Wow.. I have a few in my head that are absolutely unforgettable. But the one that comes out on top...
Memorial Day weekend. my SO and I are getting the house cleaned up, as we are expecting our first child. I'm out in the garage storing some things, when I hear her coming to the back door, bleeding and in labour. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, except that she was only 17 weeks along. We rush to the ER, which they take her back, get her stabilized, but keep me outside of her room, door closed. No-one comes in or leaves the room for 30 minutes.. 45 minutes.. 4 more people and a cart go in, but still won't let me in.. another 45 minutes go by, and 5 people leave along with the cart, and won't say a word to me. 15 minutes later, the doctor lets me in, leaves and I can see my wife.
We had a baby girl. She lived less than 10 minutes. I didn't to see her, except for after she died. They cleaned her up as best as they could and presented her to me in a silver pan (lack of a better word). They took her again a short time later. That was the last I ever saw of her. It wasn't for another hour that someone came in from the hospital that I could talk to to ask or find out what was going on, and that was only the chaplain. No single doctor or nurse would give me the time of day, let alone tell me what happened.
State law here in CA (if not federal) states that for a doctor/hospital/medical facility to be obligated to try to save the unborn child, they must at the least be at 24 weeks or later into the gestational cycle. So, it is at 24 weeks where you are guaranteed a birth and death certificate in case of loss.
Since she was at 17, she was deemed a second trimester miscarriage, and discarded as medical waste. So according to the state, it is as if she never existed, though my wife gave birth to her.
In that one day, all of the hopes and dreams I had for her were gone. In that one day, our rose-coloured glasses of how easy, sweet, and perfect pregnancies and births were supposed to be were shattered. And seeing how someone like the Duggers could have gone through 19 births, and how that was basically glorified made my wife and I just so grief stricken, especially about how unfair it was, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
So far to date, that one day was the third time in my life, as strong as I had to be for both her and I, that sat down and cried like a baby. As a father, you're supposed to be the protector; don't let anyone hurt your baby girl. Not only was she hurt, she was gone. we couldn't protect her. And what makes it worse, is that no-one wants to hear about how pregnancies go wrong or the tragic side of it. All they think about are the baby showers, clothes shopping, etc. But when a loss happens, they don't want to be around, because they themselves don't know how to handle it. That's why it's a silent sorrow.. And I'm sorry to say, everyone, that could happen to anyone here. And the day that happened to me, is one I can not and will not ever forget.
BL.