a personal question for some of you...

[howard]

and possibly slightly inappropriate too.

how much did you spend on a wedding/engagement ring?

I'm going to go that route soon, the problem is that I have no money in the bank, no money after rent/bills each month, and a credit card that has been slightly abused. (i do have good credit though)

I've talk about everything concerning this with the lady, she has gone from wanting a nice ring, to not wanting diamond, to wanting a diamond, to wanting a big diamond, to not wanting to spend anything on a ring to... yeah, you get the point. Dare I say typical female

The thing is, she does in the end want something nice, but I think both she and I just want to get married, and that is more important right now. I've been thinking later on when we are more stable financially I can get her the ring she has always wanted.

My take is that its a rock... big deal, the meaning behind it is what is important. But for a lot of girls its one of the most important items in life.

I know that the ring shouldn't matter, and really it doesn't... but we all know, it kinda does.

any advice/insights/opinions would be appreciated.

 

[mattscott306]

At the time I purchased it, I only spent $1,700. But that was about 2 months of work for me (yeah.. no full time job back then, that changed quick). I think it's suppose to be around three full months pay, or something like that.

However, I think your finances are the most important thing. Don't buy more ring than you can afford.

 

[Lau]

My ring cost £25 from an art gallery. It's plain silver (no stone), and absolutely perfect. I'm not into expensive jewellery or stones though, and we picked it together and it's spot on. To be honest, I think I'd continue to wear it as a wedding ring. I'd also hate it if he'd spent a ton of money on me, as it seems a bit of a waste to have that round your finger when you could have had something else exciting with that kind of money.

I'm sure that's not necessarily helpful, as you've mentioned your girlfriend might well like something more expensive, but for me the meaning behind it and the fact it fitted with the kind of person i am (cheap ) meant it's ideal.

Is there anything your girlfriend particularly likes, like a certain kind of jewellery you saw on holiday together, or something by a designer she likes or something that would be more personal than the usual gold/diamond type thing?

 

[emw]

I believe at the time I spent about 2 months salary on the thing.

I'm somewhat mixed on the importance of the ring. Symbolically, it's nice to have to show commitment, but financially it can be tough on the guy to swing. Most guys getting engaged don't have 2 months salary sitting around for this type of thing, and hence go into debt.

Not the best start, I'd say.

Of course, the fiancé's friends will all be looking at the ring as a judgment on the guy, so he's pressured to get one that's as nice as possible, even if it means stretching his finances.

So I suppose my advice would to have as serious a discussion as possible with your gf. Let her know that you want to get something that demonstrates your commitment, but that you're concerned about the financial impact at this time. I'm sure she'll understand.

If she doesn't, well...

 

[devilot]

I've never been engaged or anything like that, but I'd echo what emw said and to have an earnest chat with her about it.

I mean, when my mom and dad got engaged, my mom bought the ring herself. I think he eventually got her some jewelry but not for awhile.

And I think yeah, sure it'd be great if money wasn't so tight and everyone could get the ring they thought their special someone's would love the most from the very beginning, but to me? It really is about the signficance... (And if you shop around are simple/ open-minded, you can get nice diamond rings for not too much.)

 

[Roric]

When I bought my wife's ring, it was 1991, I was working 3 part time jobs. I went into the store and the old man there could see that I was not looking at the expensive rings. He gave me an 11 point (0.11 carat) diamond ring for $400. He also let me make payments (0% interest) on it and I paid $25/week (one job paid cash). When I had paid off $200, he let me take it home. We bought the matching wedding band 1 year later. Yes, he held onto the matching band for me.

Now after 14 years of marriage, I am making a lot more and can afford a larger, more expensive ring. But, my wife will not hear of it. She refuses to even consider changing rings. She says that I went to the store and picked it out by myself for her and that is the ring she wants.

The store is still around and I always refer people there. It will be a sad day when the old guy retires. (He was in his 60's or 70's 16 years ago.)

So what is the point of my story? Go to the store and pick out the ring YOU want HER to wear, the ring that expresses your love for her. If she focuses on the size/cut/etc instead of the fact that you picked it out especially for her, take that as a sign of how things will be after the wedding and ask yourself if that is what you really want for the rest of your life.

 

[howard]

I have talked this with her through and through. Sometimes it confuses me more each time I do!

I guess what it comes down to is this. She would love a nice ring, but she is expecting nothing big at all, and that is fine with her. Getting married is more important. But I do want to surprise her, and not just go the cheap way out, partly at least. Maybe thats stupid because I don't think rings are important and she is fine with anything in the end.

Its nice to hear your stories, and what all of you spent actually. It helps.

 

[epochblue]

I'll be honest. I spent a lot on my wife's engagement ring. I won't say exactly how much, but it was enough. She loves her ring, and I couldn't be happier that I bought her the one she really wanted. That said, it took me a while to pay it off (a little under 2 years).

Would I do it again? Probably. Would I say it was the best idea to take out a loan to buy a ring? No (especially if you don't have a full-time job).

My advice...
Decide how much money you can spend on the ring and then start shopping around for the best ring for the money. The best decision I made while buying was to buy a smaller stone with better color than a larger stone with worse color. Her stone may be a little smaller than what I would have purchased, but the color is damn-near perfect (and color is what most people notice first). Her stone has a noticeable inclusion in it, but it's really only noticeable if you know where to look.

And like the people above me said...ultimately it's the thought that counts. My wife always told me that I could have bought her a spider ring out of a vending machine and it would have meant as much to her as the one I did buy. Do I believe her? You bet.

Edit: One more piece of advice....buy the setting and the stone separately, you'll spend less that way. And buy the ring from someone local, never somewhere like Tiffany's where you'll pay mostly for the brand name.

 

[zelmo]

I was lucky, as we kind of just mutually agreed to get married without there really being an official on-bended-knee proposal. We just knew.
My wife and I shopped around for awhile searching for the right engagement/wedding set. We were conscious of prices, but far more interested in finding something that she really loved. We finally found the perfect set for a reasonable sum [$2000 in 1991 dollars]. Not too huge, but very pretty. She knows I would have spent more if she had wanted something else, but she was happy. Plus, that meant we had a good $85 left over for my own wedding band.

 

[howard]

Edit: One more piece of advice....buy the setting and the stone separately, you'll spend less that way. And buy the ring from someone local, never somewhere like Tiffany's where you'll pay mostly for the brand name.

how about the typical mall chain ring stores... zales, rogers and hollands etc. are they good price-wise?

one problem with the local store thing... I live in the midst of some nice areas in an expensive city, finding a cheap local jeweler will be like finding a needle in a hay stack. I wouldn't even know where to start.

 

[iGav]

the meaning behind it is what is important. But for a lot of girls its one of the most important items in life.

You should design and comission one. That way offsetting cost against exclusivity and individuality.

 

[epochblue]

how about the typical mall chain ring stores... zales, rogers and hollands etc. are they good price-wise?

one problem with the local store thing... I live in the midst of some nice areas in an expensive city, finding a cheap local jeweler will be like finding a needle in a hay stack. I wouldn't even know where to start.

I'm not sure - I've honestly never really looked for rings at those places. I'd still say you find a smaller local jeweler and talk to the person inside. Typically those places are more friendly (since they're typically family run) and more willing to give you a better deal so you become a repeat customer.

With the larger chain-like stores, in my experience, you're just another customer.

Another thing you could do is go into a local jeweler and get yourself a lesson on what to look for in a ring and have them show you examples so you can more effectively shop around. Oh, and white gold is oftentimes indistinguishable from platinum but will occasionally require you to "redip" the ring to keep the white-gold color. That's another money-saver tip.

On a sidenote: With regards to the "4 Cs" my personal opinion is that this is the order that matters: Cut (because this one is a personal preference, start here), Color, Clarity, and Carats.

 

[Sdashiki]

The ONLY woman worth marrying is one who doesnt NEED an engagement ring.

I fail to see the logic in spending any amount above a few hundred, on a friggen ring.

Whats more is its traditionally a diamond ring, which to me looks like a piece of glass, i.e. who the hell knows, other than the jeweler (who ripped you off), what that stone is really worth? Diamond appraising is a crapshoot, especially when the only person who knows anything you PAID to appraise your ring probably...

I like jewels, color, i dont know, beauty. And I fail to see how a clear rock can be anything but twinkly.

So far, 2 friends married, 2 engagement rings, both $3k+.

IMO, a waste of money. Spend it on the wedding, let others enjoy your money, not just your wife and her silly diamond crazy girlfriends.
But lets not get me started on the waste of money a wedding is...a reception/party, now thats something entirely different.


/rant

 

[epochblue]

...rant...

Wow, angry much?

If you want my opinion, yes, a woman worth marrying is one that doesn't *need* an engagement ring, but that doesn't mean I can't use the ring as a means of expressing the way I feel about her to everyone.

I bought an expensive ring because I wanted to, because it was what she wanted, and because I wanted to make her happy. The OP wants to buy a ring, why go out of your way to post something like that? If you don't want to buy a ring, don't, but don't impugn his decision just because you think it's silly.

 

[bartelby]

My wife's gold and titanium wedding ring was about £340.
Her 1960s white gold and diamond engagement ring was about £300.

 

[Sdashiki]

Wow, angry much?

If you want my opinion, yes, a woman worth marrying is one that doesn't *need* an engagement ring, but that doesn't mean I can't use the ring as a means of expressing the way I feel about her to everyone.

so a poor man doesnt love his wife as much? or just isnt capable of living her as much as you do yours because he cant prove it with consumer goods?

And yes, im angry I have friends complain about being in debt, when they have a $3,000 CC bill for a ring that looks like a thin piece of gold with a large piece of glass on it. This thread just sparked my interest. If someone is going to ask about engagement rings im going to voice my opinion of NO ring is a good ring.

And maybe a better wording is that the only woman worth marrying is one who doesnt WANT any ring.


I guess I can offer some useful info, maybe stick to pawn shops? It will keep your price down, plus it will give you a good idea of just how many marriages last; when all you see is row upon row of pawned engagement rings. LOL!

 

[mattscott306]

how about the typical mall chain ring stores... zales, rogers and hollands etc. are they good price-wise?

one problem with the local store thing... I live in the midst of some nice areas in an expensive city, finding a cheap local jeweler will be like finding a needle in a hay stack. I wouldn't even know where to start.

I went to Kay to get the engagement ring, I met the manager and struck up a nice conversation with him (somehow we got on the topic of the braves, being a similar interest of ours), and I think I got a good deal. Regardless of if I did or not, he's earned my repeat business, because he prices me a little lower then what I see everyone else at on all my other purchases.

 

[howard]

Sdashiki,

while a agree with you, unfortunately its more complicated than that.

For example. Try explaining a wife or girlfriend you share financial responsibilities with the point of buying x-item that you want but don't need. For some people its that nice car or motorcycle, for others its nice furniture or going out to expensive restaurants. For me its a $2500 guitar or other audio gear.

What I'm trying to say is just because we don't "get it" doesn't mean that its worth any less to them. My girlfriend thinks I'm crazy if I glance at a guitar of that price, she says, "I can't tell the difference, what do you need that for?" sound familiar? and I tell her the same about a diamond ring. We are really both being hypocrites. The difference between me and my girlfriend, sadly to say this makes me look bad, is that she would have no problem, and would in an instant, buy me that guitar, if she had the money. But if I had the money for an expensive ring, I would still be very hesitant to buy it.

 

[epochblue]

so a poor man doesnt love his wife as much? or just isnt capable of living her as much as you do yours because he cant prove it with consumer goods?

And yes, im angry I have friends complain about being in debt, when they have a $3,000 CC bill for a ring that looks like a thin piece of gold with a large piece of glass on it. This thread just sparked my interest. If someone is going to ask about engagement rings im going to voice my opinion of NO ring is a good ring.

That isn't anywhere close to what I said; please go back and read my post again. And of course someone who can't afford a ring doesn't love someone any less--that's a ridiculous statement to make, as I certainly didn't even insinuate that.

I'm sorry that your friends are in debt, truly I am, but they didn't have to buy rings outside of their budget. I bought a ring outside my budget, but I paid it off two years earlier than I was supposed to. My advice to the OP was to determine how much he was willing to part with and try to find the best value for his dollar.

He said he wanted to buy a ring, so I'm going to try to help him find a good deal on a beautiful ring, not try to talk him out of it because I think it's silly (FTR, I don't think it's silly).

 

[devilot]

I'd definitely steer clear of chain stores if at all possible. Why? I haven't the foggiest whether or not they get quality stones, I bet they have some great stones...

But what I do know?

Incredibly outrageous markup.

But of course, I'm a little lucky. My mom has a pretty good friend who's in the industry so we get some superb deals there. Example? Helped pick out a diamond pendant for my sister-- got it for about $125. Saw the exact some one in a... the one that starts w/ a "B" (I can't remember the name!) and it was "on sale" from $1200 down to $999. And relatively recently, another contact through a relative works in the jewel district of downtown LA and he has great deals because he literally flies to Belgium and elsewhere to pick out each stone, and he has unique designs. I got a relatively simple white gold with five little rocks (that still sparkle quite well) for $175. If a person I cared for proposed to me with that ring? I'd be ecstatic. It's a gorgeous and on the "humbler" side, but it is lovely. And it didin't cost a fortune. But again, I realize, not everyone has contacts in the industry.

 

[hayduke]

One way to convince her that you shouldn't spend a *lot* of money on a ring is to help her understand that marraige is the bringing together of two people...including their debt!

 

[CorvusCamenarum]

The ONLY woman worth marrying is one who doesnt NEED an engagement ring.

QFT. I can think of many much more practical [marital] uses to which I can put 2 months' salary rather than blowing it on an outdated and sexist status symbol.

To the OP: - if you simply must buy one, I'd recommend taking a look at lab-created diamonds. The quality has improved greatly over the years and they're far less expensive than mined DeBeers diamonds.

 

[MultiM]

I absolutely agree about the lab created stones. I bought a 1.25 carat "created" stone for my wife. She knew all about it. Diamonds are the biggest rip off in jewelry. A really good 'fake' can pass many tests that indicate a diamond. I have yet to see a jeweler here recognize my wife's ring as a fake. Moisenite is the name of the stone. It is much harder than any other fake diamond and refracts and has depth just like a diamond. I highly recommend it. Wifey has had NOTHING but compliments on her ring. I know a guy who spent $13,000.00 on a ring and it doesn't look any different from my wife's. I spent about $2500.

Don't waste your money. Put it towards a house instead.

 

[thedude110]

I'll be honest. I spent a lot on my wife's engagement ring. I won't say exactly how much, but it was enough. She loves her ring, and I couldn't be happier that I bought her the one she really wanted. That said, it took me a while to pay it off (a little under 2 years).

I also took out a loan to buy my wife's engagement ring, but that's 'cause she had previously shown me the precise ring she wanted. Then, I saw the price tag -- and at this time I was making about $17,000 a year and supporting the two of us.

I don't regret the purchase or the loan, though. While she and I don't really share values as to what makes a ring "significant" or "beautiful," the ring is both significant and beautiful to her (and obviously in some ways to me), and that's what really matters.

I would echo everyone else in this thread who says that you need to talk to your woman, though. Be straightforward. Let her pick something out, if need be. If what she wants is a surprise, then fine. Otherwise, get her what she wants. We all deserve such attention.

 

[livingfortoday]

When the time comes for me, I'm just gonna adopt some African orphans from a war-torn area and let the girlfriend behead them, or lop of hands or whatever. It'll be a lot cheaper for me, and it'll be the same end result.