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Try this: http://www.maclife.com/see_whos_sharing_itunes?page=0,1

You could also try step 2 on the page ahead of it. I don't share and I've never run the step 2 program. Step 3 sounds better. You already have the terminal app on your machine and just have to type in the unix command step 3 mentions.

Obviously you want to point the lsof +D command to your iTunes library.
 
In preferences, under sharing...
 

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Here is the terminal command that I use:

lsof -i | grep -i itunes

and then you will be looking for a response:

iTunes 411 [user] ... TCP [your_comp]:daap->[connected_comp]:some_port.

Hope this helps
 
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