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To the Parents: Jealousy

Peyton

Peyton

macrumors 68000
Original poster
Feb 2, 2006
1,615
0
I'm not saying I don't have my problems, but I've never really struggled with jealousy.
Recently however, I've wondered if parents become jealous of their children... is this true?

I notice my parents CHECKING ME OUT like eyeing me and everything (not sexually obviously) but its a little weird. My dad is 47 and he has put on a little weight over the years, I'm very active, not tied down to a job (I work a lot, but not fixed hours/retail/waiter sort of jobs)

So do parents get jealous of their children?
What can I do about it if its true?
Thoughts?
 
Checking you out? How are your parents checking you out?

I only recall my Dad expressing pride, and maybe jerkiing me back when I was showing a lack of experience (age=wisdom), but never any sense of competition. That's just me though.

Did you win the lottery and keep all the cash to yourself? That might cause sour grapes, and the occasional measure via a quick glance, so they know how large to make the hole in the ground. ;)



​
 
cyberddot said:
Checking you out? How are your parents checking you out?

Did you win the lottery and keep all the cash to yourself? That might cause sour grapes, and the occasional measure via a quick glance, so they know how large to make the hole in the ground. ;)



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I mean like I said, nothing sexual, but its more than a quick glance. Anyhow, I've been pretty productive in college and made some money, I can't imagine he's jealous of that, but I don't know, maybe my freedom? lack of responsibilities? I always know when he/she does it because they get more irrational/ easily upet.

I dunno :confused:
 
I do know that sometimes parents get a bit envious of the fact that their children are young and have their whole lives ahead of them, perhaps their bodies are more fit and their skin less wrinkled, their freedom, etc. But "jealous" and "CHECKING ME OUT" makes it sound like your jut a tad too full of yourself.
And now I sit back and let the games begin.
 
Parents look at their adolescent kids and see two things: [1], a young adult with their whole life and a world of possibilities laid out before them, and [2], a fond but somehow sad memory of the small child you used to be.
When you have a kid, and they get old enough that they stop running up to you, throwing their arms around you, and telling you "I love you," you'll understand.

Now, please excuse me. I have to go home and love up my son while he'll still put up with it.
 
I suppose it's possible.

Not being a parent myself, I'm going to guess there are two types of parents out there, relative to this situation:

Those who become jealous of their children and their accomplishments, and those who become proud.

I think mine fall into the latter group, and I know I will too some day.
 
zelmo said:
Parents look at their adolescent kids and see two things: [1], a young adult with their whole life and a world of possibilities laid out before them, and [2], a fond but somehow sad memory of the small child you used to be.
When you have a kid, and they get old enough that they stop running up to you, throwing their arms around you, and telling you "I love you," you'll understand.

Now, please excuse me. I have to go home and love up my son while he'll still put up with it.
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Good for you, zelmo. Keep sowing that kind of seed, and it'll come back to bless you. Ours are 21 and 19, and we still get the hugs. I think most parents are their kids' greatest fans.
 
xsedrinam said:
Good for you, zelmo. Keep sowing that kind of seed, and it'll come back to bless you. Ours are 21 and 19, and we still get the hugs. I think most parents are their kids' greatest fans.
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My Dad was a big fan until he married my step mom, and then she kind of poisoned him with the "you have to do A,B and C to be succesful in life" bug.

I eventually set him straight and he understood why I quit jobs and work for myself. She's coming around and is starting to see that it takes just as much guts NOT to go to school and make a go of it and work for yourself as it does to go the other route. In fact, its scarier, IMO.

I think she would rather me work a 9-5 government job for less pay, but it ain't me. She's starting to get that that is OK.

Otherwise, I miss my dad and mom. I think everyone should be greatful for their parents. They can vanish in a second. :eek:
 
zelmo said:
When you have a kid, and they get old enough that they stop running up to you, throwing their arms around you, and telling you "I love you," you'll understand.
Click to expand...

Hang about... I live about 500 miles from my mother and I haven't lived at home for over a decade. But I tell her 'I love you' every time I speak to her and every time I see her, I throw my arms around her. I don't believe not doing so has anything to do with age. She looks at me - not with jealousy but with pride - so much so that sometimes I think she sees me with rose-tinted glasses but I know that no-one else in the world will ever think I'm great as she does.
 
I doubt my parents are jealous of me. They have it made. I am sure they wish they were still young but they have no regrets. I dont see many parents being jealous of their kids. Its two totally different lifestyles.
 
Peyton said:
I mean like I said, nothing sexual, but its more than a quick glance. Anyhow, I've been pretty productive in college and made some money, I can't imagine he's jealous of that, but I don't know, maybe my freedom? lack of responsibilities? I always know when he/she does it because they get more irrational/ easily upet.

I dunno :confused:
Click to expand...

Are you sure this isn't a perception issue that you have? Maybe your Da' is proud of you, and in you he can see his success at fatherhood, his genes being expressed in a way that without him, never would've existed.

How do you feel about your parents? Maybe your interpretation of their looks is creepy to your parents and that's why they get upset? I remember thinking I knew a lot more about what was going on in the world, and thinking how incredible it was that my parents could walk upright without any assistance. Looking back though, I also realize just how full of **it I really was, and a not a slight bit of guilt about what I put my parents (mostly my Dad) through.

Maybe you should get a job and start paying rent? ;) :D


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Maybe your real parents were sociopaths and your current parents stole you from them to "save you" and they both notice as you get older how much you look like your biological sociopath parents?

Or aliens.

Or it's that giant zit on your nose.
 
I think it's quite possible that they're a bit jealous of you, but it's very possible they're no, so don't paint yourself some big, idealistic picture of how wonderful you are.

They probably:
a. Are jealous that you have your whole life to live and be successful/wish they could have had a life more like yours

b. Are jealous that you have a youthful body (again, not in any way sexual, you've made that clear enough)

c. They miss you being little

d. They're proud and love you, so they, well, look at you

They probably aren't realllly jealous. One of my friends mom's sort of freaked her and me out, haha, by saying that she loves looking at her kids, seeing their shape, seeing who they are, etc.
It's not sexual or like "I want to molest you in your sleep" or anything, it's just.... they love you, and enjoy seeing the growth of a tiny human being into an adult.
 
zelmo said:
Parents look at their adolescent kids and see two things: [1], a young adult with their whole life and a world of possibilities laid out before them, and [2], a fond but somehow sad memory of the small child you used to be.
....
Click to expand...

yes, what ^ he ^ said.
 
yellow said:
Maybe your real parents were sociopaths and your current parents stole you from them to "save you" and they both notice as you get older how much you look like your biological sociopath parents?

Or aliens.

Or it's that giant zit on your nose.
Click to expand...

Off thread here, but, Yellow, I think your interpretation pretty much the funniest thing I have read for a long time. :) :D Never mind the context, your words all together just cracked me up! Such imagination. Thanks for bringing them to me tonight; brightened up an otherwise average day.
 
Interesting interesting. For the record, I don't think of myself as better than anyone else, good point about my perception of them. iGary, not quite off my rocker, but thanks for the continual support, its been amazing :rolleyes: I was really just wondering, as a future parent, if parents get jealous of their kids.

I also think parents live vicariously though their kids. I love both my parents, always got along well etc, it was just a thought...;)
 
Peyton said:
I also think parents live vicariously though their kids. I love both my parents, always got along well etc, it was just a thought...;)
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I think I know what you mean. I'm sure your parents love you very much, and are very proud of your accomplishments.
My dad looks over at me sometimes, and I'll love over, and it freaks me out a bit, but it's just because he loves me.
It's how I look at my boyfriend....:rolleyes: If I had one. :cool:
 
Not enough information about our experience to comment accurately. What I can offer is some similiar experiences. As a parent and as a child of parents. Sometimes parents are envious of their children. But in most cases (IMO) this is trumped by the HUGE amount of pride and satisfaction received to see a child 'grow up' and advance.

Another experience, that may be similiar to your situation, is when folks don't feel appreciated. I have to say- I owe a lot to my parents and the advantages they worked so hard to offer me. I also feel pleased that I can offer so much to my child. I can not reciprocate all that has been done for me - and do not expect that from my child. But- I want to show some appreciation to my folks, and be appreciated for what I sacrifice for my little one.

Perhaps you can heal this by letting your parents know how much you appreciate all they have offered. Let them know you recognize what has been done for you and how it has helped you become the person you are.
Hope this offers some degree of insight.
 
ibook30 said:
Not enough information about our experience to comment accurately. What I can offer is some similiar experiences. As a parent and as a child of parents. Sometimes parents are envious of their children. But in most cases (IMO) this is trumped by the HUGE amount of pride and satisfaction received to see a child 'grow up' and advance.

Another experience, that may be similiar to your situation, is when folks don't feel appreciated. I have to say- I owe a lot to my parents and the advantages they worked so hard to offer me. I also feel pleased that I can offer so much to my child. I can not reciprocate all that has been done for me - and do not expect that from my child. But- I want to show some appreciation to my folks, and be appreciated for what I sacrifice for my little one.

Perhaps you can heal this by letting your parents know how much you appreciate all they have offered. Let them know you recognize what has been done for you and how it has helped you become the person you are.
Hope this offers some degree of insight.
Click to expand...

actually it does. I like the idea, I really do, but it becomes a little strange to say something so emotional and then go on living my normal life you know? We have a very loving relationship, they are proud, I'm proud, and thankful to them, you're right, I should show it more, but I don't know, being a guy, its just a little harder for me to express that emotion. (note, I'm not saying all guys are like that, its just me I'm referring too.)

I really think it will help moving out. I've rushed through college and lived at home for all of but 1 of the 3 years, this summer I'm moving out so that distance might actually be healthy as well...

thanks again tho
 
I wouldn't be surprised if some parents felt what could be interpreted as jealousy. For instance, my parents had a really rough time growing up; then moved to a foreign country where they could barely speak the dominant language, while pregnant, with no friend or familial or financial support... They carved out a place, worked their behinds off-- and as a result, my sister and I have had an incredibly luxurious and cushy upbringing (especially when compared to how my parents grew up).

In that regard, I do believe that some parents wished they had the same luxuries and opportunities that their children have.

But no, I don't believe that a truly caring parent could ever begrudge a child or be truly jealous of one.
 
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