It's not the router because I get perfect signal and download speeds on every single other piece of tech in my house.
I have looked on every setting for the Airport and there is no way to disable this 'DFS' mode.
I'm stumped, going to ask for an exchange today.
try putting it on manual on channel 153. Not sure if it will fix it, but it's my last idea. It's possible that your other tech works fine because it is using 2.4 ghz channel instead of 5 ghz, so it is using a standard channel on 2.4.