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What Do You Do When A Friend Does a 180?

xfiftyfour

xfiftyfour

macrumors 68030
Original poster
Apr 14, 2006
2,573
0
Clemson, SC
So, things got complicated between a friend and I (you know how it goes), and then he decided we should cool it and just be friends. I completely saw where he was coming from, and although I was admittedly a little bummed, I figured oh well, the friendship is worth more than pursuing something impossible.

But.. now his attitude has gone a complete 180. He's no longer the sweet, easy-to-get-along-with guy I knew (just 24 hours ago!). Instead, he's pretty.. well.. snotty (to be polite).

Anyways...I'm just not sure what to do, ya know? Give him space? Try to talk it out? Pretend I can't tell a difference? Forget about him completely?

What would YOU do?
 
I would give him space until he feels comfortable enough to approach you first.
 
xfiftyfour said:
Anyways...I'm just not sure what to do, ya know? Give him space? Try to talk it out? Pretend I can't tell a difference? Forget about him completely?

What would YOU do?
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EDIT: Ignore my post. I didn't realized what you meant.
 
Roco said:
If it was something I know that would surely past with time (1-2 weeks) I would make as if I never saw any difference.

I'm supposing you are a guy also, if not, not very sure what would be the best advice.

If you are a guy, you could invite him a beer and talk things out and see if you can help him somehow, maybe he is in need of help.

But do not forget him completely, not if he is your friend. Friends are there to help each other when in need.:)
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I don't think you understood my hint of "complicated".

At any rate.. I am a girl.. and he is a guy..... hope that clears things up. ;)
 
coming from a girl, trust me give him space. that is it. leave him alone. however he acted before, forget it! if he's being an a**, you don't need to deal with that. the more u push for a friendship with him, it could come off looking crazy. i hope everything works out for you!:)
 
furious said:
Guys are thick. Tell him straight up how you feel, what you want from him etc.
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I've tried. Unfortunately, he just denies that he's changed at all...Or he says "you're just being overly sensitive" "I'm just being sarcastic" "this is how I treat all my friends."

:rolleyes:
 
xfiftyfour said:
I don't think you understood my hint of "complicated".

At any rate.. I am a girl.. and he is a guy..... hope that clears things up. ;)
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That does clear things up, at first I was goin to say, you sound like a girl :D

xfiftyfour said:
I've tried. Unfortunately, he just denies that he's changed at all...Or he says "you're just being overly sensitive" "I'm just being sarcastic" "this is how I treat all my friends."

:rolleyes:
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Well, if you don't like the way he treats you then move on, there are plenty friends to be made in the world.
 
xfiftyfour said:
I've tried. Unfortunately, he just denies that he's changed at all...Or he says "you're just being overly sensitive" "I'm just being sarcastic" "this is how I treat all my friends."

:rolleyes:
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If this is the way he treats all his friends, he must not have many. Cut your losses and move on, you can do better. He'll get the picture, believe me.
 
xfiftyfour said:
But.. now his attitude has gone a complete 180. He's no longer the sweet, easy-to-get-along-with guy I knew (just 24 hours ago!). Instead, he's pretty.. well.. snotty (to be polite).
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He doesn't like you "that way". He freaked out when you started showing more than a "just friends" interest in him, and he believes that the best way to discourage any further romantic notions that you might have is to treat you badly.

Yes, it is immature that men act this way, and I'm not excusing his behavior. I'm just saying that this is how I read it based on what you've told us. It's best for you to move on, and find some nice guy who is into you.
 
xfiftyfour said:
I've tried. Unfortunately, he just denies that he's changed at all...Or he says "you're just being overly sensitive" "I'm just being sarcastic" "this is how I treat all my friends."

:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
Is it possible you are just being overly sensitive? His normal behaviour suddenly taking on new meaning to you?
 
What I think is going on here is one of two things. First is that you may have just become "more sensative," meaning that you now read deeper into his actions because of the changed situation.

However if he really did change, he could have done so for several reasaons. The most probable is that he feels bad about doing a 180 on you. I know that when I break up with girls, I feel bad and embarassed because I hurt them. Just because I don't want to date them anymore dosen't mean I want to hurt them, and my solution to that (maybe in "******* guy fasion") is to distance myself from her and to act rude to try and give her a reason to dislike me so she dosen't feel as bad. Writing it down it really does seem the ******* thing to do, but it made sense at the time!

I'm not sure about the physical side of things in this relationship, but if it went beyond anything platonic friends do, I don't think its really possible to go back. I was best friends with a girl for an entire year, and at the end of the year, right after I broke up with my girlfriend, we hooked up. Neither one of us really knew what to make of it and we drifted apart as friends, to the point where just 3 years later I have only seen her four or five times. I hate to be a downer but if you guys did get physical it is going to be even more difficult to just "go back to normal."

Relationships are irritatingly difficult. All I can say is good luck!
 
two questions:

how long were you 'not just friends' before you were 'just friends' ?

[not prying] was there a specific event that sparked the new attitude?


i am not sympathizing with the man side, but i've just recently been in situation which [eek] was similar to his side.
 
Sometime guys are just stupid. We overreact, we mask our emotions, we're just weird. I think Felldownthewell was on the right track though. Maybe he took the jackass approach and figured it might be better if he distanced himself by being more of a jerk than he probably his, or at least putting on that face, trying...blindly and stupidly sometimes...to make it easier for both parties.

And based on your "pursuing something impossible", maybe he's trying to break that link because it might have been something he really wanted, but realized it's "impossibility", just found it easier to forget the whole thing all together and cut those ties rather than redirect the kind of relationship he already had. I know I've been there and done stupid stuff like that. In either case, I hope it works out for ya. Give the guy some time, be patient with him...we usually come around.
 
Hear ye all women!

This is my first forray into a forum of any kind ever. I saw the post of this woman on this thread as I was checking out the latest MAC RUMORS because I am waiting to buy a new Mac Book Pro, and I grew sympathetic. I apologize if this is somewhat long.

I am a male and about to release a relationship secret and a simple rule that many men follow, even if they don't know or won't admit it. Since I am married now and the marriage rules change the game a bit, I don't mind sharing. This secret is to be treated with care as it can lead to a lot of sex if you are not careful. Ready?

"The person with the least amount of interest in the relationship has the most control."

This can be applied to EVERY relationship (EXCEPT THE IRS):

Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Brother/Sister
Worker/Coworker

Think about it a minute... If, as in this situation, guy says, "You know I think we should be just friends." If the girl says, "Ok" then he has exerted his lack of interest in the relationship into a position of control. Girl subsequently calls him all the time and he only returns the calls once in a while to maintain the control. In a moment of weakness they have sex when they are hanging out as "friends" one night. The next day he has the define the relationship talk and says we are still "friends" right? Girls says yes and the guy is free to maintain other "friends" and only calls when he wants to... the brutal cycle continues and the girl realizes a year later that she is a victim and is getting strung along and cries on the shoulder of another guy who subsequently has sex with her and the cycle perputates itself again... SAD!

Now, change the facts slightly... When guy suggests, "We should be friends" and girl says, "Exactly." Guy taken back by the excitement in the girl, realizes he may not have the control he thought he did. Girl not only doesn't call, she goes out hangs with other guys. Guy doesn't get calls and realizes his "play" to just be friends didn't work out and looks to reconcile. Girl is then in a position to decide what she wants and when she wants it.

Look, I know this is scenario WAY over simplified and does not take feelings into account. You must realize that many men, myself included, are logic based and not feelings based and this is just how simple it is to US. I know that some will argue that there are exceptions (besides the IRS)... they are only trying to lead you into unclear waters. The principle is tried and true. Some men will not acknowledge that their brain works this simply but it does.

This maxim is the reason you see UGLY GUYS WITH BEAUTIFUL GIRLS... like my wife with me!
 
diggity said:
This is my first forray into a forum of any kind ever. I saw the post of this woman on ....

This maxim is the reason you see UGLY GUYS WITH BEAUTIFUL GIRLS... like my wife with me!
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Your response sounds really immature... Maybe I haven't had enough experience :rolleyes:
 
Best of Luck

furious said:
I can see what he is saying. The guy is struggling for the power he wants or he lost the power and now is being ******.
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Exactly.

Anyway, the advice is good. Relax on the guy find something/one to spend some time with. You never know, you may find someone else in the process. Best of luck.
 
I say kick the MF to the curb. There are plenty of fish in the sea. He obviously wanted to move on in the first place. He was just too chicken-s*** to tell you the whole truth. Sorry if this sounds harsh...
 
I think you should give up on the notion of being more than friends with this guy. I was in a similar situation and I can tell you that it's really unnecessary to cope with the extreme frustration that comes with constant rejection (not getting any further, etc). If you start seeing other people you'll find out that there are others who can (and will) appreciate you and that there's really no need to be begging/waiting etc.

If he's really your friend and he sees that you are more relaxed toward him, and that you are moving on (and thus he is no longer in a position where he might hurt your feelings), he will come back to his senses and things will go back to normal. At least that's how I see it.
 
SamIchi said:
So any update to this story?
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Yeah, the night I made this thread, I "sat him down" and talked to him.. and we talked everything out for a few hours. We both overreacted to the situation (he got overly mean :p as a defense, I got overly sensitive), but we're better than okay now. :)
 
xfiftyfour said:
Yeah, the night I made this thread, I "sat him down" and talked to him.. and we talked everything out for a few hours. We both overreacted to the situation (he got overly mean :p as a defense, I got overly sensitive), but we're better than okay now. :)
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Good to hear.
 
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