The Pope starts a new crusade against demonic toast.

[joepunk]

You know that piece of toast you have with the face of Mary on it? You might have to get it authenticated before you put it on eBay.

The Pope is declaring a 'holy war' against people who claim falsely that the Virgin Mary is appearing to them.
He will attempt to snuff out an explosion of bogus heavenly apparitions with new guidelines to help bishops root out frauds.

Benedict XVI plans to publish criteria to help them distinguish between true and false claims of visions of Jesus and the Virgin Mary, messages, stigmata - the appearances of the five wounds of Christ - and weeping or bleeding statues.

In some cases exorcists will be used to determine if a credible apparition is 'divine' origin or 'demonic'.

 

[edesignuk]

wait wait wait. so the pope wants proof and validation of other peoples long shot unproven claims?

 

[garybUK]

wait wait wait. so the pope wants proof and validation of other peoples long shot unproven claims?

Another case of "Do as i say and not as i do" this guy is funny! makes me glad Henry VIII decided to break free!

 

[AppleMatt]

wait wait wait. so the pope wants proof and validation of other peoples long shot unproven claims?

Woah woah woah. Stop. You're not attempting to question religion are you? Didn't anyone tell you that we're not allowed to question religion - it's given a higher status than other topics worthy of debate.

Sit back down. Right now. (Or burn in hell).

AppleMatt (popped out for a flameproof suit)

 

[BoyBach]

makes me glad Henry VIII decided to break free!

As Brendan Behan succinctly put it: "The Church of England was founded on the bollocks of Henry VIII.''

 

[Queso]

Herr Ratzinger likes competition in the marketplace even less than Ballmer

 

[brad.c]

That's Frank Zappa. Clearly out of the Pope's jurisdiction.

EDIT: Or Derek Smalls. Same story.

 

[Xenious]

This just in....

Virgin mary toast tastes better than the leading brand.

 

[arkitect]

Herr Ratzinger likes competition in the marketplace even less than Ballmer

Oh i can see it now…
Pope pacing up and down on a marble dais, furiously pumping his fists in the air, sweating like a Papal Bull(a)…

"We need… Missionaries!
Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… Missionaries… and priests!"

With apologies to Ballmer's Monkeyboy dance…

 

[millar876]

everyone seems to forget he was in the hitler youth. Forced into it mind you. and to be fair , NO idea that he can ever come up with will ever make him seem as utterly barmey as Arch Bishop(?) Rowan Williams, Head of the church of england. Just google him and you'll find many instances of this lunacey, including the idea hes got that disney is evil because the characters dont wear trousers or inspire family values.

 

[iParis]

That's total crap. Why should we have to listen to him, whether we're catholic or not. Religion needs to stop controlling everyone's lives.

 

[Lurchdubious]

I find this funny.

 

[joepunk]

"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

 

[Counterfit]

That's total crap. Why should we have to listen to him, whether we're catholic or not. Religion needs to stop controlling everyone's lives.

How is this controlling everyone's lives?

 

[synth3tik]

In some cases exorcists will be used to determine if a credible apparition is 'divine' origin or 'demonic'.

I think it is (should) meant to say "'divine' origin or moronic" and not demonic.

 

[iParis]

How is this controlling everyone's lives?

Ok. contolling what we can and cannot put on eBay.

 

[Rt&Dzine]

He's got a point about false claims. That toast image is clearly Jeff Daniels . . . not the Virgin Mary.

 

[apsterling]

"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

Saw it coming!
This is kind of ridiculous.

 

[maestrocasa]

um...

so he's wanting scientific proof of an object's divinity (or lack thereof)?

that's going to be a tricky one. You're opening up a can of worms on that one, your eminence.

 

[NT1440]

I just love having something that no matter how blue im feeling, can always cheer me up with a laugh: the church.

It just seems to get funnier as I get older.....

 

[.Andy]

That toast image is clearly Jeff Daniels . . . not the Virgin Mary.

Have you ever seen the two of them in the same room?

 

[AppleMatt]

The visionaries will next be visited by psychiatrists, either atheists or Catholics, to certify...whether they are suffering from...delusions of leadership

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. You couldn't make that stuff up.

AppleMatt

 

[neonblue2]

South Park, anyone?

 

[Rt&Dzine]

Have you ever seen the two of them in the same room?

". . . In the name of the Virgin, Jeff Daniels, and the Holy Toast. Amen."

.

 

[BlackSnow]

Demonic toast taste the best, though. So, scientific proof of a religious event is ok when the church wants it, seems legit.