Trying to break up with girlfriend of 5 years

[Bonch]

Sounds like she needs to be tested. It's the only way to know for sure.

 

[AdrianK]

Tell her that you need to meet up (somewhere away from your home) to talk things through, and that for that she should meet you in your local S&M club XD

 

[iowamensan]

Ask her over one more time, when she goes to grab you and start crying slice the tendon in her legs. she will drop like a rock leaving you free to flee the scene. there girlfriend problem over

If he bothers you, I'll take care of him. What you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of his leg right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again, because his weight displacement goes back, all his weight is on his right foot, and he'll push everything off to the right. He'll never come through on anything. He'll quit the game.

 

[Moyank24]

Ask her if she wants to do a threesome with you and your new girlfriend.

Or ask her if she wants to do a threesome with you and your new boyfriend. That might take care of it.

 

[kolax]

Tell her you were in an accident and your penis is beyond repair, and you have to pee through a tube.

 

[Abstract]

While having sex, put it in the wrong hole "by accident".

 

[rdowns]

While having sex, put it in the wrong hole "by accident".

while screaming out some other girl's name.

 

[Adam0306]

If you still have the receipt....return it and say it is not working and has several major flaws.

 

[-aggie-]

while screaming out some other girl's name.

Best answer by far.

 

[Mac'nCheese]

Remember that scene in the color purple when the dude who married oprah winfrey asked whoopie goldberg for advice about how to keep his wife in line? Remember what whoopie said? Do that.

 

[DeepIn2U]

Just say im sorry but i have found someone else, then walk right over to the iMac and give it some lovin... then she will think your weird and retarded and there u go sorted lol i would do that for the crack haha, but its one of those awkward moments when you just have to grit your teeth and tell them straight. If you dont this will just drag on and on until it really starts building up on you...

LMAO! oh man you're wicked.

 

[DeepIn2U]

Simplest and easiest solution :

- Do it with her sister/mom/grandma/any other woman in her family.

You won't ever hear from her again. No seriously, just don't let her in and don't answer when she calls. Basically ignore her. She'll get the message. If you keep seeing her you're keeping her hope alive and you're responsible for her pain.

I went through about the same thing with a GF of 7 years. The day I just walked out and didn't answer her calls/e-mails/see her, she got it (or not, but at least she doesn't bother me with it anymore).

Oh yeah and don't forget to do the Motorboat while you're at it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBtN1i3O4fY

 

[DeepIn2U]

While having sex, put it in the wrong hole "by accident".

while screaming out some other girl's name.

choke, cough!! Double WIN!
Some gals may actually like that.