Advice on life direction in early 20's. Some advice would be greatly appreciated.

[juanm]

So you need money, but you don't want to work for someone. Well, nobody does. But, if you're set on that, then bye bye easy path to money (note I said money, not riches).

Actually, one good compromise is to find someone you want to work for. Believing in what you do makes working for someone much easier.
Regarding the rest, OP, listen to this guy: making money won't get you happiness, but not having money will be very frustrating and will certainly make you unhappy. As all things in life, it's a matter of balance.

 

[Hieveryone]

Pretty sure what @Hieveryone is saying is that if you want to be successful you'll have to pay your dues one way or another.

Exactly. I'm a huge believer in paying your dues. You have to be willing to put in the hours. Medicine is a great example. It takes years of hardcore studying but eventually you will get the reward.

It's hard to just get the reward without the work unless you have rich parents. But I've found if one is dependent on their rich parents to enjoy the fruit of success they often times don't have much confidence. I have rich parents and went to school with rich kids. Many didn't end up doing anything but still drive nice cars and have their own homes paid for by their parents. None of them have confidence and are actually quite insecure.

 

[Xteec]

Actually, one good compromise is to find someone you want to work for. Believing in what you do makes working for someone much easier.

I agree completely with this being a perfect balance. However, I find the longer you work for that someone, the less you believe .

All kidding aside, I have known people who love their job. I'm very jealous of them.

 

[Hieveryone]

I agree completely with this being a perfect balance. However, I find the longer you work for that someone, the less you believe .

All kidding aside, I have known people who love their job. I'm very jealous of them.

People who complain about their job have the right to do so but at the same at least they have a job right? Many folks can't even get one.

 

[Josh125]

Honestly, go back to school. You have to be real with yourself and understand that your love of tech likely won't pay the bills. You have to have a skill set, something people will pay for. Browsing Best Buy or JB'ing your phone isn't a skill set.

 

[dogslobber]

I graduated high school and immediately went to college. I worked extremely hard my first semester and wasn't interested or learning anything. I was a computer science major but I was taking religious studies, economics, art, etc. I really struggled socially as I never left my house in high school just focusing on building computers, jailbreaking iOS devices. My idea of a good time was going to a best buy playing with various types of technology for hours on end.

You're lazy, that's your problem. Working life is full of boring **** that has to get done so you get on with it. Your lack of ability to focus on a task and complete it to completion is a red flag to employers. Let me spell out what you'll discover, in your 20s lack of direction might seem novel but your 20s quickly become your 30s and so many folk are still at the same hurdle.

CompSci is a slog but you need to endure the good with the bad so put your mind to it and forget this idea you weren't learning anything. The degree is the reward not your immediate mental state of learning. Take and pass the classes you think are beneath you otherwise you don't get a degree. That's the deciding factor for the majority of people without real work experience.

In terms of college == success, what high schools really should be doing is pushing people to where the jobs are at, which is STEM subjects. Forget those crappy arty or humanities degrees which are a joke. Very few people are good enough to be musicians or real artists. The rest are conned by idiot guidance teachers at your high school, people who have usually failed in the real world, so now pollute the minds of school children.

Then there's you. Sure, you might be the next bill gates or Wozniak but unless you are then wouldn't hire you without a college degree in a real subject.

 

[dogslobber]

Honestly, go back to school. You have to be real with yourself and understand that your love of tech likely won't pay the bills. You have to have a skill set, something people will pay for. Browsing Best Buy or JB'ing your phone isn't a skill set.

Exactly. When you're suddenly homeless then reality quickly shows your needs v wants.

 

[impulse462]

No it's not like that at all. I just want to find my way and be happy and healthy. That is all.

what does this statement even mean really...

anyway I suggest you go back to school. jailbreaking an iPhone isn't really any skill (just talking generally here). CS is very math-related. you're better off studying math (or CS of course; or even engineering); it can lead to a lot of interesting careers. just doing unix stuff is akin to like a system admin or something

 

[sdilley14]

I'm in the minority here. I would not recommend going back to school right away. If I could "do it all over again" I would have taken at least 2-3 years after high school to work a "real life" job, earn and save some money, grow up a little bit, and figure out myself and my direction in life. I feel like jumping right from high school to college was a waste. I didn't really know what professional direction I wanted to go in and I wasted thousands of dollars in tuition trying to figure it out - switching majors, dropping out of courses I didn't like, and of course partying and skipping classes. Taking 2-3 years off to work and save money and "grow up" would have been hugely beneficial to me in hindsight.

Not only do you 'earn rather than spend' working full time as opposed to going to school, but you can also gather some very useful "real life" work experience that can be used on a resume, you begin to establish your professional network, and you can get some good motivation to get focused and get yourself into school (the misery you feel flipping burgers or stacking boxes can be a great motivator).

 

[Meister]

Learn from the mistakes of your fellow man and never get married.

Nedless to say: Don't get anybody pregnant either.

Other than that:

• don't commit crimes
• don't do drugs

And then the world is your oyster.

 

[Xteec]

Learn from the mistakes of your fellow man and never get married.

Nedless to say: Don't get anybody pregnant either.

Other than that:

• don't commit crimes
• don't do drugs

And then the world is your oyster.

Let me get this right: no marriage, no kids, no drugs and no crimes.

Lol basically don't do the things that make 99% of the population happy and you're good.

Nice one.

 

[impulse462]

Let me get this right: no marriage, no kids, no drugs and no crimes.

Lol basically don't do the things that make 99% of the population happy and you're good.

Nice one.

i doubt doing drugs and crimes make people truly happy

 

[Xteec]

i doubt doing drugs and crimes make people truly happy

Who knows. But people claim to enjoy it!

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Let me get this right: no marriage, no kids, no drugs and no crimes.

Lol basically don't do the things that make 99% of the population happy and you're good.

Nice one.

Well, I suppose that I don't fall into the category of enjoying 'the things that make 99% of the population happy'; I don't do drugs, crime, marriage or kids. And I wouldn't class myself as devoid of happiness. Just sometimes stressed….

However, the things I 'do' include reading, writing, travelling, cooking, (which includes wine, food, convivial company), music, theatre, museums, coffee shops, cinemas, libraries, book shops, wine bars…..

To the OP: @juanm's post, quoted below, has a lot of merit, especially the first two sentences. I'd echo and second that. Finding someone you want to work for, study under, learn from, is of extraordinary importance in life.

Actually, I have learned more from the few good bosses I worked under than I could ever have considered possible, and still pay homage to them in my memory.

Also, try to find out what you value - what it is you really want, in terms of values as well as in terms of the actual work you choose to do. It took me some time to realise that two of the things I really rather value are time, and a large degree of intellectual autonomy. (Money, for example, is not my god, - although, of course I like to spend it; but I will always spend money to save time). There are others as well - I like to work with people who respect themselves, and their work; in fact, I like to work with people whom I respect.

But sometimes, in order to achieve these, there are other things that must be compromised on, or sacrificed. These are things you must work out for yourself.

Actually, one good compromise is to find someone you want to work for. Believing in what you do makes working for someone much easier.
Regarding the rest, OP, listen to this guy: making money won't get you happiness, but not having money will be very frustrating and will certainly make you unhappy. As all things in life, it's a matter of balance.

 

[Gypsy36]

Find a better psychiatrist that you feel comfortable with. At the risk of being an arm chair doc, it sounds to me like you are dealing with some pretty heavy obsessive traits and unnatural fears surrounding socialization. Once you can get those under control (if they exist) it may be that the world and your future looks entirely different for you.

The beauty of a-b-c is that it is comprised of smaller goals and closer goal lines. Looking at a-z can be overwhelming.

Best of luck.

 

[Xteec]

However, the things I 'do' include reading, writing, travelling, cooking, (which includes wine, food, convivial company), music, theatre, museums, coffee shops, cinemas, libraries, book shops, wine bars…..

Wine = alcohol = drugs

Coffee = caffeine = drugs

I know a lot of people associate "drug" with cocaine, crack and heroin. But, these are just cultural interpretations. Many people in the west treat alcohol with the same "meh" attitude as some cultures treat marijuana.

My paint is simply that drugs are a key ingredient to a lot of social situations which people enjoy.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Wine = alcohol = drugs

Coffee = caffeine = drugs

I know a lot of people associate "drug" with cocaine, crack and heroin. But, these are just cultural interpretations. Many people in the west treat alcohol with the same "meh" attitude as some cultures treat marijuana.

My point is simply that drugs are a key ingredient to a lot of social situations which people enjoy.

Coffee and alcohol are legal in the western world; moreover, they are pretty predictable in how they affect those who use them, unlike some of the narcotics.

Thus, the lifestyle associated with consumption of alcohol is not, in itself, a source of concern, unless you happen to commit a crime while using them (i.e. driving while under the influence of alcohol), whereas the lifestyle (and, I suspect, part of the attraction of) what are considered 'hard drugs' is, itself, conducted in surroundings often seen as compromising and seedy.

While technically you are correct, most people when discussing what they describe as "drugs" don't usually include alcohol, and frankly, rarely consider coffee.

However, agreed: What are considered drugs are indeed a key ingredient of a great many social situations which people enjoy.

 

[Meister]

Let me get this right: no marriage, no kids, no drugs and no crimes.

Lol basically don't do the things that make 99% of the population happy and you're good.

Nice one.

You are seriously suggesting that crime and drugs make people happy?!

 

[Meister]

Wine = alcohol = drugs

Coffee = caffeine = drugs

I know a lot of people associate "drug" with cocaine, crack and heroin. But, these are just cultural interpretations. Many people in the west treat alcohol with the same "meh" attitude as some cultures treat marijuana.

My paint is simply that drugs are a key ingredient to a lot of social situations which people enjoy.

You have a good point.

I meant 'drugs' in the sense that @Scepticalscribe described.

Also: Many people try to find happyness in family life. Very few succeed.

 

[mw360]

I've talked about stuff like this in therapy and didn't get anywhere in two years even being compliant and doing everything they said. I feel a strong existential void that I believe is doing ok for myself and just living. Some outsider train of thought from a couple people would be great. Anything. Thought's, anything at all that might be useful or helpful. Don't worry about hurting my feelings just be honest. Just thought i'd post this and maybe it'd be productive. Thank you so much.

Many responses come to mind. Too many to fully flesh out. All of this comes from a position of sympathy...

Your first job will be something you're adequate at, not something you like. If you're lucky your career will be something you are very good at, and maybe something you like.

Learn software development and get over your boredom with it. If you're into technology, you need to be able to make some technology of your own. If you can't do your own, and can only read about it and daydream, then you would have to go into management or marketing. But those are people-skills positions. Steve Jobs was an observer and dreamer and perhaps socially incomplete. However he knew how to work people, and it seems you don't.

Everybody has 'voids'. In your case, it's clearly social interaction although you'll deny it to yourself. Most of your posts is about what you don't want to do, and the useless things you already do. I think you only specified one thing you yearn to do, and that's interact.

Consider studying cosmology, unless your math skill are less than astounding. In which case, reading books about space will never be more than a hobby. Don't think you can become a sci-fi writer. You can't. Virtually nobody can.

Get out among people. People who aren't intimidating to you. It doesn't have to be hot girls and sports dudes. Consider volunteering to help the sick or elderly. Those people won't judge you like college kids would, and you'll learn the easiest lesson in interaction: how to ask somebody how they're doing, and listen to the answer. And people like that will give you life advice better than any therapist.

Learn to drive now before it starts to inhibit your prospects. It's not nearly so scary when you can do it properly.

Again, software development. if you're good at it, and you also have some interest in art, you can look into games development or visual effects software development. Plenty of dreamers and misfits in those industries, social skills generally optional, difficult 'characters' tolerated if they are skilled, but be warned they are tough businesses, and location dependent. Don't think you can make a living writing apps from home. You can't.

Consider getting a therapist specialising in addiction. You may actually be addicted to your internet tech-site browsing.