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50 office-speak phrases you love to hate
- Thread starter edesignuk
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Oh, "Going Forward" is #1. I agree.
Also, our office uses "I look forward to your thoughts." at the close of every email. It drives me nuts.
However, I do like the phrase "Have you tried Percussive Maintenance?" from our IT department when we have an issue with our fantastically horrible Dells. Basically, if you haven't banged it a few times before calling them, don't bother. Give the system a few hard knocks and who knows, it could fix itself.
Also, our office uses "I look forward to your thoughts." at the close of every email. It drives me nuts.
However, I do like the phrase "Have you tried Percussive Maintenance?" from our IT department when we have an issue with our fantastically horrible Dells. Basically, if you haven't banged it a few times before calling them, don't bother. Give the system a few hard knocks and who knows, it could fix itself.
It's all part of a plan by corporations to make you feel like the company is paying you to relax instead of being forced to comply with labour laws.
One that gets me is "mission critical", just bloody well say that it's important and be done with it! There's no need to butcher the English language over it.
Issues.
That word drives me nuts sometimes. "He's got issues." She's got issues." "The software has issues." "Can you look into those issues?" "We have a few issues to work on."
That word drives me nuts sometimes. "He's got issues." She's got issues." "The software has issues." "Can you look into those issues?" "We have a few issues to work on."
We used to have a client whose business card carried the job title 'Imagineer'.
it might not surprise you to learn that he was a complete tit.
it might not surprise you to learn that he was a complete tit.
We had an electronic prepress operator who called herself an Imagineer instead of an Imaging Technician, which was the title management assigned to that position. I believe that title was originally coined at Disney back in the day.
A client of mine recently requested his brand be seen as a 'reflective sponge' for local interests.
We have a bunch of consultants running around not learning our business and making recommendations. Oy.
We surveyed 1,500 of our web site users and we scored amazing on all questions but we're redesigning anyway. And I'm under no illusions that my site can use some improvements. Was on conference call today and I could barely contain my laughter at the crap these guys spew...
We need to take a holistic approach
Studies show that content density related to site abandonment
We need more flashy pages (our average customer is 55)
There were dozens more. I finally told these guys, "Look, with all due respect, the marketing drives the process, not the other way around." Silence ensued and we got on to some real work.
We surveyed 1,500 of our web site users and we scored amazing on all questions but we're redesigning anyway. And I'm under no illusions that my site can use some improvements. Was on conference call today and I could barely contain my laughter at the crap these guys spew...
We need to take a holistic approach
Studies show that content density related to site abandonment
We need more flashy pages (our average customer is 55)
There were dozens more. I finally told these guys, "Look, with all due respect, the marketing drives the process, not the other way around." Silence ensued and we got on to some real work.
One use of "leverage" per meeting annoying, but beyond that it quickly becomes obnoxious.
Bandwidth... yeah this one is also quite annoying, along with Feedback.
Clearly the business college idiots are glomming onto terms they've heard used by the engineers and IT specialists to make themselves seem sophisticated and analytical.
More on my list:
out of pocket
by the same token
lets take it offline
:roll:
Bandwidth... yeah this one is also quite annoying, along with Feedback.
Clearly the business college idiots are glomming onto terms they've heard used by the engineers and IT specialists to make themselves seem sophisticated and analytical.
More on my list:
out of pocket
by the same token
lets take it offline
:roll:
I hear that line about 3 or 4 times a day from only one staff member. The other office speak
1. Never Assume - cause it makes a ASS of U and ME (we get this line if someone says assume and it's always from one staff member who likes to quote the hardly working line)
2. We don't live in Should Land
3. Here this one alot, when the person on the phone asks how there going i hear pretty good for a monday, yes it is monday isn't it (as if you forget what day it is meh)
My agency's top ten:
10. We'll talk about it offline.
9. at the end of the day...
8. bring them up to speed.
7. A good fit ('he's a good fit', 'it's not a good fit...')
6. touch base.
5. It is what it is.
4. play ('she'll play nice', or 'I think we can get them to play on this.')
3. add value ('I think he really adds value', or 'does this really add value to the document?'
2. he's a change agent... she's a change agent...
1. dump down. (as in... 'let's meet later and I'll give you the dump down on our previous meeting')
10. We'll talk about it offline.
9. at the end of the day...
8. bring them up to speed.
7. A good fit ('he's a good fit', 'it's not a good fit...')
6. touch base.
5. It is what it is.
4. play ('she'll play nice', or 'I think we can get them to play on this.')
3. add value ('I think he really adds value', or 'does this really add value to the document?'
2. he's a change agent... she's a change agent...
1. dump down. (as in... 'let's meet later and I'll give you the dump down on our previous meeting')
I knew a chap who used that one a few times, however given the fact that he thought it was pronounced para-dig-um it was even more of an uphill struggle for him not to sound daft.
I like my office. If I don't like the chatter I just turn the CB off
The company uses way too many acronyms though. ETA, PTA, RDO, DM, FM, TM, and so on. The nice thing is that I have several excuses I can use to ignore the company and there is no way they will know the truth.
The company uses way too many acronyms though. ETA, PTA, RDO, DM, FM, TM, and so on. The nice thing is that I have several excuses I can use to ignore the company and there is no way they will know the truth.
About 7 years ago I was consulting a large company on rolling out an international Active Directory design. The Microsoft guys were there too.
One of the quotes which stuck in my mind: "We need to interface with the CIO regarding the Outward-Facing vs. Inward facing resources..."
I said, "You mean that you want to speak with Roger about the Website and Intranet?!?"
I was off the gig.
Guess if you don't talk the talk.... you have to walk away...
;-)
One of the quotes which stuck in my mind: "We need to interface with the CIO regarding the Outward-Facing vs. Inward facing resources..."
I said, "You mean that you want to speak with Roger about the Website and Intranet?!?"
I was off the gig.
Guess if you don't talk the talk.... you have to walk away...
;-)
'Brainstorming' that's an irritating phrase, every time the Managers are stuck for idea's it's "lets have a brainstorming session" so they can take the glory for all your daydreaming, but not in Tunbridge Wells UK, They enjoy Thought showers
No More brainstorming
No More brainstorming
Issues.
That word drives me nuts sometimes. "He's got issues." She's got issues." "The software has issues." "Can you look into those issues?" "We have a few issues to work on."
I've heard that so often I don't pay any attention to it anymore. It used to drive me nuts but meh nowadays.
I've got to say the phrases don't bother me any more. Besides, as soon as they stop saying one that does annoy you, they find a new one twice as annoying.
What really annoys at work is the sheer incompetency level that seems to be on the rise year after year.
What really annoys at work is the sheer incompetency level that seems to be on the rise year after year.