The break up....

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by rei101, Aug 23, 2012.

  1. rei101, Aug 23, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2012

    rei101 macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2011
    #1
    Just wanted to share.

    It is amazing when someone you were dying for means anything anymore. My mind is clear, I am happy, everything is simple and just fine.

    Last year I met this spectacular girl, I am 37 and to mention that someone is spectacular at my age is something. The second time I saw her I saw the mother of my kids.

    The girl... lol... happen to suffer from something called Borderline Personality Disorder. She was neglected as a kid and I felt she was scared of things and very insecure in an unusual way.

    I felt into this "Superman Complex" I will protect you! But a person with BPD takes your "caring" and then go to search for more. She need so much attention to feel "I am here and I exist" that she flirts and get laid with everybody.

    Any way... I was shocked and then I knew what BPD was.

    It took me a while (several month) to take her out of my mind, specially because she was alone in this country and the friend she hooked up with were into drugs. I mean, that is what they use to deny their pain.

    But finally my mind got clear, I am not superman, I do can not save anybody and I have to take care of my own life. Easy to say, not easy to feel it.

    I even became very spiritual and started to pray to God, and trust me, once you surrender to him, what ever you ask him, he will make it happen, slowly but he will. I asked him to take her away from my mind and make me regain my center and it happened.

    I see pictures of hers but... there is nothing, no chemistry, I see someone actually annoying and that is it.

    Lets be ready for another girl, a fun one.

    Just sharing.
     
  2. ucfgrad93 macrumors P6

    ucfgrad93

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Location:
    Colorado
    #2
    Congrats on learning this very important lesson. It is a difficult one to say the least. I hope you find someone you can be happy with.
     
  3. rei101 thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2011
    #3
    It was a huge learning experience, mayor.

    Because I always felt attracted to girls in trouble because I felt I had something to give. That is called "Superman Complex". And having a situation inside the relationship would create that sense of needing each other.

    The problem was that my girlfriends never grew up, because they had Lois Lane Complex... they liked to feel protected so they were always in trouble or behind me and no by my side. Of course relationships like that consumes themselves.

    This girl was the extreme, super sexy, super sweet and super needy. But... she was not satisfied with me because she needed more attention.

    My question then was: why I felt into this? I had to meditated and realized that I was neglected as a kid, no horribly bad but I was the youngest and my parents were already tired with my older sister and brother, so I was like the extra person in the house. And my way to feel appreciated was to look for someone needy. I never realized I was playing that game.

    So... after a lot of meditation I actually had to evaluate my way to love and go over many little things that made me co dependent and yes... depressive sometime and neurotic.

    So, in small steps I led things to happen, no rushing into new relationships an starting to contact healthy girls. Now, I am not succeeding much but eventually it is going to happen.

    The good thing is that I feel fine and that's ok.
     
  4. ucfgrad93 macrumors P6

    ucfgrad93

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Location:
    Colorado
    #4
    "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

    In our culture of instant gratification, it is difficult to not try and solve our problems immediately. But sometimes, it takes time to change. I'm glad you are doing well.
     

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