So right!
The piece has good production value but some aspects did jump out at me (some production wise and some conceptually).
I get the "no trespassing" sign but I don't get the "danger" sign.
Does water really come in deposits? Every time I think of water deposits I think of residue that's left behind after water evaporates. 'Supplies' seems like a better word to me.
I think the shot of her running behind the tree at 0:18 could be cut, just go straight from gravel slide into arcing around the tree. The running behind the tree shot feels like something you'd see in Scooby-Doo where the whole gang piles up behind a lamppost or something. And your actress runs like a girl which is kind of comical but antithesis to the vibe you are trying to set.
Speaking of running, she seems to be doing a lot of running but not a lot of sweating. Misting her w/a small spray bottle of water would be a good, easy way to apply fake sweat.
I think your actress does a good job but in a seemingly dystopian future where one has to break into a high security area to grab a drink why does our heroine look like she just walked out of a shoot for the spring clothing collection? I'm not saying she has to be dressed up like a ninja but, for example, if I'm going to break into some place in the woods I'm not gonna wear a white shirt.
The empty backpack was also distracting. Toss in a couple of phone books to keep it from bouncing around it will add more weight to her movements as well (no pun intended).
I felt the ending was anticlimactic because after that melodramatic build up the pay off is... her filling up one water bottle and taking a drink? I guess I expected her to either bust out a number of water bottles/bladders to fill up or drop something in the lake to poison it. Why take such apparent risk but only have one water bottle on you?
I was also left wanting at least some clue of what was chasing her. Is it the government? A rival faction? What? Something as basic as a CU of someone wearing combat boots and walking menacingly through the woods would suffice.
Color grading to give it a bleaker look would help sell the mood too.
I guess, basically, for me the piece doesn't look or feel nearly dramatic enough to fit the premise. Watching it I don't *feel* like the world has descended into violence and chaos.
Lethal
Lethal, so many of these things were ones that I thought about myself. I'll break a few things down.
1. Danger sign was next to the trespassing sign. Added it for good measure of this being a locked down facility.
2. Running. I kept directing that she needed to Hollywood run, not girly run.
3. Backpack. My god. Good idea with the books. I will do that next time. Thanks.
4. Pretty girl that doesn't sweat. I totally forgot the mister at home and splashing her with water looked horrible. In hind site, I would have smeared her face with some dirt and DEFINATELY gone with dirtier clothes. When she said white shirt, I didn't know it was going to be new. White helped the hero pop from the background, but it should have been off white.
5. The ending.
Oh goodness. This has been the biggest weakness and it needs to be known that the video contest I entered required this. "what does peace and security mean to you?" was the theme.
Admittedly, a quick action sequence of my hero putting down a couple guards coming at her would have been a nice end.
6. One minute video.
Keep in mind, it was limited to one minute. Trying to have a deep, complex concept like post apocalyptic water starved world was hard.
BUT feedback from people leads me to believe that there will be a follow up video, Water Wars.
I do really appreciate the feedback though! I am writing this response to give other people the directors regrets/experience.
