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Wedding Registry Etiquette?

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puma1552

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Original poster
Nov 20, 2008
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So, our situation is slightly different than normal. We didn't have a wedding, but my wife and I are moving to the US in September (where I'm from). When we get home, our family is having a little welcome home/welcome to America reception for us.

I thought it was just that and nothing more, but I've been told to set up wedding registries. About 35 people will be attending, just family and some very close friends.

So, I've looked at the usual suspects for registry gifts, iron/ironing board, taster oven, blender, grille, dishes/silverware, pots/pans, sheets, towels, yadda yadda.

Thing is, we don't have a place to live yet, so some things, like sheets/towels are kind of a bad move IMO because we have no idea where we will be living yet. However, other stuff such as the iron/ironing board, etc. are fine.

So what about big ticket items? Most of our stuff will be cheap basic stuff, but I've got my eye on a nice Sharp Aquos and a BR player to throw on the list. If nothing else, perhaps we can get a discount on it when we don't get it.

So what's proper etiquette in 2011? Certainly am not going to put any crappy china on it we will NEVER use. Would much rather put stuff on there that we will actually use. Seems to be two schools of thought:

1) Only household necessities, no luxuries/wants
2) It's not 1950 anymore, and a TV or other gadget is infinitely more useful/appreciated/enjoyed than some crappy China set

What do you think? If most everything on the list is cheaper, is it OK to put a couple big items on there?

Honestly I'd prefer if everyone just did cash, so much easier but probably not an option.
 
Does the store registry have a place for gift certificates??

If so, post some text on your space, to the effect of what you said here, just the unknown household part. :)
 
How much is the TV and blu-ray player? I would have a difficult time putting a gift on my registry that was several hundred dollars or more. I think about $150-200 would be the limit of my comfort zone. YMMV.
 
I've seen items that run upwards of a grand on registries for both wedding and baby. I say put it. It can't be any worse than those *******s who list thousands of household items that they'd never use or buy on their own. ;) I have a wedding to go to in Ocotober and that registry has most of Crate and Barrel's inventory on it; and people are buying. They're also having three parties to which guests are encouraged to bring gifts.
 
Wedding registries are 1) a socially acceptable form of begging and 2) a corporate answer to increase store traffic. I understand part of the logic behind it; how many waffle irons does a couple really need?

Traditionally speaking, the concept behind wedding gifts was to help the new (and usually young) couple get started with the setting up of their new household. These days, however, couples are getting married later, roughly at age 27. This is 5-6 years later in life than we were doing so 50 years ago. We're also, for the most part, not going directly from our parents' home to the marital home, so we have time to get established.

puma1552 said:
Thing is, we don't have a place to live yet, so some things, like sheets/towels are kind of a bad move IMO because we have no idea where we will be living yet. However, other stuff such as the iron/ironing board, etc. are fine.

So what about big ticket items? Most of our stuff will be cheap basic stuff, but I've got my eye on a nice Sharp Aquos and a BR player to throw on the list. If nothing else, perhaps we can get a discount on it when we don't get it.
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So, bedclothes are bad because you have nowhere to put them, but you would have somewhere to put a new TV and BlueRay player?
 
CorvusCamenarum said:
So, bedclothes are bad because you have nowhere to put them, but you would have somewhere to put a new TV and BlueRay player?
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Yes, their shopping cart.
 

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puma1552 said:
So what's proper etiquette in 2011? Certainly am not going to put any crappy china on it we will NEVER use. Would much rather put stuff on there that we will actually use.
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We tried that. We made our wedding registry contain only items that we actually wanted or needed. We even put a 12-pack of coke on it, because it was always a joke amongst friends how much coke I used to drink.

But, I am from Memphis, Tennessee, and from a "society" family. When you're in old Memphis society, you shop at one place for wedding, birthday, and baby type gifts. The Gift & Art Shop. Simply setting foot in the Gift & Art shop makes me and my wife convulse...it's all fine china, crystal candlesticks, and monogrammed towels (and other stuff like that). We did not register here on purpose. My mom told us we HAD to have fine china :rolleyes:

But it didn't matter...every person from Memphis went to the Gift & Art Shop and we ended up with crystal candlesticks, and ice bucket with watermelon artwork on it, and various silver stuff. We've never used any of it.

Put stuff you want and need from where you want, and hope that people follow. And I agree with a poster above, how is getting sheets and stuff bad because you don't have anywhere to put them, but a TV and BD player are OK?
 
iJohnHenry said:
Gauche.
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I think you meant "Tango".

We registered at a place (The Bay) where you could either take the items that were ordered for you, or take a gift card for the same amount. We ended up gift carding a number of items and getting a more expensive/useful item instead.

We tried to have a good assortment of prices on the registry- from hand towels to expensive appliances. That way, there were many options for people.

However, most of our guests gave us cash at our wedding. I think we got more gifts at our engagement party.
 
No chance in hell I'd put a TV or Blu-Ray player on my wedding registry. That smacks of greed to me.

Regardless of where you end up living, you're likely to need things like sheets, towels, flatware, dishes, etc. Look around at what you have and what you don't. Surely there are some basic household items you could use. If you don't need them, don't ask for them; but I would never put something like a TV on a registry. If someone wants to buy you something that big, they'll ask you what TV they can buy for you.
 
Tomorrow said:
No chance in hell I'd put a TV or Blu-Ray player on my wedding registry. That smacks of greed to me.

Regardless of where you end up living, you're likely to need things like sheets, towels, flatware, dishes, etc. Look around at what you have and what you don't. Surely there are some basic household items you could use. If you don't need them, don't ask for them; but I would never put something like a TV on a registry. If someone wants to buy you something that big, they'll ask you what TV they can buy for you.
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There's really nothing wrong with it, as long as there are plenty of more reasonable items on the list as well. However, if all or most of the items are expensive, I agree, it's greedy. We had a couple of pricier items on our registry just for the hell of it. Basically, we structured it like this: mostly moderately priced items, then inexpensive items, then a couple of pricier items. This is how the person working at the registry suggested we structured it.

anjinha said:
Why are sheets and towels a bad move?
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They aren't. I put stuff like that on our registry, and people bought them for us. Some people even used them as a filler- they wanted to spend a certain amount, so they added the towels to what they bought (for example, they wanted to spend $100, but the gift they chose was $80, so they added a some towels or other small items in order to get to their magic number).

We preferred receiving cash.:D
 
I wouldn't ask for cash, seems a little off to me, can't really explain it. However, I see no problem in asking for gift vouchers, you could pick a department store with a good range of products.
 
iStudentUK said:
I wouldn't ask for cash, seems a little off to me, can't really explain it. However, I see no problem in asking for gift vouchers, you could pick a department store with a good range of products.
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We didn't ask for cash. In our culture, it's the typical gift that is given/received at weddings. It is more unusual to receive actual gifts.

/wasn't sure if you were addressing me with that comment or not :eek:
 
If a store that has registry sells what you want - the tv/player - by all means put it on the list. No one will buy it for you outright (probably) but you will be doing a good service to those who might not be able to afford anything you pick out or get to the store too late and all the other affordable stuff was bought. They can get you a gift card to that store and put on the card: for your new tv. Kind of like cash since they give exactly what they want, and you buy exactly what you want but still kind of like a gift. win/win
 
You NEVER ****ing ask for CASH!!! That is such ****BAD**** etiquette, dear God! My husband and I asked for NORMAL ****ing house things! Not TVs and that ********!


I...I can't continue with this. Congrats on getting married.
 
Surely said:
We didn't ask for cash. In our culture, it's the typical gift that is given/received at weddings. It is more unusual to receive actual gifts.

/wasn't sure if you were addressing me with that comment or not :eek:
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You can't be serious!

But bad jokes aside, in the New York Area, people tend to give the gifts on the registry at the bridal shower and cash at the wedding. When I went to PA, we were the only ones who gave cash at the wedding, everyone else brought presents.
 
Surely said:
We didn't ask for cash. In our culture, it's the typical gift that is given/received at weddings. It is more unusual to receive actual gifts.

/wasn't sure if you were addressing me with that comment or not :eek:
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No I wasn't. I guessed from your post you didn't ask for cash, but I'm sure you would be happy to receive it- I know I would be! This seems terribly English actually- don't ask for what you really want despite everyone knowing!

I'm getting married next year (alas, my user name is becoming more and more stretched!) and we have been living together for a while so don't need much domestic stuff. So we plan to ask for honeymoon contributions for specific things- like an evening meal, scuba lesson, champagne on arrival etc.
 
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Mac'nCheese said:
You can't be serious!

But bad jokes aside, in the New York Area, people tend to give the gifts on the registry at the bridal shower and cash at the wedding. When I went to PA, we were the only ones who gave cash at the wedding, everyone else brought presents.
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This; I guess it's a New York thing. I haven't been to a ton of weddings(maybe 20?), but all those that I have I haven't seen gifts, just the groom being handed cash size envelopes. It's not like you ask for cash, it's understood.
 
What I was getting at with the sheets vs. TV thing is that a TV will be the same wherever you live and be completely independent of your living space. Sheets and towels, etc. are much more dependent on interior decor themes, and it's hard to choose colors/styles when you don't yet know where you'll live or what kinds of interior themes/color palettes will or won't work. We would rather get that stuff ourselves after we decide on a place and see what we have to work with interior-design wise.

I'd much prefer cash, as 30,000 yen ($350) is the standard wedding gift here, and MUCH easier for everyone involved.

So far the only big ticket item we put on it is a $235 rice cooker, which is super important to the wife (same brand she has here and is used EVERYDAY). Everything else is sub-$50 so far.
 
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