There isn't a job in the world that would have kept me away from my wife. If people are willing to give up their relationship because of their job, then something was missing in the first place anyhow.
Got a tip for us?
Let us know
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.
What do you think about long-distance relationships?
- Thread starter sunnysweet
- Start date
- Sort by reaction score
There isn't a job in the world that would have kept me away from my wife. If people are willing to give up their relationship because of their job, then something was missing in the first place anyhow.
That's a fine sentiment but not always possible. I live in Asia. It is very common here. Not because people want to do it but they have no choice.
I disagree.
I was in a number of LDRs before I met my wife. Funnily enough, ours was a LDR as well. Only hers was in any 'short' distance (read: hour's flight).
My first was 16 timezones away. Yes, Time Zones. Omaha, NE to Melbourne, AU. And that 16 fluctuated, depending on DST (when we are on, they are off, and vice/versa. We didn't meet for 15 months, and we kept things going for 2 years.
Another one I had was to Sydney, which was the same thing. The funny thing about Sydney was that when I was there, I a friend from Melbourne who was in an LDR with someone from St. Louis. 12 months later, I was at their wedding. That was in 1996. They are still married to this day.
Another friend of mine in Arizona had a boyfriend in Brisbane, QLD that I met. They hit it off well enough that he moved up to the US. They are married.
One other friend of mine who is now married to his LDR, was from Cape Town, SA. Her? Reading, PA.
They do work; like all relationships, they take time and patience, but in the case of LDRs, they take a hell of a lot of effort, and knowing that each day apart makes the time spent together that much more meaningful (read: not taken for granted) and worth it. Some people aren't cut out for them, but that doesn't mean that LDRs don't work. They do: my children are proof of that.
BL.
Depends on the couple. Of course, being separated for long periods is tough on a relationship. But when I was in my early twenties, I worked in Saudi Arabia for several years in three-month hitches. My wife-to-be and I first started dating the week before I left for my first trip.
We've been married now for 28 years, so it can be done.
Thats a shame, I'm 26, girlfriend 25, been dating for about 8 years... we started dated and she lived 45 mins away (train ride in high school) - now she lives 2 hours away (train ride). Neither of us want to get married until 30 and we both agreed to work on our career first. We're still together, but broke up on and off about 3 times for 3-4 months each time.
Depends on the couple, if they're truly meant to be together, and how hard they want to work together on staying together.
When I first started seeing my, now, wife she was in Uni. It was a 4 hour train journey. We saw each other for a long weekend once a month. During her 3rd year she went to study at North Western Uni. So that was a 8 hour, or so, flight and I went to see her twice for 2 weeks each time. Then her final year was back to a 4 hour train journey.
We've been together 17 years and married for 11 of those. Long distance relationships are easily doable.
We've been together 17 years and married for 11 of those. Long distance relationships are easily doable.
Like others have said, it depends on a number of factors. How old are they? Do they go to school or work full time? Are they comfortable income wise or are they struggling? How long have they been together prior to the distance becoming an issue? How often can they see each other in person?
I think 3ish hours by car/train is pretty much right at the max as far as having a workable distance. I think there also has to be an end in sight (one of them plans to move closer within "x" number of months). And as I eldued to before, their age/prior relationship history/stage in life all play a role as well.
If they are 18-25 yrs old, in school or working a low paying job, struggling to pay bills, and have little relationship experience and still have some "experimenting" to do...it probably won't work.
If they are in their mid 20s or older, work full time and make a comfortable living, are past the "experimental" stage of their life and are commited to a monogomous relationship, and they have long term plans to eventually be closer to each other distance-wise again...it could work.
Any relationships that work outside of these parameters are the exception to the rule, IMO. But it CAN work. To me, it's a matter of having the means ($$) to make trips to see each other, willingness to make time for each other, a true commitment to being together long term, a plan to be closer to each other eventually, and a mountain of trust.
I think 3ish hours by car/train is pretty much right at the max as far as having a workable distance. I think there also has to be an end in sight (one of them plans to move closer within "x" number of months). And as I eldued to before, their age/prior relationship history/stage in life all play a role as well.
If they are 18-25 yrs old, in school or working a low paying job, struggling to pay bills, and have little relationship experience and still have some "experimenting" to do...it probably won't work.
If they are in their mid 20s or older, work full time and make a comfortable living, are past the "experimental" stage of their life and are commited to a monogomous relationship, and they have long term plans to eventually be closer to each other distance-wise again...it could work.
Any relationships that work outside of these parameters are the exception to the rule, IMO. But it CAN work. To me, it's a matter of having the means ($$) to make trips to see each other, willingness to make time for each other, a true commitment to being together long term, a plan to be closer to each other eventually, and a mountain of trust.
It's funny you ask. I was in the same situation, not a relationship; but we were thinking about it. I'm a 3hr drive away from him, but I visit every two weeks, so I honestly didn't see what the problem was. But aside from that I've been in numerous long distance relationships and they've never really worked out, mostly because of the distance.
Long distance relationships... better not.
I am 38 and I have been there.
If you move to another city and plan to bring your partner later on, it is ok, you could wait even a year.
Now, if you have a relationship and both take separate ways for good... brake up! I mean.. you have to let go the other person and let her/ him be. You can catch up later in life for sure, if there are good memories usually after a few years you may be together again and for good.
Those are the 2 basic cases.
I have had re encounters after 10 years! all of the sudden she wrote me and she lived in another country and she came over for a few weeks, we had sex and then she left and got marry.
And I had some other cases like that. At the end I just learned that separation is always terrible and there are fights and stuff, but just let go and that is it.
At the end, after a few years, you will have several chick to chose from
I am 38 and I have been there.
If you move to another city and plan to bring your partner later on, it is ok, you could wait even a year.
Now, if you have a relationship and both take separate ways for good... brake up! I mean.. you have to let go the other person and let her/ him be. You can catch up later in life for sure, if there are good memories usually after a few years you may be together again and for good.
Those are the 2 basic cases.
I have had re encounters after 10 years! all of the sudden she wrote me and she lived in another country and she came over for a few weeks, we had sex and then she left and got marry.
And I had some other cases like that. At the end I just learned that separation is always terrible and there are fights and stuff, but just let go and that is it.
At the end, after a few years, you will have several chick to chose from
Why not?
If both people want the relationship to work then it's easy.
Just takes a little bit of commitment, that's all.
There's nothing difficult about it.
Most people want to actually BE with their partner. Why would you want to be in a relationship where you can't physically touch your partner or see him/her face to face??
Now, if you're constantly visiting your partner then maybe the relationship would work.
There are a TON of things that could be difficult about it. Money being one of them. It's not simply easy for everyone because it's easy for you. Sometimes there are higher barriers than there were for you. Life doesn't work so smoothly for everybody and a lot of people underestimate the amount of emotional and mental work long-distance relationships take. You make it sound like "Oh, as long as you want it to work, it works".
Not sure where this comes from but it's clearly racist and offensive (as well as being inaccurate).
It's called a joke, and it's not at all racist, merely a common observation of a specific group of people.
Also relevant
Honestly, it doesn't matter. A good relationship is with someone who knows all your insecurities and imperfections but still loves you for who you are.
A relationship is spending time together, seeing each other...getting to know each other in PERSON..not on the phone, text or email. I would NEVER do the long distance thing again. As someone mentioned earlier..there needs to be a lot of commitment on both sides and there has to be an end date.
I can't afford to travel all the time and only have so much time I can take off, so in my situation a long distance relationship is not convenient. And someone mentioned 'open relationship'..well, to me..why bother? That's another thing...I really love the physical part of the relationship, not only the sex...but cuddling, hugs...and when the major form of communication is skype or telephone...where is the touching?
There's a lot that gets missed on Skype (if you do Skype), and 1 or 2 hours a day of "I'm happy/you're happy" talk is not real life. Only when people live in the vicinity does real life set in, and then you can tell if you're suited to one another. Which is not to say there aren't people who have decided to have a go at a relationship that started long distance. There are, but you have to be very open-minded and patient once you finally are in real time with the person, because you're going to find out things you didn't on the all-sweet-all-the-time talk on Skype and e-mail.
Sure you can develop feelings based on talking and emailing. But you have to allow for the fact that your pen pal is a still complete stranger. There is no way to predict chemistry, or how you will feel upon meeting. Did you ever meet someone that was 'on paper' perfect for you, yet there was just something you could not vocalize that felt wrong? How do you judge their social interactions, familial relationships, work ethic or even their smell when you just chat online? There are just too many unknowns for your feelings to be real.
This is my take on it.
I can't afford to travel all the time and only have so much time I can take off, so in my situation a long distance relationship is not convenient. And someone mentioned 'open relationship'..well, to me..why bother? That's another thing...I really love the physical part of the relationship, not only the sex...but cuddling, hugs...and when the major form of communication is skype or telephone...where is the touching?
There's a lot that gets missed on Skype (if you do Skype), and 1 or 2 hours a day of "I'm happy/you're happy" talk is not real life. Only when people live in the vicinity does real life set in, and then you can tell if you're suited to one another. Which is not to say there aren't people who have decided to have a go at a relationship that started long distance. There are, but you have to be very open-minded and patient once you finally are in real time with the person, because you're going to find out things you didn't on the all-sweet-all-the-time talk on Skype and e-mail.
Sure you can develop feelings based on talking and emailing. But you have to allow for the fact that your pen pal is a still complete stranger. There is no way to predict chemistry, or how you will feel upon meeting. Did you ever meet someone that was 'on paper' perfect for you, yet there was just something you could not vocalize that felt wrong? How do you judge their social interactions, familial relationships, work ethic or even their smell when you just chat online? There are just too many unknowns for your feelings to be real.
This is my take on it.
A
AhmedFaisal
Guest
Long distance relationship can be the result of insecurity. I mean "I am in a relationship but not".
Probably both people are bad in relationships and know they won't last if they were together (or at least they believe so), so, they fall into this sort of relationship when at the end, you have someone to talk to on the phone at the end of the day. And it is what is is... "long distance relationship", that can not be confused with a real "together" relationship.
Probably if you put both together, they will discover totally two different people, now you are facing the reality. You knew the routine but now is the reality.
Still, I am for having realistic things, never a long distance relationship worked for me.
Probably both people are bad in relationships and know they won't last if they were together (or at least they believe so), so, they fall into this sort of relationship when at the end, you have someone to talk to on the phone at the end of the day. And it is what is is... "long distance relationship", that can not be confused with a real "together" relationship.
Probably if you put both together, they will discover totally two different people, now you are facing the reality. You knew the routine but now is the reality.
Still, I am for having realistic things, never a long distance relationship worked for me.