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Why are some people so stupid?

anjinha

anjinha

macrumors 604
Original poster
Oct 21, 2006
7,324
206
San Francisco, CA
I just wanted to get this off my chest and didn't want to bother any of my friends since it's kinda late here. Here's what happened:

I dated this guy during the summer. It was never serious and we just drifted apart. Sometimes we IM but that's it.

I'm really into dancing and have a great teacher and I'm really getting serious about it. So yesterday I got to do some dance workshops with these great dancers that I really admired. I was really excited so today I was IMing the guy I dated and told him about them. This was kinda how it went:

Me: Yesterday I did some great dance workshops with those dancers I told you about about once. I'm really excited.
Him: And what are you getting from doing this?
Me: Learning stuff from some really great dancers.
Him. Yeah, but learning something and being able to actually do it are two different things...

I was really hurt by this. He never even saw me dance so he really only said this to hurt me and I don't understand why. :(

Sorry for the long post, I'm just really down and needed to tell this to someone...
 
dukebound85 said:
no offense, but how did that get you down? seriously

take it with a grain of salt and keep on practicing. dancing is a great skill to learn
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As I said, he never saw me dance, that isn't the issue, he can't now if I can or can't dance. The issue is that he said that just to hurt me and I don't understand why he did that.
 
Abstract said:
The guy is a loser. Stop IMing him.
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+1,000,000,000

Plenty of guys. Plenty of stupid guys. (and some great ones out there, too). Just let it go and move on. Get on will making your life great and don't stop for a second to wonder what that stupid loser is up to. Not worth it.
 
some people can't see art for what it is.

as others have said: move on. plenty of appreciative guys out there.



btw: i don't think he meant it in a hurtful tone, but more as if he couldn't comprehend the point of it, which is just as sad.
 
People sometimes say things that they don't really mean. This reminds me of a guy that I went out with who told me that the show that I performed in "sucked" according to people. Looking back, he probably didn't intent to be hurtful, it just came out wrong. This sounds like the same case. He might even be teasing, who knows? Sometimes intentions get lost in IM.
However, you should learn to not be so easily upset. Trust me, I wish that was the worse thing that I ever heard about myself.
 
teflon said:
People sometimes say things that they don't really mean. This reminds me of a guy that I went out with who told me that the show that I performed in "sucked" according to people. Looking back, he probably didn't intent to be hurtful, it just came out wrong. This sounds like the same case.
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The thing is, if he actually had seen me dance he would be giving me an opinion, even if it was bad. But he never did see me dance so I think this was really uncalled for.
 
I'm going to venture to guess (as a female myself) that you like this guy a lot more than you either think or admit. (one or the other)

The fact is women want men to be mildly into what they're into. If you are lucky to find a guy who is into what you're into then you count your blessings. For example, if I stumble upon someone who is equally geeky with me about technology and who will not only put up with but join in my camera fun on vacations and just in general terms around town then I've hit the jackpot as far as mutual interests go. However, you have to know that there will be some things that you're into that he simply will never understand.

I am a hugely sensitive person about certain things and things expressed through IMs are not off limits. His response doesn't come off as callus, only that he simply doesn't understand. Did you attempt to help him understand and if so, why are you? You said the two of you just drifted so unless you care for him more than you think / admit then I'd have to say you're just wasting your time. So what? He doesn't care about your dancing. If he is a friend he would care that you care, but maybe he hasn't hit that maturity level just yet. Perhaps he has and this is him.

I have but one sage piece of advice to offer you about men. "You can't teach a bull to dance, but if you do try, you'll wind up with a lot of broken dishes."

Don't give up on him just yet, friends are far too precious to just give up on over a misunderstanding and under the direction of a pack of strangers on the interwebz. Help him understand and in his own time ... if you two really are friends, he'll make whatever effort he can afford necessary to try and support you.
 
Abstract said:
So he's not insensitive, just really stupid?



Well either way, he's a loser. Glad you deleted him off your IM.
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Exactly- this guy needs to go ASAP. OP, you don't need this loser.

jessica. said:
I am a hugely sensitive person about certain things and things expressed through IMs are not off limits. His response doesn't come off as callus, only that he simply doesn't understand. Did you attempt to help him understand and if so, why are you? You said the two of you just drifted so unless you care for him more than you think / admit then I'd have to say you're just wasting your time. So what? He doesn't care about your dancing. If he is a friend he would care that you care, but maybe he hasn't hit that maturity level just yet. Perhaps he has and this is him. .
Click to expand...

He won't change. People like this never do. Even if he wasn't being callous, he needs to go. If he doesn't understand now, it's doubtful he will in the future. He sounds like an unsupportive, controlling jerk- not somebody who takes interest in his friends' or potential girlfriend's interests.
 
jessica. said:
I'm going to venture to guess (as a female myself) that you like this guy a lot more than you either think or admit. (one or the other)

The fact is women want men to be mildly into what they're into. If you are lucky to find a guy who is into what you're into then you count your blessings. For example, if I stumble upon someone who is equally geeky with me about technology and who will not only put up with but join in my camera fun on vacations and just in general terms around town then I've hit the jackpot as far as mutual interests go. However, you have to know that there will be some things that you're into that he simply will never understand.

I am a hugely sensitive person about certain things and things expressed through IMs are not off limits. His response doesn't come off as callus, only that he simply doesn't understand. Did you attempt to help him understand and if so, why are you? You said the two of you just drifted so unless you care for him more than you think / admit then I'd have to say you're just wasting your time. So what? He doesn't care about your dancing. If he is a friend he would care that you care, but maybe he hasn't hit that maturity level just yet. Perhaps he has and this is him.

I have but one sage piece of advice to offer you about men. "You can't teach a bull to dance, but if you do try, you'll wind up with a lot of broken dishes."

Don't give up on him just yet, friends are far too precious to just give up on over a misunderstanding and under the direction of a pack of strangers on the interwebz. Help him understand and in his own time ... if you two really are friends, he'll make whatever effort he can afford necessary to try and support you.
Click to expand...

I really don't like him that way. Even when we were dating it was all very casual, I never wanted anything serious with him. And actually when we were dating he was really supportive about me dancing. He likes dancing too, although just for fun, I'm the one who's really serious about it.

What bothers me, maybe that was a bit lost in translation as English is not my first language, is that what he said was basically: "what are you so excited about? just because you do some workshops and learn some stuff doesn't mean you can actually dance".

leekohler said:
Exactly- this guy needs to go ASAP. OP, you don't need this loser.



He won't change. People like this never do. Even if he wasn't being callous, he needs to go. If he doesn't understand now, it's doubtful he will in the future. He sounds like an unsupportive, controlling jerk- not somebody who takes interest in his friends' or potential girlfriend's interests.
Click to expand...

He's gone.
 
Maybe he still likes you and is jealous you have interests other than him.
 
The guy just wanted to take a verbal punch at you for fun. He hated the rejection, and this is his childish way of getting back at you --- by making you feel worse about something you care about, and something he cares nothing about.

Oh, and he never cared about your dancing. He only told you that he did....
 
Just noting how assumptive, righteously indignant, superior, and critical some of the posts were regarding the possibly insensitive gent you had issues with. Sort of a "pot, meet kettle" thing there.

I have no opinion on your original post; not enough to go on, I'm afraid. As long as you're good moving forward, that's all that really counts.
 
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Good that you deleted him. Don't need to deal with those kind of dudes.
 
sounds like you are insecure, why even start a thread about this? Just delete and move on. My missus does Salsa sometimes. Its actually quite good.
 
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