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When should I call back date?
- Thread starter thewhitehart
- Start date
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some folks don't end up in bed on the first date
(some might call it a failure that way though)
Not every sees self-depreciating humour as a good thing. Some people see it as a sign of low self-esteem. But yes, a humourous approach is best, I think. How about: "Phew, it's a bit of a relief that we're not going on a second date, since I would have had to cancel visiting the orphanage, where I read to impoverished deaf dumb and blind children, who are also dying of cancer. At least I won't have to see the tears in their eyes again, like I did last Tuesday, when they asked why I abandonned them on Monday." But, you know, done wrong it can come across as a little psycho
But, oh yeah, back to real advice. I usually call two days afterwards, and sometimes get flack for not calling the very next day. I wouldn't have waited until Thursday. But I'd definitely have given a second call this Monday, since it's quite likely that she didn't get the voicemail, or was away for the weekend, or whatever. I give girls 3 chances, calling after 2 days, then 3 more days, then close to a week. Of course, it all depends on my schedule. And I only bother with all that if I thought things went well. There's a bazillion reasons to be persistent, and I don't think that three calls is excessive. Although I'd never put more into it than that.
I never understand all the game-playing. If I had a great date with a guy and he waited 3-4 days to call me I'd probably be rather annoyed and blow him off as well. Then, I never really played by the rules. I think the next day would have been a better idea.
Try calling again (hopefully you'll get her instead of a machine this time) and see if she wants to go out again. If she does agree to go out again maybe mention that you got sucked into the dating rules vortex of waiting X amount of days to call. If she doesn't return your call or agree to another date then better luck next time. Live and learn I suppose.
Try calling again (hopefully you'll get her instead of a machine this time) and see if she wants to go out again. If she does agree to go out again maybe mention that you got sucked into the dating rules vortex of waiting X amount of days to call. If she doesn't return your call or agree to another date then better luck next time. Live and learn I suppose.
I've read that somewhere
Nah, it's just a myth. It's like when people say that Microsoft owns Apple. Hahaha!
Agreed. The rules are more rough guidelines than anything else, and how you respond to a person depends on the dynamic you feel between you. If you feel like calling, call the next day. As much as I love Swingers (and have the script which has the 14 Rules as written by Vince and Jon... well worth a read!) I think the waiting to call rule is crap.
As Blue says, call again. If you get a machine, leave a message and possibly even give a time when you will try to call again (this is only really worth doing if its the first time you call, and as I guess we're past that point, not worth doing). If she fails to answer when you said you'd call, or fails to call you back, its time to move on...
Best of luck though!
had the same situation a few weeks ago. it seems, men see stuff differently as women do. she didn't call, because she didn't want to...
Well, there's a distinct possibility that that is the case here too. But, I can't count the number of times that I called again, and they said that their roommate doesn't pass on messages (listens to voicemail, so it doesn't give an indicator of new messages), or there was some family thing, or a final exam, and they were glad I bothered to be persistent. Of course, there were the few of those who were "still busy"...
Women always say that they like a guy who's confident. Well, I think that, part of that, is to confidently assume that she does want you to call her those 2-3 times. If you still can't get through, then either she's not interested, or her life is too full for you. Either way, a waste of your time.
Plus, let's be real, sometimes people are trying to juggle several other people that they've just met. So they're just getting to know each of you, and if someone else made a good impression too, then it will probably come down to who's more aggressive. Nice boys get forgotten first.
Theres a saying in crime which goes "The dirty get dirtier and the clean get cleaner."
In my non-professional and in-expeirences opinion:
You can't do something like "calling him/her incorrectly" to screw up the whole deal.
Just be yourself.
If things are going to be good then they will only get better.
If things are going to be bad then they will only get worse.
I don't know how well I made my point here, but worrying about the amount of days to call someone back sounds a little bit petty to me.
I suggest you look at the overall big picture rather then at small details.
If one does not like you, weather you wait 1 day or X days is not going to change that.
I hope to God there are no people who check how long it took you to call back and use that as basis for a second date or not. If they do, they aren't worth your time anyway.
So just do with whatever your comfortable with.
In my non-professional and in-expeirences opinion:
You can't do something like "calling him/her incorrectly" to screw up the whole deal.
Just be yourself.
If things are going to be good then they will only get better.
If things are going to be bad then they will only get worse.
I don't know how well I made my point here, but worrying about the amount of days to call someone back sounds a little bit petty to me.
I suggest you look at the overall big picture rather then at small details.
If one does not like you, weather you wait 1 day or X days is not going to change that.
I hope to God there are no people who check how long it took you to call back and use that as basis for a second date or not. If they do, they aren't worth your time anyway.
So just do with whatever your comfortable with.
I'm pretty sure that no matter how much someone might like you at first, it's always within your abilities to screw it up
I'm pretty sure that no matter how much someone might like you at first, it's always within your abilities to screw it up
The amount of time it takes to call someone should not be something to screw it up.
I knew what you meant. But I'm trying to say that every component of the first impression is relevent, even if we wish otherwise. I've heard chick friends of mine call up their friends and talk about one little thing that they didn't like about a guy, and their friends make judgements on his character just from that.
If the guy called back after a month, then I think we'd all agree that it would be too late. Same with 2 weeks... And so on, until we hit this undefined grey area of how many days is acceptable versus not acceptable, versus optimal.
o ok. Then in that case I'd never call, lol.
As long as I have my work, my studies, and my computer, I'm set.
I have no interest in pursuing relationships right now. Waste of money and its most likely going to go no-where and if it does then theres a good chance we'd get divorced anyway.
As long as I have my work, my studies, and my computer, I'm set.
I have no interest in pursuing relationships right now. Waste of money and its most likely going to go no-where and if it does then theres a good chance we'd get divorced anyway.
Sorry for my gloom and doom messages above. I really hope it doesn't discourage you. I'm bitchy like this, when between relationships
Women (and men, of course) are not spoils of war or prizes to scheme after. They're people who expect respect* and friendship. If you want to phone this woman the day after then do so. She's not going to think you're stalking her and she isn't going to think you're desperate. She's going to think you liked her and want to see her again. But what do you do? Start this imaginary game of 'wait and see - I'm not going first' crap. If she gets the slightest hint of that you won't stand a chance. Unless she's just as bad and just wants you to play with for a while. That kind of thing isn't (wasn't) for me. If she isn't interested then you'll get the hint soon enough. Be yourself (maybe cliched, but true) and you won't regret anything. You can't be what you aren't.
See above*
Friends Zone? It sounds like this guy asked a stranger out on a date and kissed her. Friends Zone is when you actually never do either of those things. You hang out and be "one of the girls."
For me in my limited attempts I've found it's much easier to have a casual friendship first before I start to date a girl. I've been around a few girls for a couple of days who I liked but after knowing them socially I discovered them to be not my type.
Again you're thinking of the same thing as that - but replace my "couple of days" with a "couple of months."
"This post brought to you today by complete and utter off topic from the OP"
"Don't hate the playa, hate the game."
But seriously, we need an update. He's not in the friend zone, and he's not in trouble. Maybe she's playing "games" as well. Maybe she's the one following the rules. If the OP writes another post and says "She still hasn't called me back, and I can't reach her," then it didn't go as well as he thought. Otherwise, things are fine.
THIS is what the Friend Zone is.
Friend Zone said:
If your listening send me a PM. I've been studing pick up artists for awhile now. Reason I ask you to PM me is because I tend to get caught up in typing what I think you should do, by the time I realized it I've typed out a mini essay. So if your listening I can help.
I would never leave a message on her answering machine, that now puts the ball in her court. If you keep calling back you will give off the needy wimpy vibe. Also, I like to wait at least a week before a call back and never set up another date when you are on your current date.
jon
jon