When I was very young, almost before memory, I watched an animated movie about an aquatic boy and a fire girl that, years later, I found out was like Romeo and Juliet. For years and years I would dream about that, and the feelings of love and loss were so real that I would wake up with tears running down my face, feeling so sad. I never found out what movie it was.
When I was 10 or so, I swam competitively, and found my total affinity for being in water. I could hold my breath for a long time, and swim down to the bottom of the dive tank. I would feel so at peace down there, and so free, like every movement was flight. I wished I could somehow live in the deep. When my parents got a hot tub, at night I used to curl up, under the water, at the bottom, and dream. Luckily I never drowned.
When I was a bit older, I was in martial arts. I would fantasise about ways that I would heroically die, saving many people, from some bad guys. Bank robbers, terrorists, whatever. The borders between fantasies and nightmares blurred when for years I would have nightmares about having to fight some unstoppable enemy. Typically is would be totally invincible, and a single strike from it would be fatal, like poison, or something that would take me over and make me one of them. I would have to neverendingly fight it, always one instant away from defeat. I would wake up so tired in the morning.
When I was a little boy, I was convinced that I had some super power, that I had yet to discover. I'm still searching
