Yay, that took too long. (Kicked Out)

[it5five]

I wish all of you guys would realize, everything was great before this denial of me driving. Everything went down hill after I got my license. Before all of this I was an honor roll student making my parents proud and they were happy. I was happy because they made me believe I was working toward what I wanted. The only motivation I've ever had in doing well was when my dad told me he'd buy me a car if I were to get straight As in school which I did up until he told he that he couldn't get me the car. Thats when I got my first job, because I was under the impression that maybe he couldn't buy me a car but I could still buy my own and he'd help me out with insurance. Then he made the idea clear that there was no way he was helping me out with any of that as to which I am now bitter.

Oh yea and I got into NYU's engineering school.

Firstly, congrats for getting into NYU.

I understand you are bitter about the whole situation. But what I, and I think everyone else, is saying is that you are acting rashly about the whole situation. If your dad isn't willing to help you out, then there isn't anything you can do about it.

What you need to do is take a step back from the whole situation and look at it after you've cooled down. You're bitter about it now, so you aren't going to be making wise choices.

 

[Xfujinon]

Bummer about AP Bio. Hands down, one of the easiest AP classes.

Buy one of those AP review books from any book store, that should get you on track.

I hate to echo the polis, but it does sound like you've lost the message in all of this. Like it or not, your parents run the show until you leave for good. If you do that prematurely, there is no statistical certainty that things will turn out well for you. It may, but based on the experiences I've had, it generally doesn't.

Set your priorities, I guess.

 

[Nabooly]

The only thing that being kicked out is going to do is prolong you getting a car.

And seriously life must suck (and will likely suck even mroe) when every time you're denied something you throw a temper tantrum

 

[Hummer]

The only thing that being kicked out is going to do is prolong you getting a car.

And seriously life must suck (and will likely suck even more) when every time you're denied something you throw a temper tantrum

I don't care about the car anymore. I don't care if I get one or not. All I care about is making my parents believe they're not getting a successful son like they wanted. And so far it's been working to my failing one class (lets get this straight that its not purposely), but I can easily try to pass it and if I don't its not the end of the world as I already have all of my high school credits as this class is only an elective and I can take 10 days of classes and a test to pass it after the class is done with, but my parents don't know that. Anyways, I'm not like this all of the time or even at all. This is clearly isolated as I don't go on a vengeful rampage all the time I don't get what I want. There is a ton of times in life where I didn't get what I wanted and I can remember each one in terms of when I went job hunting. As well as being rejected from another college I wanted to go to as my second choice to NYU, before realizing I got into NYU's engineering school. Why I reacted differently to this situation is way deeper than a bit of immaturity.

 

[iJohnHenry]

You have your licence, but I don't know your age.

Also, are you an only child? This could be important in how your parents interact with you.

Do NOT close off communication with your folks. You say now you don't want children, but this to can change.

No parent should be estranged from their own grandchildren.

 

[Nabooly]

I don't care about the car anymore. I don't care if I get one or not. All I care about is making my parents believe they're not getting a successful son like they wanted. And so far it's been working to my failing one class (lets get this straight that its not purposely), but I can easily try to pass it and if I don't its not the end of the world as I already have all of my high school credits as this class is only an elective and I can take 10 days of classes and a test to pass it after the class is done with, but my parents don't know that. Anyways, I'm not like this all of the time or even at all. This is clearly isolated as I don't go on a vengeful rampage all the time I don't get what I want. There is a ton of times in life where I didn't get what I wanted and I can remember each one in terms of when I went job hunting. As well as being rejected from another college I wanted to go to as my second choice to NYU, before realizing I got into NYU's engineering school. Why I reacted differently to this situation is way deeper than a bit of immaturity.

And at the same time ruining your life and future? That, for some odd reason, doesn't make sense to me.

 

[Hummer]

Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; U; CPU like Mac OS X; en) AppleWebKit/420.1 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/3.0 Mobile/4A102 Safari/419.3)

I don't care about the car anymore. I don't care if I get one or not. All I care about is making my parents believe they're not getting a successful son like they wanted. And so far it's been working to my failing one class (lets get this straight that its not purposely), but I can easily try to pass it and if I don't its not the end of the world as I already have all of my high school credits as this class is only an elective and I can take 10 days of classes and a test to pass it after the class is done with, but my parents don't know that. Anyways, I'm not like this all of the time or even at all. This is clearly isolated as I don't go on a vengeful rampage all the time I don't get what I want. There is a ton of times in life where I didn't get what I wanted and I can remember each one in terms of when I went job hunting. As well as being rejected from another college I wanted to go to as my second choice to NYU, before realizing I got into NYU's engineering school. Why I reacted differently to this situation is way deeper than a bit of immaturity.

And at the same time ruining your life and future? That, for some odd reason, doesn't make sense to me.

Am I? What?

You have your licence, but I don't know your age.

Also, are you an only child? This could be important in how your parents interact with you.

Do NOT close off communication with your folks. You say now you don't want children, but this to can change.

No parent should be estranged from their own grandchildren.

I am the only male child. I have a sister.

And I'm 17.

I made the decision to be celibate 4 years ago due to realizing that I'd be doomed if I followed suit with my previous friends who seemed to live their lives based on how many times they had sex within the week. I basically just put it in my mind that sex was a waste of time and ultimately at the time was unproductive for my age, but I've sort of held onto it. Only now am I reconsidering ever adopting.

 

[apsterling]

Hummer, let me get this straight.

Your parents couldn't get you the car, so you're taking what you have and going off. You're a decent student, got into school, and have a job. By no means are you failure material, but because you couldn't get one nice thing you're leaving home to live with someone else.

That said, from your POV the parents are pure evil. They may or may not be, I have never met them, and from your viewpoint, I can assume such.

My only advice is cool down, step outside, and breathe. Then walk inside, and think. Look around at what you have, and how immensely difficult it will get without that, or on less money than you have now, in order to have that.

Regardless of what you think, it is guaranteed to be harder for you and a friend to pay off these things for your (making a wild guess here) $95,000 total year's earnings than your parents (again wild guess) $100,000+ year's earnings.

Just cool down, and as soon as you feasibly can (when you start University) leave calmly. Don't ruin your relationship with your parents, that's the worst mistake you can make now.

 

[Sun Baked]

Insurance for teenager = expensive

Likely at 17, the insurance is going to be two-three times the cost of an affordable car payment that a teenager can actually afford to pay working part-time.

If you buy a car and pay it off, liability alone for a teenager is expensive.

---

Fighting over something like a car is stupid, since getting good grades something you should do for yourself -- not a prize.

Since the financial assistance can be worth more that a car or computer.

 

[EricNau]

The only motivation I've ever had in doing well was when my dad told me he'd buy me a car if I were to get straight As in school which I did up until he told he that he couldn't get me the car.

That's unfortunate, in my opinion. From the very beginning of high-school, I was never promised anything for my grades; I always did my best for no other reason than to please myself (and perhaps some friendly competition among friends). I got A's in Honors and AP classes because I wanted to be as proud as possible of what I had done. I'm not saying this to brag, but purely to suggest that doing your best can mean more than getting a car (which I never had the luxury of possessing in High School).

I'm failing one class...

...Oh yea and I got into NYU's engineering school.

Remember, schools reserve the right to repeal their offer of acceptance if you fail a class senior year.

And I'm 17.

17?

Were you emancipated? If not, you are still subject to the rules of your parents, and likewise, your parents are still solely responsible for your safety.

 

[yg17]

I'd be glad to see what kind of parent you'd make if you believe that verbal positive reinforcement as motivation to do well in school is indulgence. And especially if you're going to lie to your children about it, wait till they're done with school to tell them that you were lying to them.

If I had kids, I would expect my kids to do well in school without me buying them a god damn thing. I don't know why kids expect parents to buy stuff for them when they do well in school, I heard that all the time when I was in high school. I think putting a roof over their head and food on the table and making sure they have a good quality of life (good quality of life does not mean a brand new Mercedes either) is more than adequate compensation for getting good grades.

I did well in high school and college because I wanted to make something of my life and not work my crappy low paying job at Target for the rest of my life. I wanted to do something and be somebody, and be able to provide myself with the luxuries of life and not have them handed to me on a silver platter.

 

[Gray-Wolf]

These days, parent give little motivation to their children. I'm not talking about bribing them, I'm talking about taking interest in how the child is doing, and helping them find the best way to learn. It took me to about 12 years ago to find mine. I learn best hands on, not reading books. See it in action, then I understand and remember things. Now I have a great interest in trouble shooting just about anything.

Parents who simply send their child to school without knowing what they can do, is doing a great disservice to the child.

*Steps down off the soapbox*

 

[Plymouthbreezer]

...So, how's life on your own?

 

[Hummer]

...So, how's life on your own?

I'm at home. I never really fully left. I just haven't talked to my father since.

 

[SkyBell]

I'm at home. I never really fully left. I just haven't talked to my father since.

So I'm guessing "kicked out" isn't exactly the phrase you were looking for.

I've read the thread you referenced in your OP, and this one. I'm only 15, so I probably can't relate to what you are going through, but at this point, I'm thinking you should just give up at your revenge plan. It makes no sense whatsoever, and is only hurting you. I can see why you would want to spite your parents, but it doesn't seem like that's going too well.

I'd be glad to see what kind of parent you'd make if you believe that verbal positive reinforcement as motivation to do well in school is indulgence. And especially if you're going to lie to your children about it, wait till they're done with school to tell them that you were lying to them.

I don't see that my parents telling me I'd be getting a car by doing well is indulgence. I sure don't know how you see that as me being indulged for a long time.

This is what confuses me the most. I'm sorry your parents lied to you, but things may have been different back when the promise was made. (An example was my parents promise to buy me a new computer for college when I turned 18, when I was 13. Now with our finacial problem, it's obviously not going to happen.) If that's not the situation, then yes, your parents made some mistakes. But mistakes happen no one can control them or know how much of an effect they're going to have, so why spite them for it?

I'm glad I am not having children or a family because I know now that by doing one thing I could put them on the wrong track or show them mixed intentions.

No, I hate to say it, but that's just you. I've been angry at my parents before because they too, have made promises they couldn't keep. But I got over it. I realized that me being angry at them or trying to get back at them would get me nowhere or make me happy. My mom and dad divorced when I was 5. That was probably the worst thing they've ever done to me, and I was angry for a long time. Life at that point was not fun. Not because of the divorce itself, but because I was trying to show them how unhappy I was. In effect, I was unhappy. I know now that's not the way to go about things, but it seems to me that's exactly what you are trying to do.

You have to face your father, tell him that you were wrong (even though you might not be, its best just to let it go) and get on with your life. There's no reason at all you should have a bad relationship with your parents because of one broken promise.

 

[eRondeau]

I can relate. When I turned 16 my mother bought a new car for me to drive, a 1984 Plymouth Horizon. (Not a Mercedes, but still...) I loved that car and drove it very responsibly, worked after school to pay gas & insurance etc etc etc. When it was time for college everything changed. My mother always assumed I'd become a school teacher like she was, and my late father was, but I knew that teaching wasn't for me. (I have great respect for the rare "good" teacher, but I would not be one -- I just don't have that kind of patience!) So instead I took a different course, that I wanted for myself, which was just as difficult to get into and just as demanding. And for the first two years of college I was not allowed to drive that car. It sat rusting in the driveway at home, while I took the train to school and back twice a month. But it was a powerful reminder that anything given can be taken away, and sometimes the right decision is not always the easiest decision. And now, 25 years later, if I could find that old Horizon rotting in a junkyard I would buy it and restore it and give it one last drive around the block because it taught me a lot of valuable lessons while it sat parked so long ago.

So I don't know if there's a moral to this story, but as Gord Downie once said: "Follow your bliss, for doors will open where there were no doors before."

 

[Iscariot]

The other night I had a dream and it was very real. Your mother was there and you were there and your car. And there was a... well, it wasn't really a spaceship, it was more like a blimp or an orb of some kind. And then a bunch of weird creatures came out and started trying to take you away, and you wanna know what? They all looked like your dad. Do you understand? And I was jumping up and down to save you.

 

[woolyback]

Can't believe I just spent 40 minutes reading this and the linked thread.... and for what, "never really left home"

 

[GfPQqmcRKUvP]

You're nuts. NYU is going to revoke your letter of acceptance, you are going to cause a needless rift between you and your parents, and you're acting like a psycho. If you know you can get an easy A in the class you are failing, you are failing it purposely.


Here's a question: Why did your parents not get you a car?

 

[bbbensen]

I am confused.

After living a happy life with your parents, suddenly after getting your drivers license, every thing goes down hill?


Why? Cause you needed a car in New York? That doesnt even make sense. New York has great public transportation. It seems that your just whinnying about something you cant have. Get used to it. Also, your dad didnt want to pay for your insurance, did you ever think that they were having financial problems?


It does sound like your failing that class because you want to. The collage can always kick you out if you do bad in senior year. Did you think of that?

EDIT: And your not kicked out if your living with them. Different things.

 

[Queso]

The other night I had a dream and it was very real. Your mother was there and you were there and your car. And there was a... well, it wasn't really a spaceship, it was more like a blimp or an orb of some kind. And then a bunch of weird creatures came out and started trying to take you away, and you wanna know what? They all looked like your dad. Do you understand? And I was jumping up and down to save you.

Strangely a lot more grounded in reality than the OP's world view

 

[Keebler]

Hummer, you asked about how to live on your own, but obviously this post hasn't really answered it.

I will tell you: not yet. Apologize to your parents for your behaviour, explain that you're still not happy with them for their car decision and live with it. At the same time, have some patience, maybe they will come around.

I understand the desire to drive...the desire to be free of having your folks drive somewhere, the desire to take your buddies (or gf/bf) for a ride. I get all that...been there...done that. It's common at your age and was in my time and probably always will be.

BUT, as an adult, I have to tell you, vehicles are great, but they are also one of the worst money pits around. gas (at an all time high price), insurance, repairs, maintenance.... - it ain't pretty.

You sound like a hard worker. If I were you, I'd go back like I said, work to fix the failing class as this is something that obviously upsets your parents and keep working - maybe drop a few shifts to help concentrate on the schooling. Come up with a plan and share it with your parents.

Leaving your folks over this car issue, which seems to have more meaning than just the car insurance, is wrong. You'll regret it. What if one of them drops dead while you're gone? Think about that. Life is short so getting angry of this just seems wrong to me. Granted, I'm not you and don't know all the details.

Now, I'm going to go hug my 6 and 4 year old boys b/c I can't imagine them ever wanting to get kicked out or leaving.

That would break my heart....

Cheers,
Keebler

 

[Hummer]

Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; U; CPU like Mac OS X; en) AppleWebKit/420.1 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/3.0 Mobile/4A102 Safari/419.3)

Thanks for one of the better posts in this thread keebler. You are totally right.



I do have to clear things up once more though for the people who continue to think i was holding this grudge over my parents not buying me a car or car insurance. I want to pay for my own car and car insurance. I was going to purchase a relatively cheap used vehicle (500 - 3000) and I simply wanted my father to either one sign me up for insurance or two put me on his insurance so I wouldnt have to fork out as much as I would on my own insurance. I was going to pay for it all with my now two jobs soon to be 3 jobs and thats the reason I am mad.



I am a minor therefore no insurance company will do business with me alone which is why I needed my parents to sign me up or put me on theirs. I am pissed off that I tried working for something both academically and physically and my parents couldnt do one thing for me while they did promise much more for my academic achievements. Im not even concerned about them not coming through with the whole buying me a car thing.

I believe I can be somewhat angry to the fact that I did some serious work while my
friends got cars and insurance and gas handed to them. While my dads excuse for not signing me up (not even paying) for insurance is his decision to BUILD a million dollar house in new York. And if you say my reality is blurred then I have no idea how to respond to you.

 

[Queso]

I believe I can be somewhat angry to the fact that I did some serious work while my friends got cars and insurance and gas handed to them. While my dads excuse for not signing me up (not even paying) for insurance is his decision to BUILD a million dollar house in new York. And if you say my reality is blurred then I have no idea how to respond to you.

Your friends are privileged, they are not the norm. Your parents shouldn't have to bribe you in any way to encourage you. They have been putting food in your belly your entire life. They owe you nothing more. If you honestly can't see that then yes your reality is seriously blurred.

 

[Hummer]

Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; U; CPU like Mac OS X; en) AppleWebKit/420.1 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/3.0 Mobile/4A102 Safari/419.3)

I believe I can be somewhat angry to the fact that I did some serious work while my friends got cars and insurance and gas handed to them. While my dads excuse for not signing me up (not even paying) for insurance is his decision to BUILD a million dollar house in new York. And if you say my reality is blurred then I have no idea how to respond to you.

Your friends are privileged, they are not the norm. Your parents shouldn't have to bribe you in any way to encourage you. They have been putting food in your belly your entire life. They owe you nothing more. If you honestly can't see that then yes your reality is seriously blurred.

I believe you missed the entire part where I said I was fine with not being spoiled by being handed keys and insurance. I was using it as a comparison to the fact that I'm working for something thats not being given to me. And you're right they dont owe me a thing so they shouldn't have even hinted towards anything of the sort. If youve ever seen the youtube video of the kid at Christmas unwrapping the xbox that's really clothing that's exactly what this is like. Id love to see how you'd handle a situation in which you were built up to believe something and I got your hopes up only to be shot down.