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Trying to break up with girlfriend of 5 years

S

shenfrey

macrumors 68030
Original poster
May 23, 2010
2,558
825
Hi guys, I have a serious problem here, I have told my ex that I don't want us to be together because It hasn't been working for a long time now and its just time to bite the bullet, unfortunately shes making it so difficult. As much as I tell her I don't wish to see her she comes down anyway only to hear what she doesn't want to hear, starts to cry and then that upsets me! Shes all over me, hugging me kissing my cheek telling me that I am making the wrong decision and saying that its not gonna happen ad we are gonna stay together. Its making me feel really sad and REALLY uncomfortable and I dunno what to do. I don't wanna hurt her any more then I have to and I don't wanna see her because of this, because when she is down here, all she will do is cry when she hears what she doesn't want to hear.

This is hard enough as it is, shes not making it any easier : ( I need some advice guys,

thank you.
 
Well, let me start by saying that you've come to the right place for advice!

1- Do you have Applecare?
2- Keep telling her that it is over, but don't forget to continue with your life. At some point she will get the point.
3- Don't accept invitations for attending TV-shows in the near future. If you do, please let us know so we can watch.
 
Just say im sorry but i have found someone else, then walk right over to the iMac and give it some lovin... then she will think your weird and retarded and there u go sorted :) lol i would do that for the crack haha, but its one of those awkward moments when you just have to grit your teeth and tell them straight. If you dont this will just drag on and on until it really starts building up on you...
 
Simplest and easiest solution :

- Do it with her sister/mom/grandma/any other woman in her family.

You won't ever hear from her again. No seriously, just don't let her in and don't answer when she calls. Basically ignore her. She'll get the message. If you keep seeing her you're keeping her hope alive and you're responsible for her pain.

I went through about the same thing with a GF of 7 years. The day I just walked out and didn't answer her calls/e-mails/see her, she got it (or not, but at least she doesn't bother me with it anymore).
 
You should just stop answering her phone calls, and stop opening the door when she comes over. If you see her and she tries to get close, push her away.

This doesn't help you in your situation, but exactly 3 months ago (19th of February...), my girlfriend and I broke up. Guess how long we had been dating? Yes, 5 years. :eek:

Three months later, and I'm doing OK. The first week was really painful. I was OK if I was talking with friends. They said I seemed normal. However, when I was alone, travelling to work, taking an elevator ride alone, and in other situations where I had time to think, I'd just randomly cry for like 4-5 seconds. Then it'd stop. My 2nd and 3rd week was better, but still bad. After a month, I was much better.


My ex-gf is pretty normal, so we're still able to talk. We're still on very good terms. :) I hope you two can get to this point (if you want it to be like this).
 
Just do what I did. Bring your wife with you and tell her that its time for a split :p

Seriously, she's manipulating your emotions. You need to be firm but not mean and call it quits. If you really feel the relationship has run its course its better for you and her to part ways. Why force something.
 
Ask her over one more time, when she goes to grab you and start crying slice the tendon in her legs. she will drop like a rock leaving you free to flee the scene. there girlfriend problem over :D


Nah but seriously i had a problem similar to this. i ended up having to text her mom and tell her what was going on. i guess they had a talk and she left me alone. although she did do some drive-by's for the next following weeks. i guess to see what i was doing but thankfully she never stopped.
 
Abstract said:
You should just stop answering her phone calls, and stop opening the door when she comes over. If you see her and she tries to get close, push her away.
Click to expand...

This. And if this doesn't work out, a restraining order? "If I can't have you no one can have you."
 
"I see love, I can see passion
I feel danger, I feel obsession
Don't play games with the ones who love you
Cause I hear a voice who says:
I love you... I'll kill you...
...
...
...
Sacrifice turns to revenge and believe me
You'll see the face who'll say:
I love you... I'll kill you...
But I'll love you forever"

-Enigma "The Cross of Changes"

Pretty much sums it up I think :D
 
She sounds a little cray-cray, sorry, but here's my advice as a woman.

Be firm with her next time she comes over. Tell her it's over, you appreciated the time you had together, but you're moving on and so should she. If she starts to cry, don't comfort her, don't hug her. You have to be strong and put your foot down. Gently, but firmly move her off of you. I would also cut off contact via cell phone, facebook, etc. at minimum until she accepts that it's over.

The more you give in when she cries, the harder it's going to be. Good luck.
 
Seems you are enjoying the attention (given you let her in, and sit with her) that she is going all over to try get you back ;)

Just tell her you've found someone else, and that the girl you are seeing now is raging about what she is doing.
 
shenfrey said:
Hi guys, I have a serious problem here, I have told my ex that I don't want us to be together because It hasn't been working for a long time now and its just time to bite the bullet, unfortunately shes making it so difficult. As much as I tell her I don't wish to see her she comes down anyway only to hear what she doesn't want to hear, starts to cry and then that upsets me! Shes all over me, hugging me kissing my cheek telling me that I am making the wrong decision and saying that its not gonna happen ad we are gonna stay together. Its making me feel really sad and REALLY uncomfortable and I dunno what to do. I don't wanna hurt her any more then I have to and I don't wanna see her because of this, because when she is down here, all she will do is cry when she hears what she doesn't want to hear.

This is hard enough as it is, shes not making it any easier : ( I need some advice guys,

thank you.
Click to expand...

Have you tried talking to her and fixing the bad things about the relationship instead of just breaking up with her?
 
KnightWRX said:
Simplest and easiest solution :

- Do it with her sister/mom/grandma/any other woman in her family.

You won't ever hear from her again. No seriously, just don't let her in and don't answer when she calls. Basically ignore her. She'll get the message. If you keep seeing her you're keeping her hope alive and you're responsible for her pain.

I went through about the same thing with a GF of 7 years. The day I just walked out and didn't answer her calls/e-mails/see her, she got it (or not, but at least she doesn't bother me with it anymore).
Click to expand...

Best advice yet. The threesome can back fire as she might just say yes just so she can be with you again (bad idea).
 
rhett7660 said:
Best advice yet. The threesome can back fire as she might just say yes just so she can be with you again (bad idea).
Click to expand...

And then resent you and make your life miserable at every turn using this. "But I agreed to a threesome, you can't dump me now after only XX months! you can't refuse to let me have all my friends over and make noise while you attempt to rest before work!", etc.. etc..

Ignore. Her. The solution is you, not her. Anything you give, discuss, do with this person is just giving them false hope.
 
jdwagner888 said:
Ask her over one more time, when she goes to grab you and start crying slice the tendon in her legs. she will drop like a rock leaving you free to flee the scene. there girlfriend problem over :D

LMAO - I don't know if anyone realizes how much win is in that statement. :D
Click to expand...
 
eawmp1 said:
It not like they are roommates. :p
Click to expand...

Moving-in together to fix the couple is the wrong, VERY wrong thing to do. Just like having a baby to fix the couple ("a cherished project we can both share" she says!).

These add financial problems to the eventual break-up. Best to just break now and save yourself the court costs/financial worries.

I actually did the moving-in thing. Young and dumb I guess. Lasted 4 months. Problems just got worse, not better.
 
Last edited:
KnightWRX said:
Moving-in together to fix the couple is the wrong, VERY wrong thing to do. Just like having a baby to fix the couple ("a cherished project we can both share" she says!).

These add financial problems to the eventual break-up. Best to just break now and save yourself the court costs/financial worries.

I actually did the moving-in thing. Young and dumb I guess. Last 4 months. Problems just got worse, not better.
Click to expand...
Wow, I actually agree with you for once.
 
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