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a personal question for some of you...

I was willing to pay two months income (after tax) for my wife's engagement ring, which was about £2000 back then. Then we went around a few jewellers together and she picked out the one she wanted. It came to £600. She just didn't like anything more expensive - which was generally too big and flashy for her.

(By the way, the whole shebang - rings, dress, flowers, dinner for 60 etc, came to £3000. We used the rest of our savings to move to California two weeks later.)
 
We didn't get engaged, we just got married.

It's lasted 30 years, though. :)

As for the wedding ring, she made that herself out of a nugget I bought in Ballarat. We're cheap that way.
 
Roric said:
When I bought my wife's ring, it was 1991, I was working 3 part time jobs.

<snip>

Now after 14 years of marriage, I am making a lot more and can afford a larger, more expensive ring. But, my wife will not hear of it. She refuses to even consider changing rings. She says that I went to the store and picked it out by myself for her and that is the ring she wants.
<snip>
Click to expand...
Neat story. Good wife! :)

As far as the jewelry industry goes, they try to push folks into purchasing a ring that costs 3 months salary. So if you pull in 24 grand a year, that would be a 6 grand for the ring. A bit much if you ask me. But they are in the business of making money so the more expensive ring the better for them.

BTW, the mark up on diamonds is huge -- really huge.
 
The general guideline for buying a wedding ring is 8 weeks of salary. For a car, it should be 35-40 weeks.

That's just a basic guideline, though. Just get whatever you can afford. :) You don't think she knows what your financial situation is like? She knows. If you don't earn a lot of money, get her something modest --- she already knows what to expect based on your salary. She won't be disappointed. :)
 
Since I've never been engaged, married or remotely close to either, you can take this with a grain of salt, worth every penny you paid for it:

You couldn't pay me to buy a diamond for anyone. It's a cruel, exploitive industry run by a cartel that cons people into believing that they're valuable based on ancient, sexist traditions. The tobacco and oil industries must envy them.

A ring, that I could buy. I don't think it's ridiculous to spend a lot of money on a (diamondless) ring. It's a symbol that's intended to last forever, and it's the only one you'll give her for that purpose. All past and future gifts are temporary and less symbolic by comparison. Having said that, she needs to be aware of your financial limitations. I don't think it's unromantic to weigh these costs at all, considering it's just the start of your investing in each other. As someone else suggested, it makes a lot of sense to buy a cheaper ring now and invest in a down payment on a house instead. If she's really The One, she won't resent your for it or let her friends make any judgments.

And it's absolutely true that people are hypocritical for criticizing a wedding ring price while blowing money on other unnecessary things all the time. Is it any dumber than going out to eat more than we need to? Losing money at slot machines? Buying a sports car? I say no.
 
I've always thought that you can get quite beautiful rings for around $2500-3000.

That's what I would expect a boyfriend to buy me.
It's a big enough investment to be very special, but not ridiculously expensive.
 
Two alternative options:

1. Seek out a family heirloom gem that you can reset. Surely someone in your family (or possibly even hers, if you're not opposed to the gem coming from her side) must have some gem, and quite possibly a diamond, that you can use to create a ring to suit your lady's tastes? My late husband had a diamond that was his mother's, and before that his great-grandmother's, and that became my engagement ring. I always felt very special to be wearing something with such history.

2. Get a beautiful non diamond. Diamonds have no resale value (or almost none, really, it's a huge hoax that diamonds are worth anything significant), and they're also rather boring. There are a variety of gorgeous precious and semiprecious stones that are NOT diamonds, and are much more affordable, and still worth more in terms of resale! Plus, everyone has a diamond - why not be different? If you're a mac person, you surely understand this sentiment. I would have gotten a garnet had my husband not had the family diamond.

ETA: My ring ended up costing about a little under $300 for the setting (14k white gold). The diamond was 'free'. The overall 'value' of the ring is around $1500 or so, I believe. But I would have been perfectly happy with a garnet ring worth $350.
 
When we got married there was no way on earth my soon to be husband could afford an engagement ring. He bought me a plain gold band which I love. In ten years he bought be an anniversary ring which is beautiful but cost under $500. The marriage is more important than the wedding ( I hate lavish weddings) or the ring. We were both in school and working at least two jobs and the first thing we went into serious debt for was a Macintosh. :)
 
true777 said:
I've always thought that you can get quite beautiful rings for around $2500-3000.

That's what I would expect a boyfriend to buy me.
It's a big enough investment to be very special, but not ridiculously expensive.
Click to expand...
Unfortunately, you may be disappointed some day if your fiance can only afford a much cheaper ring.

emmawu said:
The marriage is more important than the wedding ( I hate lavish weddings) or the ring.
Click to expand...
So very true.

We probably all know of a few folks who lavish weddings or exchanged expensive rings but forgot what they represented.

To the OP, remember a good woman will not expect something that you cannot afford. Rather she will understand.
 
Hey Howard,

Congrats on the upcoming engagement (should all go well, of course! ;) ). I don't know where you're located, but if you're near a major city, it will be worth your while to go directly to a diamond dealer and jewelry designer. You may end up paying as much as you would at a chain jeweler, but the quality is going to be better. Plus of course, you'll have more say over the kind of ring you want.

I love fairnymph's idea of resetting a family heirloom, though.
 
I would recommend going the custom route.

1)Melt down any scrap gold you have , you dont need much - less than 3 grams.
2)get the goldsmith to roll it instead of casting $50

3) add prong brackets $30

4) add stone - do not buy stones from jewelers buy them from gem cutters.
a nice diamond ie H-J color , I1 clarity and well cut under 1ct will be less than $150 from a cutter. or I know you will laugh, eBay is actually a great place to get stones with out the mark up.

5) set stone $25

total cost for a unique ring under $500.
 
macmama said:
Hey Howard,

Congrats on the upcoming engagement (should all go well, of course! ;) ). I don't know where you're located, but if you're near a major city, it will be worth your while to go directly to a diamond dealer and jewelry designer. You may end up paying as much as you would at a chain jeweler, but the quality is going to be better. Plus of course, you'll have more say over the kind of ring you want.

I love fairnymph's idea of resetting a family heirloom, though.
Click to expand...

hmm for some reason I had the mindset that these places would be MORE expensive than the chains, now that a few people have mentioned them i will have to check them out. Any websites that show you where to look for these places?

Thanks for all the good advice people have given.

I don't really want to get in to arguments with all of the comments about whether its good or bad to buy a certain price range, or ring at all. I just wanted to see what most people spent, and also all this good advice about where to look.

Obviously if a marriage is all about the ring its not a good idea to marry that person, I figured that was common sense. My point is that I do want to impress my girl with something nice. Not necessarily something expensive but what she would want.
 
Leareth said:
I would recommend going the custom route.

1)Melt down any scrap gold you have , you dont need much - less than 3 grams.
2)get the goldsmith to roll it instead of casting $50

3) add prong brackets $30

4) add stone - do not buy stones from jewelers buy them from gem cutters.
a nice diamond ie H-J color , I1 clarity and well cut under 1ct will be less than $150 from a cutter. or I know you will laugh, eBay is actually a great place to get stones with out the mark up.

5) set stone $25

total cost for a unique ring under $500.
Click to expand...

that would actually be really cool. really cool. not only can I get it at a good price, but I could actually get it made just for her. Where do you find places like this?
 
I must admit, there is a deep, dark secret regarding the very nice ring I gave my bride of 10 for our engagement.

And the best way to keep a secret, is not to tell it!
 
Roric said:
When I bought my wife's ring, it was 1991, I was working 3 part time jobs. I went into the store and the old man there could see that I was not looking at the expensive rings. He gave me an 11 point (0.11 carat) diamond ring for $400. He also let me make payments (0% interest) on it and I paid $25/week (one job paid cash). When I had paid off $200, he let me take it home. We bought the matching wedding band 1 year later. Yes, he held onto the matching band for me.

Now after 14 years of marriage, I am making a lot more and can afford a larger, more expensive ring. But, my wife will not hear of it. She refuses to even consider changing rings. She says that I went to the store and picked it out by myself for her and that is the ring she wants.
Click to expand...
Just by hearing the story, I can see how much the ring meant to both you and your wife, and how much you love your wife. :) :) :)
 
howard said:
that would actually be really cool. really cool. not only can I get it at a good price, but I could actually get it made just for her. Where do you find places like this?
Click to expand...

You only need two people
the goldsmith - can be affiliated with jewelry store but I use freelancers- less mark up, more time spent in getting it right. Look under metalsmiths or goldsmiths in phonebook.
the reason I said roll the gold is that a cast costs $125 for the mold plus the hourly rate, and a simple ring does not require a custom mold unless she is like me with really big hands - I take a size 13 ring !!!

the stone/gem cutters find in phone book under Lapidary or even gem cutter. call and ask for what they have on hand or if they know someone willing to sell a loose diamond stone G-J color, I2 or better and under 1 ct you will get alot of options keep bargaining.

then once you have stone ask goldsmith to set it in the gold setting. Done

Optional step go to an appraiser and get a certificate that states how much the ring is worth ,it will be easily ten times what you paid for it. Impress GF/fiancee
 
I spent about $100 total on the ring and both our bands. My tux was a cheap rental, our wedding was held at her dad's church, and our honeymoon was a single night at a $40 hotel with an $8 bottle of wine. When the time is right, I'll present her with a diamond she could skate on, and we'll fly to Ireland for the real honeymoon. I've got that penciled in for "someday".
 
Leareth said:
You only need two people
the goldsmith - can be affiliated with jewelry store but I use freelancers- less mark up, more time spent in getting it right. Look under metalsmiths or goldsmiths in phonebook.
the reason I said roll the gold is that a cast costs $125 for the mold plus the hourly rate, and a simple ring does not require a custom mold unless she is like me with really big hands - I take a size 13 ring !!!

the stone/gem cutters find in phone book under Lapidary or even gem cutter. call and ask for what they have on hand or if they know someone willing to sell a loose diamond stone G-J color, I2 or better and under 1 ct you will get alot of options keep bargaining.

then once you have stone ask goldsmith to set it in the gold setting. Done

Optional step go to an appraiser and get a certificate that states how much the ring is worth ,it will be easily ten times what you paid for it. Impress GF/fiancee
Click to expand...


cool, thanks for all the info. I'm definitely going to look into this.

Slightly concerned of the fact that I know nothing about this stuff, don't want to mess something up and be out more than I should, or get ripped off. But this could be a good experience.
 
seems to me a shame to spend so much on something that matters so little when just starting a life together. life gets expensive after getting married, and WAY expensive after kids come along if that is the plan. double cost for no kids, four times cost after kids, single being the reference.

i really liked the do it yourself post. great idea. i was also going to suggest that if she is really into the ring idea, but can at least see the upcoming money part... go shopping at pawn shops, estate auctions and the like. it may not be the most valuable ring, but she gets to help/pick something she likes, and you (both) could save a bunch of money. best of luck with everything and congrats.
 
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