Yesterday I joined my friend's wedding. I have to say the maid of honor is more beautiful than the bride. Out of courtesy, I still said to the bride "Wow, you are absolutely the most beautiful lady today. Congratulations!" Am I disingenuous? What could I say to make it better? Do you ever have similar experience?
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What can I say in this occasion?
- Thread starter Eyden
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Thank you for the loverly gift. You shouldn't have!
Or
Oh it was nothing, it was the least I could do!
Two of my favourites.
Or
Oh it was nothing, it was the least I could do!
Two of my favourites.
What he said and just say congratulations. No one will remember unless you said she's the ugliest that day.
Why do you feel this dying need to embellish on a compliment? If you feel the need to say anything to the bride then keep it simple, as it was said. Certainly comparing the maid of honor to the bride is likely going to make you look like a douche. Just tell the bride she looks beautiful and go hit the maid of honor. 
Good manners dictate that one compliment the bride, just as you did.
Is it disingenuous? Sometimes good manners require a less than totally truthful statement. That kind of small lie meets the requirement that one do everything in their power to make someone else feel good in a formal social situation.
That kind of small lie causes no harm.
Is it disingenuous? Sometimes good manners require a less than totally truthful statement. That kind of small lie meets the requirement that one do everything in their power to make someone else feel good in a formal social situation.
That kind of small lie causes no harm.
Well, no, you really don't have to.
It's disingenuous if you don't mean it.
A simple, "Wow, you look lovely. Congratulations." would have been just fine. Unless you really felt she looked terrible. And if that's the case, it's probably best if you don't mention it.
It's not like this is unusual. If the bride was required to be the most beautiful person in a room, then unattractive people could never get married. This is all very silly.
Agreed. Feel free to add, "I'm so happy for you." "I wish you a happy and wonderful future together."
As others have said, compliment, don't compare. Complimenting a bride on her appearance at her wedding might be the one and only situational exception to my rule of never commenting (positive or negative) on a woman's appearance if she is present. The one and only exception: my wife (always positive!).
Good manners dictate that one compliment the bride, just as you did.
Is it disingenuous? Sometimes good manners require a less than totally truthful statement. That kind of small lie meets the requirement that one do everything in their power to make someone else feel good in a formal social situation.
That kind of small lie causes no harm.
I agree with you.
It is good manners, and gracious compliments make people - especially the bride - at a social function such as a wedding - feel better.
To the (rhetorical) question 'what can I say'? Well, you can say something gracious, elegant, positive, pleasant and uplifting? Several other posters have offered exceedingly good examples - the old 'you look lovely' always works, as does wishing the happy couple a wonderful and happy future together.
Very good post.
Not really, if the OP is going trough that tedious, overly literal and occasionally witless phase of torturing himself (and others) with The Truth that some clever (and invariably intolerant) late teenagers/early twenties types tend to wallow in. (Trust me; I know that place, I spent some time there, myself, Back In The Day....).
This is a world where anything (appearance, conduct, ability, professional expertise) that is in flagrant violation of an Eternal and Evident Truth (one which is self-evident to the Truth Teller, at any rate) must be pointed out to others (howsoever unwelcome such a message may be). The compulsion to announce Uncomfortable Truths can over-ride many other considerations, and the requirements imposed by social etiquette are often viewed as an apprenticeship in adult hypocrisies.
It is also a world where the irked reception accorded to such messages can be dismissed as Not Wishing To Face Up To Facts, while those who engage in the effortless dispensing of apparently easy, not to mention suave, compliments are described as Horrible Hypocrites with a disturbing gift for glib mendacity.
Worse still, is the acceptance and delight with which these - doubtless lacking veracity - compliments are received by the recipients, while those who worship at the Shrine of the Demanding Divinity of Veracity glower in the distance, scowling at the superficial idiocy of it all.........
So, one moral of this tale is that Telling It As It Is, is not, perhaps surprisingly, always that well received, especially by those to whom such a message may be transmitted with the sort of earnest fervour that usually accompanies the (late teenaged) act of transmission.
Another moral to this tale is that sometimes, if one cannot say anything pleasant (and sound as though one means it) it is better to say nothing at all. However, there are some occasions where the necessity for manners trumps that of the requirement to acknowledge a truth, and weddings strike me as one of those occasions. People want to feel good, and to be told they are looking well. Weddings are functions where one should stroke the ego, - especially that of the bride and groom - not deflate it with inconvenient truths.....
Indeed, I would go so far as to say that even those who live a lie in every minute of the rest of their waking lives do not merit being told such a thing on their wedding day.
I can't disagree with you here. I suppose my bafflement derives from the apparent need to make invidious comparisons, combined with the societal pressure to heap profuse praise on the bride, and the ensuing dilemma this created for the OP. However, if the OP has the mindset you propose, I can easily see why the dilemma would not trivially pass.
I always like to search the internet before responding to a thread here sometimes...http://forums.macnn.com/89/macnn-lounge/503802/wedding-experience/last-post/
http://forums.macnn.com/89/macnn-lounge/503802/wedding-experience/last-post/
That's odd... Wait... I just felt a great disturbance in the Force...