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Undercover has been no help to me and has proved itself as ineffective.

Having only registered my mac correctly on undercoverhq a full week after the event has probably given the thief a full week with my laptop without it being traced.

Not only that, but when I do have a look on undercoverhq, the last location and date shown is wrong, the last time I was at the location was a week before the date indicated on undercoverhq.
 
From what I have read here and what I have been reminded about the upgrade process, the problem seems to have been caused by user error rather than a problem with Undercover.

If the OP had gone through all the steps when upgrading from Undercover 4 to Undercover 5, he would have had the proper URL for accessing his account and reporting a stolen Mac. Unlike him, I bookmarked the new Undercover portal at that time so it would be available when I need it. I keep that info in 1Password so the data is available even if my primary Mac is stolen.
 
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I bookmarked the page on the mac that was stolen, and did what I thought was the best next thing given the circumstances. I googled it, unfortunately I went to the older undercover ver login and registered my mac stolen on that site.

The mac last location shows 14 days ago, it was taken 11 days ago and I certainly used it in between then, so how come it didn't update?
 
What's preventing a thief walking into apple and asking them to swap out the motherboard or resetting the firmware password?

I Asked this at apple last time i was there. They treat it as an out of warranty repair and can swap the motherboard. So nothing stops them from going in and doing it but they will have to pay 700 or so to do so.
 
I bookmarked the page on the mac that was stolen, and did what I thought was the best next thing given the circumstances. I googled it, unfortunately I went to the older undercover ver login and registered my mac stolen on that site.

The mac last location shows 14 days ago, it was taken 11 days ago and I certainly used it in between then, so how come it didn't update?

I think that this situation was caused by an unfortunate series of errors. It is easy to forget details or retain necessary paperwork like a receipt, contract, etc. when dealing with possible future events e.g. filing an insurance claim, returning an item for a refund or, in this case, keeping the Orbicule contact info and theft notification process straight. The Undercover 5 User Guide, which can be downloaded, has step-by-step setup and registration instructions.

Having burned myself in the past in similar situations, I have become much more diligent in these matters. Moving from paper files in file cabinets to a "paperless" system is making the process a lot easier. (I just used my Fujitsu ScanSnap to convert a Charter Communications contract to a PDF and filed in in my Documents folder. That tiny, fast document scanner is one of my best computer purchases ever.) I keep all my logins, accounts, serial numbers, etc. encrypted in 1Password. All that data is available to me via my Macs and iPhone because the 1Password file is in my Dropbox folder.

As far as your MBP goes, I don't have much hope that its location will be updated. I think that the best chance for that happening was soon after it was stolen.
 
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