When it comes to STDs, how paranoid is too paranoid?

[foidulus]

So this girl I'm seeing really wants to take our relationship to the next level(and I've been on a drought for way too long) but I'm fighting back because I'm paranoid about STDs, esp. herpes. Not really sure of her sexual history, but considering how we met, shes certainly not innocent....

We would use condoms, but am I just being too paranoid about a disease that has no cure? What is the tactful way to ask someone to get an STD test? How far into the relationship do people go before they have the ol' STD talk(if they have it all)

I do suck at tact....

 

[adversecamber]

If you're posting your sexual concerns in a Mac forum, I'd say you're too paranoid.

 

[CorvusCamenarum]

If you don't know where it's been, don't put your wiener in it. It's a good rule of thumb.

Scenario the first: she's ok that you want to make sure you're both clean, and it's no big deal.
Scenario the second: if she gets all uppity, she's probably got something to hide. This is a red flag, and you should act accordingly.

I wouldn't worry overmuch. If worse comes to worse you can always find work doing Valtrex commercials.

 

[Ntombi]

If you can't talk about STIs, you shouldn't be having sex.



Okay, okay, I know that's too pat, but really, in this day and age, I'm not letting anything near my vagina (or any other orifice) that's not wrapped. And tested. Just like me. I like not having oozing sores.

And I talk about it. If guys don't want to hear it, I move on. Seriously. I know too many people who will forever regret being too embarrassed or coming off as "too paranoid" to have the necessary conversations.

Ask her to go with you to a local clinic, so you can both be tested. That way you'll both feel less freaked when (not if) the condom breaks.

 

[dukebound85]

If you can't talk about STIs, you shouldn't be having sex.



Okay, okay, I know that's too pat, but really, in this day and age, I'm not letting anything near my vagina (or any other orifice) that's not wrapped. And tested. Just like me. I like not having oozing sores.

And I talk about it. If guys don't want to hear it, I move on. Seriously. I know too many people who will forever regret being too embarrassed or coming off as "too paranoid" to have the necessary conversations.

Ask her to go with you to a local clinic, so you can both be tested. That way you'll both feel less freaked when (not if) the condom breaks.

well i know of one other thing that may freak them out if that happened lol

 

[.Andy]

We would use condoms, but am I just being too paranoid about a disease that has no cure? What is the tactful way to ask someone to get an STD test? How far into the relationship do people go before they have the ol' STD talk(if they have it all)

I do suck at tact....

Don't worry about tact. It's your (and her) health which is of utmost importance. An easy way is to do it reciprocally. Get yourself fully tested - you guys can do it together. It'll shows that you consider her health as important (if not moreso) than yours.

p.s. remember that condoms aren't adequate protection from some STIs. As an example HPV (genital warts) can be transmitted from contact with the skin in the groin/anal area. Condoms won't do this sufficiently. To be as safe as you can it's best to make 100% sure that neither of you is infected, or if you are adequately treated and use condoms as well. The best thing you can do it go and talk to the doctor as a couple before getting it on. They'll have info by the truckload. The fact sheets here are pretty good for a basic primer but shouldn't be substituted for a trip to the doc (australian government health website).

We've got awesome sexual health clinics here in Australia - I'm not sure how you're placed where you are. We can make an appt and pop in and talk to a doc/counsellor about everything. It's great. They can do all the tests, give you all the info you need, and even supply loot. I got a great supply of lube and condoms recently .

 

[Ntombi]

well i know of one other thing that may freak them out if that happened lol

That's what the morning after pill is for.


Or she may be like me, and use at least two forms of birth control AT ALL TIMES! I believe in prevention, obviously.

 

[dukebound85]

That's what the morning after pill is for.


Or she may be like me, and use at least two forms of birth control AT ALL TIMES! I believe in prevention, obviously.

very true and good practice

 

[AppleMatt]

if she gets all uppity, she's probably got something to hide. This is a red flag, and you should act accordingly.

I disagree - most girls are extremely sensitive about the idea of someone poking around down there. Couple this with the pre-occupation of feeling 'dirty' and potential embarrassment should something come back positive (especially since this is early on in the relationship).

I'd suggest two things:
1) Be tactful, but firm. Put your concerns on an even ground, i.e. "to protect us both I was thinking the other day..." It's possible to not accept anything other than the answer you want without sounding like a d**k.
2) Girls come and go. Sorry, but they do. She's likely not going to be the person you spend the rest of your life with, so don't accept anything other than certainty. Do you really want X Y or Z years later?

AppleMatt

 

[furious]

STI rates are blown all out of proportion by the media.

The chances that you get an STI are slim.

Just to scare you. You most likely all ready have HSV-1

 

[foidulus]

STI rates are blown all out of proportion by the media.

The chances that you get an STI are slim.

Just to scare you. You most likely all ready have HSV-1

Yeah, I do, but for whatever reason blisters on my lip seem to bother me less than the potential for blisters on my wingwong, plus the blisters seem to recur a lot less often with HSV-1 than HSV-2 from what I have read.

If you don't know where it's been, don't put your wiener in it.

you should remove the "it", that way it rhymes and can become a catchy public health theme song

 

[alFR]

p.s. remember that condoms aren't adequate protection from some STIs. As an example HPV (genital warts) can be transmitted from contact with the skin in the groin/anal area. Condoms won't do this sufficiently.

Here's your solution:

 

[macmama]

The chances that you get an STI are slim.

I don't know what the numbers are like in Australia, Furious, but in the US, it's estimated that at least 50% of sexually active men and women will have HPV at some point.

Foidulus, my brother has made little "dates" to go to the clinic and have a blood test with girlfriends before they get more intimate. I know it sounds a little crazy (well at least it does to me, who is growing increasingly more old/crochety by the day), but it seems to be what the cool kids are doing. But seriously, if you are hesitant about doing something physical, you shouldn't be doing it. And THAT'S OK. We of course tell this to young women all the time, but the same goes for guys.

Hope it all works out!

 

[0098386]

It's a shame that so many people sleep around without protection that there's such rampant STI's kicking around. Kinda takes a little sparkle off the moment asking a partner to get checked out first.
I suppose it's a problem on the rise and that in time asking about STI's is just going to be as part of dating as buying flowers and asking a girl out. Ho hum.

so don't accept anything other than certainty.

Is the approach I'd take too.

 

[r1ch4rd]

Not really sure of her sexual history, but considering how we met, shes certainly not innocent....

Firstly, am I the only one intrigued by this statement?

Secondly, it is definitely a good idea to get checked. You can have way more fun when you both know absolutely for sure that there is nothing wrong. If you are going to have a serious relationship you should be able to have an adult conversation about getting checked. It is nothing to be ashamed of (in fact, quite the opposite).

However, even if you get checked out and everything is alright it is still a very very good idea to use as much contraception as possible (including a condom).

 

[ZiggyPastorius]

It's a shame that so many people sleep around without protection that there's such rampant STI's kicking around. Kinda takes a little sparkle off the moment asking a partner to get checked out first.
I suppose it's a problem on the rise and that in time asking about STI's is just going to be as part of dating as buying flowers and asking a girl out. Ho hum.


Is the approach I'd take too.

I wrote a 15-page essay my Sophomore year of High School about why abstinence-only education is a terrible idea, and it is actually, I believe, one of the main reasons we have so many people, particularly kids and young adults, getting STDs.

 

[Cave Man]

They're called STIs, not STDs.

 

[ZiggyPastorius]

They're called STIs, not STDs.

Actually, they're called both. STI is simply being used more recently because it covers a wider array.

 

[Cave Man]

Actually, they're called both. STI is simply being used more recently because it covers a wider array.

It's sort of an incomplete term. "STI" is favored because the clinical spectrum of infection can be silent (e.g., HIV, cervical dysplasia with HPV, etc.), yet the individual can still be shedding the infectious agent. Using "STD" suggests that pathology is alway conspicuous, when in many of these infections it is not (and why its use in public health has become antiquated). By the time the "disease" is discovered it's often too late. Indeed, these agents have evolved a number of evasion strategies to circumvent immune responses, which are often the cause of symptoms (e.g., fever) in the first place. Nonetheless, pathology is occurring even though symptomology is absent. As Yoda would say, "Insidious bugs, they are."

 

[Mord]

It's not too big of a pain in the arse to pop down to the STD clinic, I've not done it in a while I probably should do so again soon.

Don't worry about her being offended by you asking, if she kicks up a huff then I'd not trust her enough to have her as a sex partner myself, offence would indicate worry.

 

[iJohnHenry]

If I have a STI/STD, it's an Immaculate Infection.

I wanna get ohforfckssake!'s view on this topic. (Not really.)

 

[SDLSteve]

So this girl I'm seeing really wants to take our relationship to the next level(and I've been on a drought for way too long) but I'm fighting back because I'm paranoid about STDs, esp. herpes. Not really sure of her sexual history, but considering how we met, shes certainly not innocent....

We would use condoms, but am I just being too paranoid about a disease that has no cure? What is the tactful way to ask someone to get an STD test? How far into the relationship do people go before they have the ol' STD talk(if they have it all)

I do suck at tact....

On a macrumors site? Dude, no worries, take your mac, isight and have a good time...You won't even touch each other. All the more reason to buy a mac. Safe sex.

 

[0098386]

I wrote a 15-page essay my Sophomore year of High School about why abstinence-only education is a terrible idea, and it is actually, I believe, one of the main reasons we have so many people, particularly kids and young adults, getting STDs.

I completely agree. At school we were presented with the bare naked truth of it all- videos and all. Around that time I simply chose to limit the amount of people I sleep with in the future is all.
The number of friends I've had to drag down to the STD clinic silly buggers who sometimes can't be bothered with protection. Really isn't the way to go about it.

 

[d_and_n5000]

I completely agree. At school we were presented with the bare naked truth of it all- videos and all. Around that time I simply chose to limit the amount of people I sleep with in the future is all.
The number of friends I've had to drag down to the STD clinic silly buggers who sometimes can't be bothered with protection. Really isn't the way to go about it.

I do as well.

I'm pro-abstinence personally, but I can definitely see where that's a personal choice.

I think that the whole battery of STD's and prevention methods should be taught, but abstinence should also have a part of it. It's not for everybody, but it really is the safest way of doing things and should be at least mentioned.

Basing an entire curriculum on abstinence doesn't work, but I'm personally against curriculums where abstinence isn't part of ways to protect yourself.

 

[Ntombi]

I don't know of any comprehensive sex ed curriculum where abstinence isn't featured, but it is true that abstinence-only programs are leading to a generation of young adults who are ignorant about how to protect themselves, or even about basic biology.

And the kicker is that the vast majority of those who want abstinence only taught to their children are also the ones who are not giving any information at home (other than "don't"). That is making things worse. The amount of misinformation out there is astounding. And dangerous.