My personal experience says different. Very different.
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The "What do you do for work" question that always comes up
- Thread starter dukebound85
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if I get asked that question quickly, I suspect that they're uncomfortable in social situations that expect some sort of small talk.......maybe they've even read a magazine article about how to make small talk
it seems to me that it's more of a question that comes about out of uncertainty about how to keep the conversation moving along as opposed to being judgmental
(of course I have answers ready to keep the small talk flowing LOL)
it seems to me that it's more of a question that comes about out of uncertainty about how to keep the conversation moving along as opposed to being judgmental
(of course I have answers ready to keep the small talk flowing LOL)
All I picture with this... is Neil Patrick Harris from Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle...
Honestly, I think your post is reading way too deep into this. I’m not saying that’s not logical, but some people are just genuinely curious. I’m one of those people that likes to poke and prod, especially if it’s maybe a new neighbor moving in, or if it’s a new colleague, or heck, even a stranger at the grocery store talking about sports cars, etc. I don’t necessarily think it’s a situation where somebody is stumbling to figure out what to say next, we’re human, and we’re all very naturally curious how things operate and who we/they are. I also think it translates, to somebody that might find somebody else interesting, so you naturally like to know more about that person.
I’m also very extroverted, I understand that some people are introverted. But nonetheless, I would say curiosity ultimately trumps the social circle of being uncomfortable when we just want to know more. And sometimes there is situations where it’s not appropriate to ask people ‘what you do’, and I think we’ve all crossed that border at least once.
But I also want to point out, I do think some people ask ‘what you do for a living’, because they try to —size you up— maybe if you’re living a comparable lifestyle to that person based off what you’re wearing, driving, size of your house, etc. It’s almost like a societal tendency for being superficial.
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of course some people are just genuinely curious, and that's fine, even desirable, but my post was in response to the idea expressed by the OP;
"any here are probably asked this within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone.
I have started to really have disdain for this question as I am realizing it to be more and more a barometer to determine what level of respect someone should give you"
And as I posted, my experience was different than his
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I see you edited your post well after you posted original one, which you originally asked me “Why I was so quick to ask somebody what they do for a living being I’m extroverted”. So I’m going to reply to your original post that you posted that you edited after-the-fact.
Anytime I have a conversation with someone, I’m never ‘quick’ to ask them “What they do for a living”. I typically engage in conversation with somebody that I might find interesting or want to get to know on a more personal level if it’s like a new neighbor like I gave with the previous example. I never just push to anyone and say “Hey, what do you do for a living” within the first minute, that’s not respectful, nor appropriate. If I generally want to get to know somebody, and if I’m still interested in further dialogue, then I might ask that question, especially if we share similar patterns with similarities, likes or even know some of the same core group of people within the community, workforce, ect. If I don’t feel the conversation connects I’m discussing with someone and I’m curious to know what they do for a living, I won’t ask them, because I generally don’t want to get to know that person.
Yes, I decided it wasn't worth pursuing and I edited my post.....if you'd responded to the earlier version, I wouldn't have.
Your previous post left the impression that you're quite enthusiastic about poking and prodding into the details of other peoples' lives, and to an extent that you recognize is not always appropriate. It seemed to me that you were using being a very extroverted person as a defense to the OP's objections.
So now you've clarified things.
When I read your original post, I didn’t have to respond just because I read it at that moment. I came back later on to respond when I had more time during my day, and I see you edited it after that fact. I can see that since I called you out on that you edited it, that clearly bothered you. I’m just pointing out, that you backtracked originally what you said, seemingly to avoid other points made.
I’m only enthusiastic about being curious with anyone that I actually have a solid conversation with. As I already mentioned, I don’t ask anybody ‘what they do’ for a living if I’m not interested in discussing anything with said person or if I feel that person isn’t someone where I would want to know that. If we have connections, then great, then I might ask, if not, then I move on and I don’t ask. It’s not really that complicated. Like I said, people are naturally curious, and if there’s more of a detailed conversation that’s cordial, then absolutely I would ask, which creates more dialogue.
I absolutely have zero idea where you’re going with this and quite frankly, it doesn’t even make sense. I use the ‘extroverted’ example of what type of character I am, because naturally when somebody is talkative, it leads to other parts of discussion that might further open up about somebody’s career, who they are, where they’re from, etc. Again, I don’t know why you’re over complicating it, when you have somebody that generally is interested in dialogue with somebody else, those types of questions naturally come up. It’s that simple.
So, now I have clarified things for you hopefully.
I’ve never had a problem with the question. I’m a data nerd that works for a large commercial bank. I tell people that and it usually ends there before I have to give them the specifics (which most seem to find boring). I like what I do, but the problem is that it’s difficult to explain it in a way that doesn’t make people’s eyes glaze over.
While I don’t have a problem answering the question, I rarely ask it myself unless it is clearly in the context of what we are talking about at that moment. The answer to the questions is rarely informative if you’re really trying to get to know someone. For most people, a job is a job and even if it isn’t, it’s still a small part of who they really are.
While I don’t have a problem answering the question, I rarely ask it myself unless it is clearly in the context of what we are talking about at that moment. The answer to the questions is rarely informative if you’re really trying to get to know someone. For most people, a job is a job and even if it isn’t, it’s still a small part of who they really are.
Why have disdain for it?
This is a question I will often ask someone; in a professional setting, it will give pointers as to where the conversation may go, and will allow you to identify and explore topics that may be of mutual interest.