Sidebar Sidebar
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.

What Would You Do???

S

Sabie

macrumors newbie
Original poster
May 29, 2009
1
0
Ok, i really need some advise before I go mad. My boyfiend of 8 yrs had survived an accident last Sept- he recently survived another one, only this time with my car. My issue is that everyone is so concerned about his wellbeing and not bothered about how I feel. I just lost my first car & have no way of getting to work. I think what makes me feel worse is that I didn't want him to use my car the day he had the accident. I specifically told him as much but he went right ahead. This is a guy with a seriously bad womanising record under his belt- which I was willing to bear. But now I'm not so sure... Sometimes I serioulsy consider leaving him- I can't take all this drama he comes with.

So my question to you is, "What would you do"??? Am I so bad for feeling this way about a brand new car I'd only had for 7 months??????
 
Dear Sabie

You've come to the right place for relationship advice as it is what we really do best around here. Forget all the crap on the front page, it's really irrelevant.

It appears as though you have embarked on a long term relationship that has abolsutely no future. For the rest of your time with your boyfriend you will most likely struggle with the idea of leaving him. You may love hi or even be in love with him, but frankly you have stayed with him because it is comfortable.

His use of your car against his wishes is most likely just icing on the cake of years of disappointment. You owe it to yourself to leave this unhealthy relationship and form a new relationship with a car.

The good news is, this site is the perfect place to help you mend your wounds and also get a daily dose of Apple news. Apple news is just the secondary objective of this site so you need not worry yourself with Apple news and discussions if you do not wish to. Nevertheless, your car is nothing more than a car. It sucks but hopefully you carried insurance and can soon be driving another car. You should ensure that if he takes your car again that you let him find out the hard way what will happen (call the police and report it stolen because that is what he is basically doing).

I know it is hard my dear but this relationship, as stated, has zero future. Get out now while you're young. Let him wallow in his own pain and guilt. If he has flaws that you overlooked that is great of you, but frankly it's clear that they bother you because you've brought them up 8 years into your relationship with him.
 
I think the best thing you can do is to talk with friends and family who know both you and the guy. They've seen you both over a longer period of time; all we know is this single post you've made.

But on a VERY general level, I'd say that if you've got a boyfriend who womanizes and who uses your car when you specifically ask him not to, it's worth reconsidering...
 
If these are truly accidents and not a result of his stupidity, well, stuff happens and you can't really fault him for it. Just file a claim with your insurance company and let them take care of it
 
How about a round of applause for Jessica's post. Seriously.



I think I used to go out with your boyfriend, or some version of him. He was a cruel and pathetic waste of my time and I cringe when I think of what I allowed him to do to me and my possessions. This also includes wrecking my car while drunk (as he often was) and being a rotten cheating bastard and manipulative piece of useless crap. He also came with a psycho family who supported him unconditionally and tried to convince me I was the lucky one. That whole family should be removed from the gene pool.

What all that hell did give me was an appreciation for healthier relationships and to never ever settle for anything like that. Lesson learned.

Something better is out there.
Leave. Do it now.
 
Real talk, dump him and get on with your life. Not to be harsh here but if you have any inclinations of wanting out and you’re aware of existing issues between the two of you, you owe it to yourself to get up and bounce. I've told my baby sister the same thing regarding some of the losers that she's dated. Not to hate on your boy but he sounds disrespectful, uncaring and an all around waste of space. Why would any female want to put up with that?
 
If your boyfriend used your car after you specifically said you didn't want him too, then that should raise some serious red flags.

Also it is natural to feel bad about your situation and how you now need to adjust because you don't have a car. Plus your first car is something you really enjoy and having it wrecked certainly will play on your emotions.

8 years is a long time, and so only you know whether if he's someone you want to stay with. By now you already are aware of his habits, how he treats you and listens you to (whether its good or bad) so only you can determine if you wish to stay with him or not
 
Sabie said:
This is a guy with a seriously bad womanising record under his belt- which I was willing to bear. But now I'm not so sure...
Click to expand...

Why would you be willing to bear this? This was just one of the many things that stuck out to me. 8yrs. Total lack of respect with taking your car, crashing it. The drama... move on I say.
 
Completely agree with jessica. As Dan Savage would say, DTMFA (Dump The Mother F***er Already).

Seriously, this guy has no respect for you or your property. Kick him to the curb- and don't be gentle about it.
 
leekohler said:
Completely agree with jessica. As Dan Savage would say, DTMFA (Dump The Mother F***er Already).

Seriously, this guy has no respect for you or your property. Kick him to the curb- and don't be gentle about it.
Click to expand...

i agree 100%^^^^

my gf was in a relationship wit a guy exactly like this....its unhealthy and unfortunately still takes a big toll on our relationship...trust me it isn't worth it
 
You mean you didn't say, "it's just a car honey, the important thing is that you weren't hurt. I can get another car. I can't replace you" *kiss* *kiss* ;)

Allright, joking aside. I'll speak for myself in saying that I need a little more information to give you a good answer and in the interest of full disclosure I'm a professional counselor.

When you say he "survived" another car accident what exactly are we talking about? Is he laying up in hospital bed with months of rehab ahead of him or is he at home on the couch in his boxers with a few stitches acting like it's no big deal?

When you say he has a "seriously bad womanising record under his belt- which I was willing to bear" are we talking about things he did prior to your relationship or multiple offenses that have occurred during your relationship? It's hard to have people judge you based on your partner's past mistakes, but it's another thing when your partner repeats past mistakes while with you.

When you say he took your car after you told him not to use it do you mean he used his copy of the car key that you had previously given him or he snuck into your purse to steal your keys, climbed out the back window and sped out of the driveway?

My guess is that there are some pretty poor boundaries in your relationship, but I don't want to say much more without having a better idea of what we're talking about. Additionally, I want to respect the fact that you've been in this for 8 years which means it is anything but simple and represents a big commitment on your part.
 
Finlandboy said:
i agree 100%^^^^

my gf was in a relationship wit a guy exactly like this....its unhealthy and unfortunately still takes a big tole on our relationship...trust me it isn't worth it
Click to expand...

I 100% disagree. Tole is spelled toll.

Oh, and as for this thread, I'm wondering the same things mscriv is asking.
 
Dump and run, girl. Without mutual Respect, Trust, and Loyalty, you don't really have a relationship. You've got one person who pretty much does whatever he wants, and another person who puts up with it.

Of course, this is based on a relatively low information count. YMMV:)
 
Sabie said:
Ok, i really need some advise before I go mad. My boyfiend of 8 yrs had survived an accident last Sept- he recently survived another one, only this time with my car. My issue is that everyone is so concerned about his wellbeing and not bothered about how I feel. I just lost my first car & have no way of getting to work. I think what makes me feel worse is that I didn't want him to use my car the day he had the accident. I specifically told him as much but he went right ahead. This is a guy with a seriously bad womanising record under his belt- which I was willing to bear. But now I'm not so sure... Sometimes I serioulsy consider leaving him- I can't take all this drama he comes with.

So my question to you is, "What would you do"??? Am I so bad for feeling this way about a brand new car I'd only had for 7 months??????
Click to expand...

To summarize:

- You've been with him for 8 years, and after surviving two accidents you mention that you don't have a car anymore; I don't see that you mentioned how he's doing, or whether you're worried for his health.

- You know he has a record of womanizing (after 8 years?), and you're just now doubting whether you're willing to continue putting up with it.

- You're angry that he used your car without your permission and wrecked it. You didn't mention being angry about his first crash.

I think that if, after 8 years of a relationship, you're more worried (or angry) about your wrecked car than your are your boyfriend's health or well-being; or you're writing about his womanizing and taking your things without permission, but not mentioning any of his more admirable qualities; you have already checked out of the relationship.
 
Sabie said:
Ok, i really need some advise before I go mad. My boyfiend of 8 yrs had survived an accident last Sept- he recently survived another one, only this time with my car. My issue is that everyone is so concerned about his wellbeing and not bothered about how I feel. I just lost my first car & have no way of getting to work. I think what makes me feel worse is that I didn't want him to use my car the day he had the accident. I specifically told him as much but he went right ahead. This is a guy with a seriously bad womanising record under his belt- which I was willing to bear. But now I'm not so sure... Sometimes I serioulsy consider leaving him- I can't take all this drama he comes with.

So my question to you is, "What would you do"??? Am I so bad for feeling this way about a brand new car I'd only had for 7 months??????
Click to expand...

You already know what you should do, what you are having problems with is getting the strength to do it. It's not easy, I know. But sometimes the hardiest thing and the right thing are the same... (sorry about the The Fray reference..)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Register on MacRumors! This sidebar will go away, and you'll see fewer ads.
Top Bottom
Back