After nine hours of tossing and turning, looking at the clock every hour or so as I'd gain some level of consciousness from what can be loosely defined as "sleep," disappointed that I would be tired and groggy all day, I decided to log on to the internet, check what's new in the world, and allow myself to wake up. I even drank a cup of coffee, to no avail.
Deciding I've had enough of being in this half-awake, half-dead stupor, I took a shower, got dressed, and left for work. Traffic made the twenty minute trip last for forty-five, and the radio only played depressing songs. Arriving in my office, I was called into my bosses office, receiving word that I would be terminated to return by the end of the week.
While packing up my belongings and crying to myself, I decided to check MacRumors one last time. With depressing 80's music playing through my iTunes, I stumbled upon a thread, "Well after 3 years of waiting..."
I wanted to thank you OP, as your incredibly interesting story not only completely cured my bouts of depression, but immediately after reading it, my boss returned and offered me a promotion. Also, Boeing called me and gave me a free private jet, so I no longer have to wait in traffic.
The bed and non sleeping issue would have been resolved (I even saw the guys from Extreme Home Makeover pull up around the side of my house), but then as I continued to read I noticed you had ordered the 16GB iPhone 4. See, while this is a novel attempt at capturing the true essence of what Apple wants you to have, the fact of the matter is, there is no way you can download all of your $9.99 HD movies on iTunes with that puny amount of space. And with that, the excitement I felt when you finally pressed that order button, and wrote down your fathers social security number in an insecure web page where it is currently being circulated in a Nigerian network of scammers, slowly dwindled away.
Enjoy your iPhone!!!!!!!!! I know I will. What?