What can I say in this occasion?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Eyden, Sep 8, 2013.

  1. Eyden macrumors member

    Sep 8, 2013
    Yesterday I joined my friend's wedding. I have to say the maid of honor is more beautiful than the bride. Out of courtesy, I still said to the bride "Wow, you are absolutely the most beautiful lady today. Congratulations!" Am I disingenuous? What could I say to make it better? Do you ever have similar experience?
  2. Apple fanboy macrumors Penryn

    Apple fanboy

    Feb 21, 2012
    Behind the Lens, UK
    Thank you for the loverly gift. You shouldn't have!
    Oh it was nothing, it was the least I could do!
    Two of my favourites.
  3. maflynn Moderator


    Staff Member

    May 3, 2009
    Why not say you look beautiful and no need to make any sort of comparisons? Its really not a big deal, I doubt very much on such a busy and active day the bride will even remember what you said.
  4. heehee macrumors 68020


    Jul 31, 2006
    Same country as Santa Claus
    What he said and just say congratulations. No one will remember unless you said she's the ugliest that day.
  5. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem


    Feb 19, 2005
    Why do you feel this dying need to embellish on a compliment? If you feel the need to say anything to the bride then keep it simple, as it was said. Certainly comparing the maid of honor to the bride is likely going to make you look like a douche. Just tell the bride she looks beautiful and go hit the maid of honor. :D
  6. Shrink macrumors G3


    Feb 26, 2011
    New England, USA
    Good manners dictate that one compliment the bride, just as you did.

    Is it disingenuous? Sometimes good manners require a less than totally truthful statement. That kind of small lie meets the requirement that one do everything in their power to make someone else feel good in a formal social situation.

    That kind of small lie causes no harm.:D
  7. Tomorrow macrumors 604


    Mar 2, 2008
    Always a day away
    Well, no, you really don't have to.

    It's disingenuous if you don't mean it.

    A simple, "Wow, you look lovely. Congratulations." would have been just fine. Unless you really felt she looked terrible. And if that's the case, it's probably best if you don't mention it.
  8. mobilehaathi macrumors G3


    Aug 19, 2008
    The Anthropocene
    Seems like an awfully trivial thing to torture yourself over...
  9. samiwas macrumors 68000

    Aug 26, 2006
    Atlanta, GA
    It's not like this is unusual. If the bride was required to be the most beautiful person in a room, then unattractive people could never get married. This is all very silly.
  10. ucfgrad93 macrumors P6


    Aug 17, 2007
    Agreed. Feel free to add, "I'm so happy for you." "I wish you a happy and wonderful future together."
  11. Gregg2 macrumors 603

    May 22, 2008
    Milwaukee, WI
    As others have said, compliment, don't compare. Complimenting a bride on her appearance at her wedding might be the one and only situational exception to my rule of never commenting (positive or negative) on a woman's appearance if she is present. The one and only exception: my wife (always positive!). :D
  12. Scepticalscribe Contributor


    Jul 29, 2008
    The Far Horizon
    I agree with you.

    It is good manners, and gracious compliments make people - especially the bride - at a social function such as a wedding - feel better.

    To the (rhetorical) question 'what can I say'? Well, you can say something gracious, elegant, positive, pleasant and uplifting? Several other posters have offered exceedingly good examples - the old 'you look lovely' always works, as does wishing the happy couple a wonderful and happy future together.

    Very good post.

    Not really, if the OP is going trough that tedious, overly literal and occasionally witless phase of torturing himself (and others) with The Truth that some clever (and invariably intolerant) late teenagers/early twenties types tend to wallow in. (Trust me; I know that place, I spent some time there, myself, Back In The Day....).

    This is a world where anything (appearance, conduct, ability, professional expertise) that is in flagrant violation of an Eternal and Evident Truth (one which is self-evident to the Truth Teller, at any rate) must be pointed out to others (howsoever unwelcome such a message may be). The compulsion to announce Uncomfortable Truths can over-ride many other considerations, and the requirements imposed by social etiquette are often viewed as an apprenticeship in adult hypocrisies.

    It is also a world where the irked reception accorded to such messages can be dismissed as Not Wishing To Face Up To Facts, while those who engage in the effortless dispensing of apparently easy, not to mention suave, compliments are described as Horrible Hypocrites with a disturbing gift for glib mendacity.

    Worse still, is the acceptance and delight with which these - doubtless lacking veracity - compliments are received by the recipients, while those who worship at the Shrine of the Demanding Divinity of Veracity glower in the distance, scowling at the superficial idiocy of it all.........

    So, one moral of this tale is that Telling It As It Is, is not, perhaps surprisingly, always that well received, especially by those to whom such a message may be transmitted with the sort of earnest fervour that usually accompanies the (late teenaged) act of transmission.

    Another moral to this tale is that sometimes, if one cannot say anything pleasant (and sound as though one means it) it is better to say nothing at all. However, there are some occasions where the necessity for manners trumps that of the requirement to acknowledge a truth, and weddings strike me as one of those occasions. People want to feel good, and to be told they are looking well. Weddings are functions where one should stroke the ego, - especially that of the bride and groom - not deflate it with inconvenient truths.....

    Indeed, I would go so far as to say that even those who live a lie in every minute of the rest of their waking lives do not merit being told such a thing on their wedding day.
  13. mobilehaathi macrumors G3


    Aug 19, 2008
    The Anthropocene
    I can't disagree with you here. I suppose my bafflement derives from the apparent need to make invidious comparisons, combined with the societal pressure to heap profuse praise on the bride, and the ensuing dilemma this created for the OP. However, if the OP has the mindset you propose, I can easily see why the dilemma would not trivially pass.
  14. Jessica Lares macrumors G3

    Jessica Lares

    Oct 31, 2009
    Near Dallas, Texas, USA
  15. localoid macrumors 68020


    Feb 20, 2007
    America's Third World

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