:
Unless they send me a letter, I don't do crap.
Ive had two letters in the post :eek:

Because I am a 'successful entrepeneur' they chose me to deposit funds in my account to hold on to for a year. I could use it as long as there was no less than 90% left at the end of the year. $900,000 I spent! :rolleyes:
 

iGary

Guest
May 26, 2004
19,583
0
Randy's House
Diavilo1 said:
Nasty nasty stuff. A client of mine recently recorded 97,000 messages caught in their spam filter that I set them up wiht in a 24 hour period of time. They have about 25 users and it equated to about 600MB of data. Craziness.
Spamsieve is a great app. I used to spend all day looking at my inbox, and now, only stuff I really need to look at comes through. It's just about dead accurate.
 

Silencio

macrumors 68020
Jul 18, 2002
2,366
230
NYC
I need to track down the spam message I received sometime back in 1998 entitled "Walk where Jesus walked":

"Hi. This is Reverend Jerry Falwell, and I invite you to visit Liberty University" or some such crap like that. So on top of all the other unredeeming qualities of the guy, he's also a spammer! :rolleyes:
 

erickkoch

macrumors 6502a
Jan 13, 2003
676
0
Kalifornia
I got some spam from Yasser Arafats' widow asking me to help her get access to her dead husbands money. Wish I'd saved it. I love hearing how I'm a "person of good reputation."
 

notjustjay

macrumors 603
Sep 19, 2003
6,043
114
Canada, eh?
iGary said:
Unless they send me a letter, I don't do crap.
Of course. But the fact that they not only mis-spelled TD Canada Trust, but also mixed up references to both TD and PayPal (these scammers must all use the same form letters), make it all the funnier.

And, of course, I'm not even a TD customer.
 

Queso

Suspended
Mar 4, 2006
11,826
7
stuartluff said:
Also I am apparently related to a Nigerian who died in a Diamond mine and hes left me $20m. I think i'll pick it up next time Im visiting Auntie Mdungpoo.
I know I shouldn't have laughed, but that comment is hilarious :D :D
 

yg17

macrumors G5
Aug 1, 2004
14,911
2,480
St. Louis, MO
The funniest one I've ever gotten had to be one for Cialis:

You alw@ys wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue.
Our Soft Cialis Tabs can help you fulfill your dreams.
The fashion of newest creation – the further is ejaculation.
Soft Cialis Tabs will help you to be very fashionable.

url removed

Did you know th@t st@t1stic$ say that sex makes you look 12 years y0unger.
Don’t y0u wanna look 50 at the age of 62?
If you have any problems with sex,
Soft Viagra tabs can definitely help you.
Hello!
My name is Erectile Dysfunction.
I have a lot of friends such us: bad sex, awful mood, dissatisfied wife, short erections and spoiled condoms.
But I do have one enemy – its name is Soft Cialis Tabs.
When they appear, I disappear.
Do you want to do something useful in your life?
Advice your friend Soft Cialis Tabs for the best erection.
 

tartankisses

macrumors newbie
Oct 7, 2006
1
0
relations

well Beatsme, this must mean that we are related as i got the exact same email, where do they get peoples details from? how silly do they think people are?