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A Microcosm of the Smoking Debate

leekohler said:
Sounds like you're still using intoxicants though, Mord- just not as much. Why should smoking be any different? Why should the OP have to completely give something up for someone else? Why not compromise?
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I don't do anything significantly damaging to my health anymore, our chemical intake is very modest and at parity. Plus I get liver/kidney function tests every 4-5 months.

I stopped abusing my body a long time ago, it's still a matter of debate mind but effectively I have given up a fair amount for her, neither of us indulges in such things purely for the sake of the high, we do it together. I won't get intoxicated in any way while away from her as I just don't see the point.

A compromise wasn't suitable in my case as her habit was not excessive to start, if she bought a pack it'd last a couple of weeks and for that whole time I'd feel wretched. It doesn't sound suitable for the OP either as it clearly bothers his girlfriend to a similar degree. Though it may well be worth reaching a compromise in terms of parity, by having her get over a bad habit at the same time.

leekohler said:
Mord- I'm 41 (almost 42), and you've seen my pics. ;) I'd say I'm far from what you've described. There are far more factors involved in the aging process and fitness.
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It may well delay things, the fittest person I know has smoked his entire life but he's still starting to get problems at 50.

I may sound über militant but it really cab be just that much of a problem for someone to put up with, it certainly was for me. My girlfriend stopped because as soon as she learnt how it made me feel she wanted to stop. I've only ever seen people quit when they're deep down really wanted to.
 
leekohler said:
Giving up smoking for someone else is giving it up for the wrong reason.
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I don't completely agree w/that, but the OP won't be able to quit smoking until the OP wants to quit smoking. It's like trying to help a junkie, alcoholic, morbidly obese person, or someone who habitually goes from one abusive relationship to the next in that there is only so much influence outsiders have. Until that person makes the concession decision to change they aren't going to change.

I say I don't completely agree w/you Lee because if someone gives smoking, or drugs, or whatever because they want to significantly better the odds of seeing their kids and/or grandkids grow up and significantly reduce the odds of being a physical, emotional, and/or financial burden on their family then I don't see giving up the habit for someone else as a bad thing.


Lethal
 
Mord said:
I don't do anything significantly damaging to my health anymore, our chemical intake is very modest and at parity. Plus I get liver/kidney function tests every 4-5 months.

I stopped abusing my body a long time ago, it's still a matter of debate mind but effectively I have given up a fair amount for her, neither of us indulges in such things purely for the sake of the high, we do it together. I won't get intoxicated in any way while away from her as I just don't see the point.

A compromise wasn't suitable in my case as her habit was not excessive to start, if she bought a pack it'd last a couple of weeks and for that whole time I'd feel wretched. It doesn't sound suitable for the OP either as it clearly bothers his girlfriend to a similar degree. It may well be worth reaching a compromise in terms of parity, by having her get over a bad habit at the same time.
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To each their own. What has worked for you will not necessarily work for others.
 
Theophany said:
I come from a family where most people smoke. I too smoke.
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And there are actually people in this world who think parents aren't role models for their children. But that's beside the point here.

So I, very reluctantly, made the effort to give up for her.
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The "very reluctantly" part of this statement is why I'm feeling pessimistic about where this relationship is headed. She wants a boyfriend who doesn't smoke. You want a girlfriend who doesn't mind your smoking.

To me this isn't one of those compromise situations between couples, it's a matter of changing or not.
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Exactly. Either (1) you will be happy not smoking, (2) she will be happy with you smoking, or (3) your relationship is going to have a very hard time moving into anything long-term.

As requested, no lecture here on health benefits, etc. This is simply about what you want more (a relationship with her or your cigarettes) and what she wants more (a relationship with you or a smoke-free relationship).

Sorry if I'm coming across bluntly, I don't really mean to sound so harsh - but this is one of those things where I don't see a compromise working out well.
 
Tomorrow said:
Exactly. Either (1) you will be happy not smoking, (2) she will be happy with you smoking, or (3) your relationship is going to have a very hard time moving into anything long-term.

As requested, no lecture here on health benefits, etc. This is simply about what you want more (a relationship with her or your cigarettes) and what she wants more (a relationship with you or a smoke-free relationship).

Sorry if I'm coming across bluntly, I don't really mean to sound so harsh - but this is one of those things where I don't see a compromise working out well.
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Bingo, should have said the same thing myself earlier.
 
Mord said:
Plus I get liver/kidney function tests every 4-5 months.
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And this strikes you as normal?? (Whatever that is these days??)
smileyspudnikconfounded.gif


My sister is a smoker, and was an alcoholic (unbeknownst to me) for many years. She finally quite drinking, cold, (after almost burning her house down) but cannot quite smoking.

At one time, she, and her now deceased husband (death not related to smoking), stopped together.

Then, at a party one night he had one and then so did she. They both smoked again for about 2 to 3 months after that, then he quite again.

She could not!!
 
iJohnHenry said:
And this strikes you as normal?? (Whatever that is these days??)
smileyspudnikconfounded.gif


My sister is a smoker, and was an alcoholic (unbeknownst to me) for many years. She finally quite drinking, cold, (after almost burning her house down) but cannot quite smoking.

At one time, she, and her now deceased husband (death not related to smoking), stopped together.

Then, at a party one night he had one and then so did she. They both smoked again for about 2 to 3 months after that, then he quite again.

She could not!!
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I get the tests as a precaution due to meds I'm prescribed. I used to drink like I fish during some rough teenage years and my liver wasn't in particularly brilliant shape, it bounced back fairly quickly though.
 
If she hates smoking with a passion, why did she even go out with you in the first place? Yo where a smoker when she met you, you tried to quit for her. It didn't work out. She needs to understand that a smoker has to really want to quit before they are successful.

I recently quit smoking, but my husband still smokes. I would never pressure him into quitting. He'll quit when he's ready.
 
beatzfreak said:
If she hates smoking with a passion, why did she even go out with you in the first place? Yo where a smoker when she met you, you tried to quit for her. It didn't work out. She needs to understand that a smoker has to really want to quit before they are successful.
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The majority of those I've be with have smoked, I never decided to fall in love with them it just happened.
 
i don't understand. you know about the health aspects of smoking, your girlfriend doesn't seem to be thrilled about you smoking, and most importantly you were able to physically stop smoking...what more reason do you need to stop?

i guess i'll be old fashioned and quote my parent's naggings that just because you can, and enjoy, doing something it doesn't mean you should.
 
SteveMobs said:
Once a smoker always a smoker. That's the basic idea.
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The CEO of a company I used to work for died from emphysema a couple years ago. He smoked 'til the end. He talked to me about how bad of a disease it was and how much he wanted to warn others of the danger of the addiction. He lived uncomfortably and died after a lot of pain. So, seeing how much pain he was in and still not being able to break the habit showed me how strong the addiction can be. He even set himself on fire one day by smoking while he still had his oxygen tubes in his nose.

I know it is possible to quit, but I can understand that it is a lot harder than most people think. I wouldn't wish anyone to go through the pain that smokers and alcoholics will eventually go through after a long life of the destruction caused by the products, but it is their choice to do so as long as they do not hurt other people by smoking around them or driving while under the influence.
 
leekohler said:
Giving up smoking for someone else is giving it up for the wrong reason.
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So if you know your S.O. loves you, but is absolutely disgusted with kissing you due to the taste, and you decide to stop smoking, are you doing it for them, or for yourself?


I really don't think things like this are so clear cut as to have 1 solution, 2 solutions, or even 5 solutions. If you're going to cut down, there's an entire spectrum of solutions with regards to how much you cut down. However, if your S.O. doesn't like to kiss you because your breath either smells like cigarettes, or cigs and breath mint, I guess there aren't many other options but to cut smoking, or break up, because I don't think that cutting down on your smoking is a solution. It's like cutting down on murders, or cutting down on the number of times you drink drive. :p

Saying that, it seems like a silly reason to break up if everything else is going really well. She wants you to quit for your own health benefits, and for her own benefit as well. You want to smoke for your own benefit only. In this case, I tend to think that it's the smokers who need to choose to quit. You're not giving up smoking for someone else. It's about much more than her.
 
Women lie. When she says you can, she really means, "you better not ****ing think about it!"
 
iJohnHenry said:
Oh, then if you are smoker, you could just quit tomorrow??
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It's an addiction that you can break. Not a continual battle for the rest of your life. I smoked and it was hard to quit. For several years after I quit I was occasionally tempted. But once that passed it was over and done. Now I have absolutely no desire to smoke.
 
Rt&Dzine said:
It's an addiction that you can break. Not a continual battle for the rest of your life. I smoked and it was hard to quit. For several years after I quit I was occasionally tempted. But once that passed it was over and done. Now I have absolutely no desire to smoke.
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Good for you. This is not necessarily true for everyone...
 
consider your pros and cons to keep on smoking

Pros:
Have more fun when your out (w/e dude)
enjoy smoke (im not sure how thats possible)

Cons:
No *****
less money
Bad Breath/smell
Bad health
Maybe less fun when u go out
 
It shocks me that long after the negative health effects of smoking have been detailed, that people continue to do it. I never correlate people who smoke with being nice/mean or worth talking to/not talking to, but I do question their overall common sense and logic. And I'm not an anti-smoking zealot who asks people to put out their cigarettes everywhere I go; I smoke cigars on occasion, but to do something like that every day of your life knowing the risks is absurd to me.

I know, people enjoy it and don't want to be told not to. But what I can tell you is that I think they'd be happier if they were healthier. Long term well-being traded for short term indulgence. Story of life...
 
dlamin517 said:
consider your pros and cons to keep on smoking

Pros:
Have more fun when your out (w/e dude)
enjoy smoke (im not sure how thats possible)

Cons:
No *****
less money
Bad Breath/smell
Bad health
Maybe less fun when u go out
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Smoke contains a drug, nicotine. It provides a short high and a dopamine hit, the dopamine hit causes you to associate the taste with reward so even though tobacco is entirely made of ming smokers love it.

It's a retarded habit but it is enjoyable.

What gets me is the degree to which it logically does not make sense, there's only one excuse I've ever accepted as vaguely valid for smoking and that's "I don't have the guts to do it quickly".
 
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