What do I say, do?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Done-on-a-Mac, Oct 26, 2008.

  1. Done-on-a-Mac macrumors member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2006
    #1
    How do I tell someone that I love them? Even if you know they could never love you back the same way? Do I risk losing the closeness & friendship I already have with them?

    I don't want to cause her pain. We are very close, but she does have someone else in her life right now. We communicate well & we know each others darkest secrets & sins.

    My feelings didn't start out like this but after a year I have fallen in love. I really can't lose another friend as I have lost too many in the past few years.

    I don't have anyone else that I can talk to about this.
     
  2. thomahawk macrumors 6502a

    thomahawk

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2008
    Location:
    Osaka, Japan
    #2
    let me give you a word of advice my friends have done

    high school is not a place for love
    college... maybe soo

    but if you really like this person then just ask her. and if shes rejects you then shes really not the one for you. but then of course you have to build the relationship up

    i say get to know so well to the point that you two can do almsot whatever you want to each other and stuff and enjoy each others company no matter what
     
  3. bassproguy07 macrumors 6502a

    bassproguy07

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    #3
    don't say anything, wait till you have a chance to date her to tell if u love her, be ause sometimes things don't work out between friends whenit cones to love trust me...
     
  4. Melrose macrumors 604

    Melrose

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    Dec 12, 2007
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    Elsewhere
    #4
    Never rush into anything - she'll either think you're whacked or you'll be unprepared.

    Give her sometime, especially if she's with someone else.
     
  5. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    #5
    I say don't do anything right now, particularly if you like the guy she's dating. Sometimes other people have something you want. That's life. Instead of just admiring what someone else has, find your own. Either that, or steal her away from him. I don't like the latter, but some people choose to try it.
     
  6. Done-on-a-Mac thread starter macrumors member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2006
    #6
    Thanks for the replies...

    I did tell her. She said that we are still going to remain close friends no matter what but she needs to think. I told her that whatever her decision I will not not be upset, mad, hateful, or resent her in any way. I said she couldn't break my heart. Yes, I will be sad/depressed, but I will always love her. I can guess with great probability that she can't(not "won't", but "can't") Love me the same way in return. That has nothing to do with her current boyfriend but for reasons I can't say.

    I can't elaborate anymore because it would not be right for me to post it on the internet. So thank you for your time & help.
     
  7. taylorwilsdon macrumors 68000

    taylorwilsdon

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    Nov 16, 2006
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    Bay Area
    #7
    Sounds like the plot of many a stupid movie. You'll grow out of it (or if not, you'll find her again when you're 30-something and live happily every after).

    I believe the phrase "friend zone" would be appropriate. I see that you've told her, so now you know, but I coulda told you that an hour ago.

    Or hey, bang her. That would probably solve things once and for all.
     
  8. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    #8
    Oh goodness...... :rolleyes:


    You'll grow out of it. When you're 50 years old and married, you won't love this girl if you haven't kept in touch between now and that time. It will only be a fuzzy, but fond, memory of your youth. Besides, there would be so many good and bad things in your life at the time that you probably won't have any strong feelings for anything other than for things that are currently in your life at the time, or perhaps something you've had for, say, a few decades.
     
  9. Counterfit macrumors G3

    Counterfit

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    #9
    Send her your ear.






    Literally.








    You think I'm joking? :mad:
     
  10. Mord macrumors G4

    Mord

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    UK
  11. Sesshi macrumors G3

    Sesshi

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    #11
    I hope it turns out well.

    You could however start practicing Whitney's "I Will Always Love You" to belt out if you get the push-off :p
     
  12. Done-on-a-Mac thread starter macrumors member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2006
    #12
    Yes, I know it sounds pathetic. It is just someone like this doesn't come along in life all that often. To be so close & to let her go by.


    Funny we even talked about the different zones: intimate, family, friends, acquaintances, & strangers. I was at the edge of the intimate/family zone before we talked. I'm now at the family/friends zones. I hate myself for that now. She did say she was glad though that I told her now instead of not saying a word to her or telling her months/years down the road. She said she either wouldn't have believed me or would have been extremely mad. I just hope that everything she said wasn't to keep from making me feel worse that I already am.

    Banging her etc, wouldn't work because.....

    .....I actually never lusted after her. Though I had seen her naked before I looked away. Call me stupid or call me a gentleman. Yes, we we're that close that she felt comfortable being naked around me. We even slept together in the same bed(clothed). I never took it to a physical level because I wanted to show that I didn't see her as a sex object. Now don't get me wrong, she is a VERY beautiful young woman, but my reasons for wanting her were more than just her body. I told her this, & she was thankful that I mentioned it to her because that thought had crossed her mind that I had developed feelings from when she was nude in front of me.


    Very tempting. I really need something like that right now to help move beyond this. If only I didn't live in a small town with a university that has one of the highest STD rates in the state, I might be tempted to find someone. I hate looking at internet porn because it can become very addicting & "porn creep" is something I wish to avoid later in life.


    Chopping off an ear would show something, but not the something that she would find lovingly. More along the lines of weirdo, crazy, psychotic, unstable etc.. you get the idea. Yeah, that stuff isn't something I know would turn her on. Still it's an idea though!


    We have talked about this & we are going to remain close. Though I know some trust has been lost, we are not as close anymore(sleeping in the same bed or being naked), & I know she will be wondering if I am saying or doing something that has a deeper meaning behind it.

    In fact I told her that I won't be seeing her till Thanksgiving because I want to move beyond this. We will call, text, facebook, email, snail mail etc... but no "being there". She has agreed to help me. Yeah it's strange but I see it as building back what I have destroyed & maybe becoming better, closer friends because of it. It will take awhile(her words) to move beyond it but I am hopeful that we can remain close. Even if that is a false hope that is the only thing I have left to look forward too. As I have said before I have lost all my other close friends. I can't lose another.
     
  13. Mord macrumors G4

    Mord

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2003
    Location:
    UK
    #13
    Perhaps consider having safe sex? If you wish to decrease your pr0n consumption perhaps learn to use your imagination and find out exactly what your kinks are.

    I don't think porn is particularly unhealthy, hell I look at a fair amount myself though primarily for ideas (think more kinky stuff), just let it augment your imagination rather than replace it.
     
  14. Done-on-a-Mac thread starter macrumors member

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    Apr 1, 2006
    #14
    Well, I don't hate it in the sense that you can apply it in real life situations, but I was so addicted to it that it ran my life day in & day out for the past 12 years. When I finally met someone years ago(I'm 26 now), I was ashamed because I had "done it" too much with internet porn. It didn't ruin my relationship but it did give me a difficult time when with my (ex)girlfriend. I have been able to control myself of porn for 6 months now. I look, but don't touch.

    I do believe that if porn is controlled it can make you become better partner. Right now I just need something to get my heart out of this predicament. Be it *** or just talking it out with a total stranger. That is why I am here asking for advise & ideas. The one person I could talk to is the one person that I DID talk too.

    I have found out what I like in my internet travels so that is a good idea if I could apply it. I would like to find a way to get beyond this & *** is one of them. Safe-sex isn't always safe & the thought of getting an incurable disease that will shorten your life & cause you miss out on future "opportunities" is a big risk that I don't think I can take. With a Bible-belt town population of ~20 thousand (mainly older people) & the university itself is ~11 - 14 thousand, finding someone will be hard. The good news is the girl:guy ratio is roughly 4:1. The bad news is we still have one of the highest STD rates in the state. I have few friends right now, & getting something that would cause people to avoid me would kill me.
     
  15. chilipie macrumors 6502a

    chilipie

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    Englandshire
    #15
    I'd just like to thank you for the best laugh I've had today :D (well, the 54 minutes of it I've had so far).
     
  16. djamel macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2008
    #16
    Remain as a friend to her even if the feelings are still there. Give her time and space to figure what to do with your friendship, your shoulder will be needed if she comes to you crying or looking gloomy anytime. ;)
     
  17. Counterfit macrumors G3

    Counterfit

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    #17
    Reference! (I hope you have Flip4Mac installed)
     
  18. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    #18
    It's funny that you talked about it, because you're in the friend zone.

    And there's no "Family zone" between friendship and dating. No idea what that even means. You're just the friend. You're not more than that.


    She thinks you're gay, asexual, or perhaps just not that attracted to her. And what does her boyfriend think about this --- sleeping in the same bed, and changing in front of you? Even if he's not the jealous type, I think it would still be rather odd.

    Perhaps the best thing for you to do is to put your penis into your box of condoms. It's not like you'll need either of those things for awhile.

    It's funny that guys try to "be a gentleman" by looking away when she took off her clothes, and all this to show her that you don't want her only for her body. Looking away is good, but if you had checked her out for a half-second longer, just long enough for her to notice that you did give her a quick look up and down, you would have been better off.

    It also wouldn't have meant that you only like her for her body. Showing interest in her looks doesn't make you an ill-suited boyfriend. I don't know anybody who would make that conclusion except really naive men, because lets face it, she doesn't share the same opinion. If she did, she wouldn't have stripped in front of you.

    You didn't look at her naked. In fact, you quickly looked away!! And that makes you good boyfriend material? :confused: Way to make a girl feel attractive. You don't think she'd rather go out with someone who finds her irresistibly attractive? :confused: Girls, like guys, feel good when they know that someone finds them cute, sexy, beautiful, etc.

    "Thank you, my eunuch friend."


    So you want to date her, but you don't want to say anything that would give her the impression that you really really, desperately want her, nor are you willing to do anything that would make her know that you find her attractive. :rolleyes:

    Were you waiting for your yellow Chevy Camaro to transform into a robot, and for this girl to somehow, mysteriously, fall in love with you just for existing?


    :(
     
  19. Unspeaked macrumors 68020

    Unspeaked

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    Dec 29, 2003
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    West Coast
    #19
    Can I just say this thread freaks me out a little..?
     
  20. chilipie macrumors 6502a

    chilipie

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    May 8, 2006
    Location:
    Englandshire
    #20
    It does worry me a little how open people can be to complete strangers... I dunno, sometimes it's just good to get things off ya chest I guess.
     

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