You miss the entire point. The iPhone is not just a regular phone, so don't treat it like one. Treat it as you would your laptop.
I wouldn't categorize this as a missed point so much as a completely different point on the same topic. So I'll give it another shot...
My phone has been rained on and is fine. My phone has had water touch the screen and is fine. Far too much water went into the earhole after I applied the protective film. My phone was once accidentally set down in standing water and is still fine, not tripping either sensor. I'd classify this as completely normal use with the exception of the film thing. I didn't really expect it to work after the protective film incident. Assuming the posts of people being screwed by these sensors on here are entirely true, why are some sensors going off with fewer moisture-related mishaps than my own fully-functioning phone?
We seem to be on the same page with the iPhone being "not just a regular phone." I think where we differ is I expect it to be far more, and you're willing to trade quite a few units of fragility for relatively few units of functionality. We can call this phone a laptop all we want, it still doesn't have anywhere near the exposed ports or fragility.