ability to stalk your child

[GfPQqmcRKUvP]

Well, until we are notified as to if he is or is not paying his bill we cannot deem his parent's actions okay or not. Actually, regardless, his parents would be paying for the tracking fee. He should get his own contract if he's so fussy about his parents looking at a phone that's under their name on the bill.

Yes, we can. He's asking if it's reasonable for him to think it's creepy/unnecessary. I know it's popular on MR to rail on kids whose parents are willing and able to provide stuff for them that maybe some of us didn't get, but this is getting ridiculous. We all know it's legal for his parents to track him, but let's discuss what the OP wanted us to discuss, "I was just wondering if you all think this is as creepy and unnecessary as I do".

 

[Rodimus Prime]

I am going to assume the parents reason for doing this is legit and not to spy on the kid. I will go with the reason they gave him. Say he lost his phone well easy way to find it. Or if he goes missing got his phone to locate him.

I know when I was in HS it was not like my parents did not know where I was. It was just a matter of a phone call for them to find out any how because I did have some type of cell phone on me. (was 7-8 years ago)

They generally knew when I was going to a friends place, or knew if I was going out somewhere.

It is not like they need to track me to have a good idea where I was. I am going to assume the same case is true here. The parents already have a damn good idea where he is. Hell this might cut down on those phone calls because it is not like he is going to go some where were he is not supposed to be. They get a little worried about him it is just look oh yeah he is at Bob house to study.. I forgot he was going there after school. Instead of her calling his phone and he does not hear it. that is the end of it. No worry no mess.

 

[cpit]

ha wow I didn't expect you all to react in the way you did. But I don't blame you all for jumping to conclusions, as I did not give much info and most people my age are the spoiled little brats whom you described perfectly.

But yea, I paid for the iphone 100% with my own money from my own job that I used to have (hopefully the economy will get better so I can find another) . Even though my parents have plenty of money, they've been raising me in the most unspoiled way possible. At times I get kinda mad about the fact that I have to pay for meals or movies out with friends or a new piece of clothing once in awhile (unlike all of your assumptions, I'm a girl haha), but I do recognize the fact that it'll help me some day. With the exception of the unlimited texting, my parents pay the phone bill, and I'm grateful for that. I didn't mean to come across in the wrong way.

And I honestly do see both sides of the argument here. I get that it makes them feel better knowing that they can locate me if they don't hear from me. And yes, I know that because I am a minor they have total control over me (they've made that very clear over the years).

My real meaning of this thread was that I just don't like the idea that people, even if they are my parents, can find me whenever they want. And honestly, if it wouldn't make it so inconvenient for everyone else (like my parents), I would give up my cellphone. The reason I bought the iphone in the first place is because, like most of you, I love apple to death (I spent my life's savings on the $600 iphone when it came out, and later bought the 3g when it came out, no regrets). If I didn't buy it, my parents probably would have gotten me a cheap phone that they could keep tabs on me with. I feel like my phone is more for other people to reach me than for me to reach them.

Financially, I'd say I'm 35%-40% independent. They pay for private school, my house, basic food, health insurance, and some other stuff. When I get my license, I will pay for gas and insurance with my own money. If I end up at a $50k/year college, which is very possible at this point, I will pay half the tuition (hello, debt). But this need for a parent to protect their child can get kind of excessive. My sister is almost 21 and she still needs permission to go to a friends house and she needs to check in constantly. I mean, where does parenting end and independence start?

 

[Iscariot]

Yes, we can. He's asking if it's reasonable for him to think it's creepy/unnecessary. I know it's popular on MR to rail on kids whose parents are willing and able to provide stuff for them that maybe some of us didn't get, but this is getting ridiculous. We all know it's legal for his parents to track him, but let's discuss what the OP wanted us to discuss, "I was just wondering if you all think this is as creepy and unnecessary as I do".

I agree. Given my lack of familial ties, I can't answer with much certitude, but in my opinion it does seem excessive.

 

[Signal-11]

The "I paid for it, you'll like it or leave it" argument never held much water with me for a number of reasons.

I have a cousin in the Marines. He pays for his little brother's mobile phone bills. Not that it's possible because he's in *-stan, but does that give him the right to spy on his little brother? Does that take away from his father's right to check up on his high school aged son?

Maybe cpit has a history of doing dumb things and maybe it's because he violated trust so many times that his parents are doing this. Or maybe he (or she, I dunno) is a trustworthy kid and it's his parents who are overbearing and a little paranoid. I don't know that and I'm going to bet that most of you don't either.

 

[Iscariot]

ha wow I didn't expect you all to react in the way you did. But I don't blame you all for jumping to conclusions, as I did not give much info and most people my age are the spoiled little brats whom you described perfectly.

But yea, I paid for the iphone 100% with my own money from my own job that I used to have (hopefully the economy will get better so I can find another) . Even though my parents have plenty of money, they've been raising me in the most unspoiled way possible. At times I get kinda mad about the fact that I have to pay for meals or movies out with friends or a new piece of clothing once in awhile (unlike all of your assumptions, I'm a girl haha), but I do recognize the fact that it'll help me some day. With the exception of the unlimited texting, my parents pay the phone bill, and I'm grateful for that. I didn't mean to come across in the wrong way.

And I honestly do see both sides of the argument here. I get that it makes them feel better knowing that they can locate me if they don't hear from me. And yes, I know that because I am a minor they have total control over me (they've made that very clear over the years).

My real meaning of this thread was that I just don't like the idea that people, even if they are my parents, can find me whenever they want. And honestly, if it wouldn't make it so inconvenient for everyone else (like my parents), I would give up my cellphone. The reason I bought the iphone in the first place is because, like most of you, I love apple to death (I spent my life's savings on the $600 iphone when it came out, and later bought the 3g when it came out, no regrets). If I didn't buy it, my parents probably would have gotten me a cheap phone that they could keep tabs on me with. I feel like my phone is more for other people to reach me than for me to reach them.

Financially, I'd say I'm 35%-40% independent. They pay for private school, my house, basic food, health insurance, and some other stuff. When I get my license, I will pay for gas and insurance with my own money. If I end up at a $50k/year college, which is very possible at this point, I will pay half the tuition (hello, debt). But this need for a parent to protect their child can get kind of excessive. My sister is almost 21 and she still needs permission to go to a friends house and she needs to check in constantly. I mean, where does parenting end and independence start?

I'm inclined to agree that it's unnecessarily overbearing then, but I'm not a parent. At the very least, I think a lot of posters owe you an apology.

 

[cpit]

oh, and to add on to my previous post, I wouldn't mind paying for my own phone bills (as long as I find another job soon). I would very much so like complete control over my bank account and debit card, but my parents want to be able to monitor everything I do, even if I did earn the money myself. I cannot access my cash without going through them, they can see everything I buy, they can see who I talk to and how much I talk to them, etc. I'm not saying that they DO stalk me, because they have more respect than that, but they feel that they need the ABILITY to stalk me (maybe stalk is the wrong word. how about "inspect closely"). I just want them to take a leap and let life happen.

and no, I'm not a problem child. If I were, this would be an entirely different story.

 

[motulist]

You have every right to feel like your privacy is being violated. Just because it is legal for them to this doesn't make it right. Legally parents are allowed to do a lot of terrible things to their kids, that's the downside to living in a (somewhat) free society.

Is there any way for you to determine if your location has been probed? That way you can make a mature honor-based agreement with them that they should not probe your whereabouts unless they have a reasonable cause to think that you might be in danger, and that every time they probe your location they must immediately inform you that they have done so. Then you can periodically check the logs to see if your location has been probed so you can see if they're holding up their end of the agreement. And in fact, whether or not you're able to check if your whereabouts have been probed, I suggest that you make this mature agreement with your parents anyway.

That's my opinion.

 

[spaceboots06]

oh, and to add on to my previous post, I wouldn't mind paying for my own phone bills (as long as I find another job soon). I would very much so like complete control over my bank account and debit card, but my parents want to be able to monitor everything I do, even if I did earn the money myself. I cannot access my cash without going through them, they can see everything I buy, they can see who I talk to and how much I talk to them, etc. I'm not saying that they DO stalk me, because they have more respect than that, but they feel that they need the ABILITY to stalk me (maybe stalk is the wrong word. how about "inspect closely"). I just want them to take a leap and let life happen.

and no, I'm not a problem child. If I were, this would be an entirely different story.

If I had a cellphone when I was younger the last thing I would want to do would have to pay the bill for it. If you do get a job you could get your own contract, but that would be a pain. Paying bills in general is a pain.

 

[cpit]

You have every right to feel like your privacy is being violated. Just because it is legal for them to this doesn't make it right. Legally parents are allowed to do a lot of terrible things to their kids, that's the downside to living in a (somewhat) free society.

Is there any way for you to determine if your location has been probed? That way you can make a mature honor-based agreement with them that they should not probe your whereabouts unless they have a reasonable cause to think that you might be in danger, and that every time they probe your location they must immediately inform you that they have done so. Then you can periodically check the logs to see if your location has been probed so you can see if they're holding up their end of the agreement. And in fact, whether or not you're able to check if your whereabouts have been probed, I suggest that you make this mature agreement with your parents anyway.

That's my opinion.

There is no way for me to know when they located me. That's what bugs me most about this. I have had many discussions with them about this, but their view is that I shouldn't have anything to hide, so I shouldn't have any problem with it.

If I had a cellphone when I was younger the last thing I would want to do would have to pay the bill for it. If you do get a job you could get your own contract, but that would be a pain. Paying bills in general is a pain.

I wouldn't be allowed to get my own contract. By them paying most of the bill, they have more power. I mean, I'm not complaining that they're paying, and no I'm not hiding anything related to my phone, but I kind of want to feel like I'm the one in control of my life.

 

[iBlue]

You have every right to feel like your privacy is being violated. Just because it is legal for them to this doesn't make it right. Legally parents are allowed to do a lot of terrible things to their kids, that's the downside to living in a (somewhat) free society.

Is there any way for you to determine if your location has been probed? That way you can make a mature honor-based agreement with them that they should not probe your whereabouts unless they have a reasonable cause to think that you might be in danger, and that every time they probe your location they must immediately inform you that they have done so. Then you can periodically check the logs to see if your location has been probed so you can see if they're holding up their end of the agreement. And in fact, whether or not you're able to check if your whereabouts have been probed, I suggest that you make this mature agreement with your parents anyway.

That's my opinion.

Sort of what I was thinking as well.

My husband's phone also has a GPS locator thing in it but it lets you know when it's being searched for. I would think/hope the iPhone has the same capabilities to let you know it's being 'probed'. It would make it easier to know if they are keeping up their end of the deal and not invading your privacy. I am definitely of the opinion here that just because they can doesn't mean they should.

Some of the posts within this thread are little over the top, what's the matter with you grumpy old farts? I wish more of the teenagers who happen upon this forum were even just a tenth as polite, well-spoken and reasonable as this one is.



edit: damn, I didn't see the most recent post. That's a bummer the iPhone doesn't let you know it's being searched for.

 

[rhsgolfer33]

And yet we don't know whether he payed for the iPhone or not. And even if he did, he's not saying they don't have the right to, he's asking other people if his gut reaction (that it's creepy and unnecessary) seems reasonable.

EDIT: Same message goes out to rhsgolfer33. Sorry man, his question doesn't concern who pays the bills for it.

That's wasn't really my point. Sure, its creepy, but when your parents (as mine do and have done) allow you to live in their home, pay any of your bills, etc, you don't really have a choice but to deal with it or leave. I understand the creepy factor, I certainly wouldn't want my parents to be able to track my movements constantly, but until I can pay for my own school, my own shelter, food, insurance, car, gas, phone, etc. I wouldn't even think of complaining about it.

The OP does sound like a smart kid though. A little understanding on the part of the parents would be nice.

I agree. Given my lack of familial ties, I can't answer with much certitude, but in my opinion it does seem excessive.

That's because it is excessive. Most of us grew up just fine without being tracked constantly. I can understand wanting to monitor your child but tracking their location via cell phone when they're a teenager is a little out there.

 

[motulist]

I have had many discussions with them about this, but their view is that I shouldn't have anything to hide, so I shouldn't have any problem with it.

That is an AWFUL message to instill in your children. You should totally turn this around on them so they understand what they're saying. For instance, you can tell them that you're going to put a 24/7 webcam on the family computer. They'll say "oh no you're not!" and then you'll say "Why not? If you don't have anything to hide then you should have no problem with it."

I wouldn't be allowed to get my own contract. By them paying most of the bill, they have more power. I mean, I'm not complaining that they're paying, and no I'm not hiding anything related to my phone, but I kind of want to feel like I'm the one in control of my life.

You can always play a game of chicken with them. Tell them, fine, if I can't know when you're probing my location on my cell phone, then I'm just not going to carry a cell phone at all. I have a feeling that they would be VERY uncomfortable with not having any means to contact you when you're out of the house. But as I said, this would be a game of chicken to see who backs down first. I'm sure you don't want to be without a cell phone any more than they want you to be without one either. And they can counter that you're not allowed to leave the house at all unless you have a cell phone on you, which again becomes a game of chicken, you don't want to be grounded any more than they want you inside the house all day missing extra curricular activities. So it becomes a power struggle game of chicken to see who backs down first.

Also, is it just the iphone that lets a parent probe your location without alerting you that it happened, or is that the case with all cell phones these days? Because if it's just the iphone then you can play another game of chicken with them. You can tell them, fine, I'll always have a cell phone with me when I go out, but it's not gonna be the iphone, I'm gonna buy a cheap cell phone that doesn't have the capability to have its location probed. But I think that's a particular game of chicken scenario that you're less likely to win.

 

[LethalWolfe]

There is a point as a parent where you have to eventually take your hand off the back of the bike and let the kid ride on two wheels by herself. If parents want to raise responsible kids they have to give their kid responsibility and the rewards and consequences that come with it. I don't know how mankind ever survived w/o parents being able to track and contact their kids every second of every day.


Lethal

 

[cpit]

That is an AWFUL message to instill in your children. You should totally turn this around on them so they understand what they're saying. For instance, you can tell them that you're going to put a 24/7 webcam on the family computer. They'll say "oh no you're not!" and then you'll say "Why not? If you don't have anything to hide then you should have no problem with it."




You can always play a game of chicken with them. Tell them, fine, if I can't know when you're probing my location on my cell phone, then I'm just not going to carry a cell phone at all. I have a feeling that they would be VERY uncomfortable with not having any means to contact you when you're out of the house. But as I said, this would be a game of chicken to see who backs down first. I'm sure you don't want to be without a cell phone any more than they want you to be without one either. And they can counter that you're not allowed to leave the house at all unless you have a cell phone on you, which again becomes a game of chicken, you don't want to be grounded any more than they want you inside the house all day missing extra curricular activities. So it becomes a power struggle game of chicken to see who backs down first.

Also, is it just the iphone that lets a parent probe your location, or is that the case with all cell phones these days? Because if it's just the iphone then you can play another game of chicken with them. You can tell them, fine, I'll always have a cell phone with me when I go out, but it's not gonna be the iphone, I'm gonna buy a cheap cell phone that doesn't have the capability to have its location probed. But I think that's a particular game of chicken scenario that you're less likely to win.

I'm just sick of trying to reason with them because it never works. I've tried stuff along the lines of turning it around on them, but their answer is always "We're the parents, you're the child. We make the decisions, not you. End of story." I don't want to keep going through the hassle of doing this or that to get them to see my way.

I learned long ago to just wave my white flag, whether or not I want to. It's always easier that way in the end. I wanted others opinions on this topic for the sake of knowing which side of this you all thought is the unreasonable one. I already know this isn't an issue I can win with them.

 

[motulist]

I'm just sick of trying to reason with them because it never works. I've tried stuff along the lines of turning it around on them, but their answer is always "We're the parents, you're the child. We make the decisions, not you. End of story." I don't want to keep going through the hassle of doing this or that to get them to see my way.

I learned long ago to just wave my white flag, whether or not I want to. It's always easier that way in the end. I wanted others opinions on this topic for the sake of knowing which side of this you all thought is the unreasonable one. I already know this isn't an issue I can win with them.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear you sounding so defeated about your life. Maybe you should show this thread to them and let them see how their overbearing actions and unyielding attitudes are negatively effecting you as a person and hurting your growth toward a healthy adulthood. I think if they read your words and saw the damage that they're causing to your soul and your development, then it would greatly change how they approach parenting you in this new phase in our life.

Keep your chin up! You're you're own person! You DO have control of your destiny! Your parents can make your path toward being an independent person easier, or they can make it harder, but they can't do anything at all to stop you from becoming a free and independent adult if you so choose.

 

[rhsgolfer33]

I'm just sick of trying to reason with them because it never works. I've tried stuff along the lines of turning it around on them, but their answer is always "We're the parents, you're the child. We make the decisions, not you. End of story." I don't want to keep going through the hassle of doing this or that to get them to see my way.

I learned long ago to just wave my white flag, whether or not I want to. It's always easier that way in the end. I wanted others opinions on this topic for the sake of knowing which side of this you all thought is the unreasonable one. I already know this isn't an issue I can win with them.

You definitely have to know how to pick your battles when you live with your parents. I applaud you for learning that a lot more quickly than I did. I finally realized in my late teens than arguing with parents when they pay for anything of necessity is almost always fruitless and that it was always a lot easier just to say "ok" and deal with their decisions (which most of the time, in hindsight, don't seem so bad).

 

[LethalWolfe]

You DO have control of your destiny!

This is just an aside, but isn't saying one can control one's destiny a contradiction.


Lethal

 

[motulist]

You definitely have to know how to pick your battles when you live with your parents. I applaud you for learning that a lot more quickly than I did. I finally realized in my late teens than arguing with parents when they pay for anything of necessity is almost always fruitless and that it was always a lot easier just to say "ok" and deal with their decisions (which most of the time, in hindsight, don't seem so bad).

I totally agree with you, but I think this is one of the big things, and not one of the little things. She isn't trying to be allowed to get into a car with a guy who's known to be a drunk driver, and she's not trying to get her parents to pay for a new expensive dress, rather, she's trying to gain a freedom of mind. She's trying to know that her every move isn't being tracked. She sounds like a very together person, it sounds like she never will go anywhere that would be overly bad to go to, but it's a very healthy impulse to want to KNOW that you aren't being tracked, even though you really aren't going anywhere that would be very bad to be going to. This is the process of becoming a healthy adult. The bird has to fly the nest, to know that they're free to make their own way. It's very dystopian to feel like you're constantly being watched, even if (or maybe especially if) you know you would never have been doing anything you wouldn't want to be seen doing anyway.

 

[jecapaga]

Why assume any of this is a trust issue unless there is a reason? When you are a parent you may understand, or not, that there is a feeble but decent amount of knowledge that this provides. I am betting the OP's parents are interested in his safety and whereabouts, not tracking illicit behavior unless there is a history here.

GPS chips implanted in children are probably not too far down the road. Imagine that.

 

[0098386]

If you think it's going over the top then simply don't take your phone with you. I wouldn't do it for my kids, hell I got up to some (what they would class as) bad things as a kid but I don't regret any of it. And that was without a phone too .

 

[dontwalkhand]

Whether or not your parents/wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc have this capability, the NSA will be keeping a close watch on ALL OF YOU anyway.

 

[andalusia]

Whether or not your parents/wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc have this capability, the NSA will be keeping a close watch on ALL OF YOU anyway.

 

[LouisBlack]

I'm just sick of trying to reason with them because it never works. I've tried stuff along the lines of turning it around on them, but their answer is always "We're the parents, you're the child. We make the decisions, not you. End of story." I don't want to keep going through the hassle of doing this or that to get them to see my way.

I learned long ago to just wave my white flag, whether or not I want to. It's always easier that way in the end. I wanted others opinions on this topic for the sake of knowing which side of this you all thought is the unreasonable one. I already know this isn't an issue I can win with them.

It can be very annoying when you mentally out grow the child status before phisically do. You sound like a really mature and decent person and it sounds like your parents are being a little paranoid with no real reason to be.

The problem that I found with this style of parenting is that it's all well and good when your child is at home but as soon as they get a sniff of freedom they tend to go off the rails. When I first went to university you could always see the people that had over protective parents because they were the ones that ended up throwing up in the street from drinking too much or had a rather long list of 'special friends'.

I'm rather shocked at all of the comments in this thread from people who have some very odd Orwellian views on privacy. Everyone is entitled to privacy... even children.

 

[Unspoken Demise]

Wait, your child, or my child?