"Zombie" parasite found in Cambodia

Demon Hunter

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Mar 30, 2004
2,284
38
Okay, I've read the articles here before, but this has to be the take-all of hair raising stories (at least for me):

Cambodian Troops Quarantine Quan'sul

There has been a small outbreak of “zombism” in a small town near the border of Laos in North-Eastern Cambodia.

The culprit was discovered to be mosquitoes native to that region carrying a new strain of Malaria which thus far has a 100 percent mortality rate and kills victims in fewer than 2 days.

After death, this parasite is able to restart the heart of its victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believed to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during “resurrection.”

Cambodian officials say that the outbreak has been contained and the public has no need to worry.

General Ary Serey had this to say, "We have obtained samples of this new parasite and plan to learn how it starts the heart and other major organs of the deceased. We intend to use this to increase the quality of life for all."

US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice opposed the plan saying that the Cambodian government holds a great biological weapon and should destroy it immediately. Cambodian officials have yet to comment.

A United Nations team will be dispatched to Cambodia to confirm the safety of biological research in Cambodia.
http://65.127.124.62/south_asia/4483241.stm.htm

EDIT: I was just played by a friend, rather convincing isn't it? The IP address should've tipped me off. Nevertheless, enjoy.
 

PlaceofDis

macrumors Core
Jan 6, 2004
19,239
4
i nearly freaked out at first, then i saw the edit..... clever....


now i just need to go eat someone :p
 

_pb_boi

macrumors 6502
Feb 25, 2004
382
0
Ah yes, the mosquito with muscles to perform CPR on a human. I was nearly caught out too :rolleyes:

andy.
 

strider42

macrumors 65816
Feb 1, 2002
1,460
6
My friend just got a book called "how to survive a zombie attack" or something along those lines. Freaking hilarious stuff. Its a complete volume that tells you everything you need to know about what to do if zombies take over the earth. There's a description in it about how the zombification process works, and its very similar to what this joke told.
 

snkTab

macrumors 6502a
Nov 13, 2004
579
0
Cincinnati, OH
I hope the zombies don't reach Ohio before the time it takes me to wait to buy a handgun. That said, it seems that martial arts is a more potent weapon. Know any Grand Masters?
 

Simon Liquid

macrumors regular
Jul 4, 2001
223
0
Iowa
I recommend against direct physical contact with zombies, as their bite is infectious and they are generally impervious to blows. Even broken bones won't slow them much (more than they already are, anyway).

The best way to put down a zombie is to remove the head or destroy the brain. Heavy blunt objects and shotguns are the weapons of choice. Also, zombies seem to be pretty flammable, take care when exploiting this, however. Not recommended especially when you're refueling your vehicle.

The real key, however, is to use your superior intellect and mobility to stay ahead of them. Conserve ammo, don't get cornered or in the middle of a big group. Above all, find a group of people you can trust and who won't start pointless arguments or try to rape you or anything.
 

Mr. Anderson

Moderator emeritus
Nov 1, 2001
22,561
0
VA
Hahaha, damn, that is a bit nuts - and a nice ploy, well set up - the date - April 1st, sort of gives it away

But it sounds like the start of a very bad movie.....

D
 

ham_man

macrumors 68020
Jan 21, 2005
2,265
0
At first I was kinda freaked out. After being reassured by the EDIT, I clicked on the story. There should have been a few tipoffs...

1) Lack of an author
2) The IP address in the URL
3) The fact that the update date was April 1
4) The fact that "Printable Version" leads to a site called www.horrorart.com...

Also, I went to South Asia part of the BBC out of curiousity sparked by this and clicked on a random story. I found this. Never knew the Cambodians had such similar helicopters as the US...;)
 

Veldek

macrumors 68000
Mar 29, 2003
1,789
1
Germany
Sorry guys, but did you really believe this after all? This is so obviously fake in my eyes, especially:

Since when is there a Malaria-parasite?
They are very aggressive after being resurrected.
They want to study the parasite to be able to use it for sake of humanity (Yeah, right...)

This is so cliché, that it had to be wrong.