1st one, it’s large but not obscenely, under 1gb. I think it’s accurate and reflects things I’ve gotten since I‘ve had this iPhone.Ok, that's great, but you asked for others to help validate this with you, and that's what I'm trying to do.
Can you still go into...
Settings -> General -> iPhone Storage -> Messages -> Photos
... and let us know how large your Photos stored in Messages is? If it's 0, then that rules out a lot of possibilities. If it's large, then that leaves the door open to a lot of possibilities.
Can you then go into...
Settings -> Messages -> Shared With You
...and toggle it on, then off again, give it a few minutes, and see if any of the photos were removed from your Photos library?
2nd one, yes I will within a couple hours and report back, see below.
In the meantime I realized I do have a hard, offline backup of an old iPhone from 2019 that held a lot of old data so I’m combing through that to see if I can accurately identify any deltas. The problem is that I didn’t do a good job back then of cleaning up things. I’m nearly positive there are things I’ve cleaned up in the last 5 years but unless I get an actual discrepancy here I don’t think I can say conclusively my anecdotal report is accurate. I’d rather be wrong than claim there’s a massive issue without cause, so I will do the due diligence and investigate. I’ve also edited my earlier post.
Unfortunately my Mac was on standby and updated the damn photo library. If I had it off I would have a VERY easy way of checking this. Sigh.
None of this takes away from what other people are seeing of course but if all of my settings / configurations are having this occur there’s a critical data handling issue vs. a bad bug. Once I identify (or don’t) a delta, I’ll toggle that setting and see if things change.
And yes, to others, as an end user if it’s happening to you you have every right to be annoyed and frustrated and demand a fix.
I will report back on both things. Thanks for the suggestions.
edit: just in case any reporters read my posts, please do not use my anecdotal experience as evidence until I finish this next round of investigation, I do not endorse that and as I said above I would much rather have been wrong about what I remember deleting or have a sync / merge conflict bug (which is bad, but critically different) than have this be a real mishandling of user data.
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